Kanye West Was Too Busy Running For President To Attend Kim Kardashian’s Private Island 40th Birthday Celebrations

October 27, 2020 / Posted by:

Feeling despondent, angry, or depressed in the face of #thesetryingtimes? Well don’t worry, future first lady hopeful Kim Kardashian West understands. She’s just as in touch with the plight of the average American as her husband, presidential candidate Kanye West. Kim recently celebrated her 40th birthday, but since things are tough all over, she kept it simple with a low-key affair which involved flying her “closest inner circle” (which apparently does not include her husband) to a private island where they “danced, rode bikes, swam near whales, kayaked, watched a movie on the beach and so much more.” And lest you forget that Kim is a woman of the people, nay THE woman of the people (if Kanye gets his wish), Kim made sure to remind her fans that she is aware that “for most people, this is something that is so far out of reach right now.” So maybe try not to be so poor and gross anymore, OK? It’s kind of bumming everyone out.

While Kanye was busy proving his feminist bone-fides by outlining his plans for America’s uteri (Kanye thinks abortion is a bigger killer than COVID-19) on the Joe Rogan Experience podcast, Kim, “after 2 weeks of multiple health screens and asking everyone to quarantine,” jetted off to The Island of Dr. Moreau where she experimented with vivisection between a mermaid and a birthday cake.

As for Kanye, he’s nowhere to be seen. Possibly due to the fact that he’s still running for President, the odds (and everyone else) be damned! According to Billboard, Kanye appeared on Joe’s podcast to talk about, you guessed it, himself! In the interview, he explained why he was late filing the paperwork for his presidential campaign. Kane says he was sick with COVID-19 and therefore was too busy eating soup. But the reason he wants to be president is because God put it in his heart back in 2015 while he was in the shower.

“It was something that God put in my heart back in 2015. A few days before the MTV awards it hit me in the shower. When I first thought of it, I just started laughing to myself and all this joy came over my body, through my soul. I felt that energy and spirit. Two days later, I accepted the Michael Jackson Video Vanguard Award at the MTV Awards. Instead of performing my array of hit songs, I gave just my perspective on awards shows. I knew at the end, I was going to tell people I’m running for president in 2020. It even took heart to say it in that context and people’s minds were blown.”

And the reason we should vote for him is because of his extraordinary taste. I mean he looks like he probably tastes like the ashes of a campfire after the grease from a pork chop fell on them, but that’s not what he means.

“I’m completely confident that I will figure out how to get America out of debt, that I have the ability, once I see everything. I never make the wrong decision when I’m given all the information. That’s my skill set. Anything I go into — producing, rap, homes, clothing, anything — once I’m given the right information, I apply my taste. And I have the best taste on the planet. Could you imagine Quincy Jones as a president? Walt Disney? Steve Jobs? For America to be as warming and inviting as Disney World. There used to be this dream. People still have this dream of coming to America.”

OK, I will CONSIDER a Jones presidency, but the other two are dead and I’d still vote for them over Kanye.

Kanye says he’s sure he would be “the best thing that would ever happen for America’s foreign policy” because he’s traveled more extensively than any president has, and has “put rivals on songs together to create masterpieces,” which makes him at least as qualified as Jared Kushner, I’ll give him that. And he’s no fool. He knows he has only a small chance at actually winning this year. But 2024? Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.

“I’m definitely 100% winning in 2024 … I got the Birthday Party, but I was thinking maybe there’s a possibility I would be… eh, they said that wouldn’t happen. [But] I was thinking I would possibly be the Democrat.”

That’s a famous quote now. It’s in the history books. No turning back. Mark his words: Kanye West would possibly be the Democrat.

Pic: Instagram

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