Before last night’s American Music Awards (or as many refer to it as, “That show’s still on?”) even began there was some Chris Brown-related drama. Chris was supposed to perform in a tribute to Michael Jackson but the whole thing was tossed into the dumpster at the last minute for reasons unknown. Maybe one of the reasons was that executives got a clue and realized Chris Brown singing Beat It on their stage might not be the best look. Even though Chris’ performance was canceled, it wasn’t a Chris Brown-free night at the AMAs. He won an award and the audience responded by booing Chris Brown for being Chris Brown. Chris wasn’t there to flip them off, but thankfully for him, Kelly Rowland was there to defend poor little Chris Brown.
Two days ago, Chris Brown reminded us that, much like that one line of moldy shower tile grout that is forever resistant to bleach and scrubbing, he’ll truly never go away, when he released the music video for his latest song, “WE (Warm Embrace).” Chris Brown has been locked in a warm embrace with (allegedly) shitty behavior for several decades now, but since you can’t sensually shimmy up to bad PR, he needed a human stand-in for his video. And who did he choose, but former fifth harmonizer, Normani. That’s not going over well with the type of people yelling, “NOOOOrmani, why?” after seeing her accept the gig as Chris’ dance partner in the video.
Usually when something from a famous person’s past is discovered, it’s oftentimes a tweet (or series of tweets, or whole Tumblr account) that requires the help of a damage control expert and a standard apology statement beginning with the words, “A long time ago…” or “There are some things in my past that I’m ashamed of.” But Lizzo is currently facing an embarrassing social media moment that can’t be traced back to “another time” before she’s “learned and grown” or whatever other apology-friendly words her publicist would urge her to use. A recent video is making the rounds on Twitter featuring Lizzo and, in her words, her “favorite person in the whole fucking world,” Chris Brown. Don’t panic, the Earth’s population didn’t suddenly drop from 7.753 billion to 2, which would be why people are strongly questioning Lizzo for that endorsement.
Kanye West Raps About Kim Kardashian On “Donda” And Says Universal Released It Without His Permission
Because it was inevitable, Kanye West’s new album Donda, which was finally released yesterday, is currently dominating the music charts. Much to Kanye’s dismay. Despite the $40 hot dogs, countdown clock, having blown through an entire box of nylon footies he picked up from Lady Footlocker and literally setting himself on fire, Kanye wasn’t ready. In an Instagram post, Kanye complains that “Universal put my album out without my approval and they blocked Jail 2 from being on the album.” According to Complex, the Jail 2 track referenced features Marilyn Manson and DaBaby, those two wet sacks of garbage that were sitting on Kanye’s front porch during the 3rd Donda listening party.
Chris Brown’s Housekeeper Claims His Dog Viciously Attacked Her And Then He Euthanized The Pooch To “Destroy Evidence”
Like every year since 2009, 2021 is the year of awful Chris Brown headlines. Just a quick second after we heard that a woman claimed that The Difficult Brown pulled a Difficult Brown by slapping her (which he denied), a former housekeeper of his has come forward with another soul-hurting tale. The woman not only claims in a lawsuit that one of Chris Brown’s dogs violently and viciously attacked her at his home, but she also claims that nobody did anything to help her and that Chris later sent the dog off to heaven as a way to “destroy the evidence.” Calling the euthanization of a dog “destroying evidence” just destroyed a piece of my faith in humanity. I know, my first mistake was having any faith in humanity. What a naive trick, I am.
Today must be Groundhog Day. First, we heard something that we’ve heard a million times before (read: Tristan Thompson cheating). And now here’s this. Chris Brown has once again been accused of attacking a woman, which has probably given everyone a serious case of the SHOCKS since we all know Chris Brown to be a gentle and calm dewdrop. Now, all we need is a story about how Meghan McCain induced eye-rolls from her co-hosts, and the Groundhog Day trifecta will be complete.