Chris Martin And Dakota Johnson Are Reportedly Done

While Gwyneth Paltrow touts the marital advantages of her husband living in a different home miles away from her, her ex-husband Chris Martin obviously chose not to follow her lead. The Sun reports that Chris has broken up was with his girlfriend, 50 Shades of Boring S&M star Dakota Johnson. Earlier this year, Chris bought a $5 million Malibu beach house for them to live in together. Who would have thought that GOOP could ever be right about anything?

Chris reportedly broke up with Dakota a month ago after two years together and is telling friends that he’s single. He probably saw that one scene from Dakota’s remake of Suspiria where that one girl got turned into almost a literal stump of a person because of Dakota’s witch-dancing and called it quits. Because anyone who would act in a movie with that scene is evil. (Not you, Tilda Swinton. Anything you do is gold.)

Chris and Dakota had supposedly been discussing marriage for a while, so their friends, acquaintances, and anonymous sources were shocked.

A friend said: “Chris and Dakota were very easygoing and always seemed really happy together.

“There was talk of engagement but now he says they have gone their separate ways, which has come as a real surprise to everyone.”

Martin & Johnson (they sound like sex researchers) were reportedly last seen in public together in November at the restaurant Sushi Park in L.A. But they went along on Chris’ ex Gwyneth’s honeymoon with Glee and American Horror Story creator Brad Falchuk in the Maldives in January. Along with their kids. No thank you. Celebrities – they’re just like us!

And there’s your answer. Chris saw how happy Gwyneth was with a dude she married but won’t live with and realized that was the answer. So he asked Dakota to move out to a place down the street or maybe to a nicely decorated guesthouse out back. And she was probably like “I can’t be with a man who would take advice from GOOP” and left. That’s the real story.

Pics: Wenn.com