JP Morgan Chase Dropped Kanye West As A Client And Ray J. Joined Him For The Premier Of Candace Owens’ BLM Documentary
Following Kanye West’s most recent Too Hot for Fox News/HBO/Twitter/Instagram antics, he took some time out of his busy breakdown to rub elbows with some of Hollywood’s most glamorous conservative elites at a screening of his best Judy Candace Owens’s new documentary The Greatest Lie Ever Sold: George Floyd and the Rise of BLM. It was a glitzy affair attended by the smartest, most talented, and most beautiful stars in conservative circles including Kid Rock, MMA fighter Colby Covington, Candace herself, and Ray J., the guy who fucked Kanye’s ex-wife in a widely circulated videotape. Kanye even dressed up for the occasion sporting an oversized tuxedo jacket, oversized galoshes and “his now-iconic black baseball hat” twelve sizes too small that reads
Kanye West keeps the hits coming. After wearing a classy “White Lives Matter” t-shirt at his fashion show and jumping onto Tucker Carlson’s “Why You Should Be Scared Of People Different From You” television program for a stimulating, intellectual discussion about Tonya Harding, the bearded genius took to Instagram to spew more of his free-thinking ideas. However, his comments were against good taste and Instagram’s content guidelines, so Ye’s been temporarily restricted. Thankfully, he had Twitter to house his inane ramblings, so he took refuge there for a minute, but has since been locked out of that account too. Get ready, MySpace; Kanye’s headed for you next!
Kanye West Apologized To Kim Kardashian And Shared His Vision For The Future On “Good Morning America”
Despite what we see all around us, we are still technically “pre-apocalypse,” so that disheveled man who looks like he just crawled out from under the scorched remains of the 101 Freeway overpass with a twisted 3-wheeled shopping cart filled with scavenged goods you might have seen on Good Morning America is actually fine. Better than fine in fact, it’s Kanye West as you’ve never seen him before. Kanye sat down with GMA’s Linsey Davis for an exclusive interview in which he shares his vision for the future he is creating for all of us. Don’t worry! He’s got this. Kanye’s plan is actually really good if you’ll just hear him out. All he needs is a minute of your time and your children’s souls. Oh, and can he hold $20? Just for a sec?
Kim Kardashian is ready to move the fuck on from her marriage to Kanye West. The struggling soon-to-be “legally single” mother of 4 didn’t bust her ass studying for “10 hour days, daily 4 hour zooms, [and] in-person practice tests week after week” just to go back to being a housewife. No, ma’am. Despite his embarrassing attempts to woo her back (or because of them, you’d have to ask Kris Jenner), Kim has told the judge in her divorce case that “irreconcilable differences” between her and Kanye have caused their marriage to “irretrievably break down.” So Kim is asking for a bifurcated divorce like the one that was granted to Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. Kim’s had it! Kim’s practically a lawyer now, Kanye can do his own dishes and laundry from now on. And as such, she can finally afford to have someone come in to help out. And by “help” I mean explain to her what “dishes” and “laundry” are so she can in turn explain them to Kanye. All this time they’ve both just been shedding their gimp suits as they walk through the door and they magically disappear!
A lawsuit, that is. If it were something out of the Yeezy collection, it would probably unravel before its first wash, and not even the glamorous, dead-mole color palette could save it from certain self-annihilation.
Kanye West’s historic bid for the White House is over. Despite a respectable showing, earning as much as .4% of the vote in some states, it seems America isn’t ready for its first Uber Clown President. Though we’ve had many conventional clowns in the Oval Office before, Kanye would have been our country’s first natural-born clown president who went on to also train as, and dress as, a conventional clown. The Birthday Party Clown community is reportedly devastated by this loss. However, Kanye seems to have taken it in stride as he sets his sights on 2024.