Category: Old Farts
Paris Jackson Says She’s Just Friends With Old Man Emile Hirsch
The good news is that you’re not old until 22-year-old Paris Jackson says you’re old. But the bad news is that according to Paris, anyone over 35 is ancient. Back to the good news, Paris enjoys the company of people all ages. But I’ve got more bad news. Some of those people she enjoys are the embodiment of are bad news, specifically the practically geriatric 35-year-old lady-choker Emile Hirsch. But in better news, despite Emile posting a picture of the two of them together with the caption “hiding out with you” on Instagram, Paris insists they’re just friends. However, in the worst of newses, what Paris actually said was “he’s actually one of the youngest homies of mine,” the phrasing and content of which has made this old crone right here break out in shingles and my last original tooth is now hanging by a thread.