Category: Hot Slut of the Month

August’s Hot Sluts Of The Month Are….

September 16, 2020 / Posted by:

Not only are Electra and Viola, the lesbian supermom penguins of Spain (which sounds like my favorite Marvel movie that never was), frontrunners for Mothers of the Year (although, any mom who doesn’t drop her kid off at Miss Hannigan’s doorstep after their fifth tantrum of the day deserves Mother of the Fucking Year), but they are also our reigning Hot Sluts of the Month!

Electra and Viola, who live in Spain’s Oceanogràfic Valencia aquarium, gave us a tiny sprinkle of sweetness on the butt foam and dick pus sundae that is 2020 when they were given an egg to incubate and out hatched their chick child. They warmed the frostbitten dead hearts of the internet, including all of you who voted for them for HSOTM. They got 44% of the votes, beating The Crocs-Snatching Fox Of Berlin (37%), who clearly didn’t snatch enough votes for the win, Just Magical Marshmallows (10%), and Kudos (9%).

Electra and Viola will compete for Hot Slut of 2020 next year. Thanks to all who voted!

Pic: Facebook

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Who Is August’s Hot Slut Of The Month?

September 8, 2020 / Posted by:

August’s Hot Slut of the Month showdown is a human-free affair, and good! Humans have been fucking shit up left and right, and do not deserve to receive the illustrious title of Hot Slut of August 2020. The only things these HSOTM finalists are guilty of are giving people cavities, Type 1 Diabetes, the hope of living in a Croc-less world, and warmness of the heart (and warmness of the butthole if Kudos gave you the shits).

The top three HSOTM finalists got the most Facebook likes and the fourth was my picked by me. Your choices for August are:

Kudos, the candy bar that disguised itself as a granola bar to come off like a healthy nugget of nutritiousness.

Lucky Charms’ Just Magical Marshmallows, the pouch of just the good stuff (read: the dehydrated marshmallow dingles) that Lucky Charms will sell for a limited time because things have been slow for dentists due to the pandemic and Lucky the Leprechaun wants to give them a boost in visits from patients crying over a mouthful of cavities.

The Crocs-Snatching Fox Of Berlin, who has truly proven that they are a special gift crafted from the hands of GOD by stealing Crocs, and other stuff, in a neighborhood in Berlin. There’s less Crocs on the streets of Berlin thanks to that saint.

Electra and Viola, the lesbians penguins in Valencia, Spain who brought a rare ray of sweetness to this trash world by raising a baby chick together. Although, with the way this year has been going, I wouldn’t be surprised if they break up and get into a messy custody fight. Why am I even putting that out there?!

Voting is below. The winning HSOTM will be crowned next Wednesday, September 16!

Pics: Amazon, General Mills, Twitter, Facebook

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July’s Hot Sluts Of The Month Are….

August 13, 2020 / Posted by:

Two of the only fashion influencers in the game who matter are now our reigning Hot Sluts of the Month! I’m sure they’ll mention this illustrious title when American Vogue devotes an entire issue to them. Please, like Anna Wintour is that fashion-forward. Besides, they don’t have Kardashian, Hadid, or Jenner anywhere in their names so Anna doesn’t want anything to do with them. Her loss!

Hsu Sho-er and Chang Wan-ji are the dynamic husband and wife fashion duo who have gained hundreds of thousands of Instagram followers thanks to the next-level looks they serve up using the forgotten clothes that customers of their laundromat in Tawain have left behind. And they are HSOTM winners thanks to getting 65% of your votes. Behind them are the shit-stirring emus Carol and Kevin (20%), the UPDATES graphic from Unsolved Mysteries (10%), and the hungriest black hole in the universe (5%).

Hsu Sho-er and Chang Wan-ji are now our seventh HSOTM of 2020 and will battle it out for the Hot Slut of the Year title next year. Until then, they will continue to destroy hos with their devastating ensembles, like the looks above that prove they are only ones who can pull off a baby diarrhea-colored skirt and pedal-pushing baggy jorts.

Thanks to all who voted!

Pic: Instagram

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Who Is July’s Hot Slut Of The Month?

August 5, 2020 / Posted by:

The theme for July’s Hot Slut of the Month showdown is: BADASSES. Because in the mix for July’s HSOTM crown are the badass emus who caused a commotion in a small Australian town, the badass memaw and pepaw who destroyed the fashion industry with their devastating looks, the badass “UPDATES” graphic that dramatically let us know that an Unsolved Mystery may have been solved, and the badass black hole who will gobble up anything in its path.

The first three HSOTM finalists got the most Facebook likes for the month, and the fourth one was picked by me. Your choices for July are:

Carol and Kevin, the party emus of the Australian town of Yaraka who got banned from a restaurant after they shit all over the place, stole french toast from customers, and got behind the bar. Screw those Vanderpump Rules bores, Carol and Kevin need their own Bravo reality show.

Hsu Sho-er and Chang Wan-ji, the laundromat owners who have made Taiwan the new epicenter of high fashion by posing for their lives on Instagram in ensembles put together using clothes left behind by customers. And well, if those customers ever want their clothes back, they’re going to have to pay couture prices since they’ve been on the bodies of these supermodels.

The “UPDATES” graphic, the extremely important graphic that hit your eyes during an episode of Unsolved Mysteries to let you know that there was an important update in one of their past stories and sometimes of those important updates led to an Unsolved Mystery becoming a SOLVED Mystery. So basically that graphic was the face of justice back in the day.

J2157, the envy of every power bottom in the world because it holds the title of the hungriest black hole in the universe since it devours everything.

Voting is below. The winner will be announced next Wednesday, August 12!

Pics: Instagram, Instagram, NBC, NASA

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Augie Is June’s Hot Slut Of The Month!

July 13, 2020 / Posted by:

Seen above wearing the official Dlisted HSOTM crown (please, like I’ve got the budget for something as decadent as that hat), Augie is our new reigning Hot Slut of the Month!

June’s HSOTM battle was close and it came down to Augie, the world’s oldest Golden Retriever, and Johnniqua Charles, the chanteuse who gave us the protest song of our time. But in the end, Augie won with 35% of the votes and Johnniqua was barely behind her with 34% of the votes. The Pizza Hut lamp got 17% of the votes (all from true connoisseurs of refined elegance) and Grumpy Kitzia got 14% of the votes, making her grumpier today. Or maybe she’s less grumpy today because she no longer has to be associated with this mess.

Augie, who lives with her humans in Oakland, Tennessee, was named HSOTD because she unofficially broke the record for the world’s oldest Golden Retriever by making it to her 20th birthday on April 24. This dog age calculator says that 20 is 147 in Golden Retriever years. My dog is turning 18 next month and that dog calculator says that 18 is only 88 in Chihuahua years. So my dog’s looking at Augie with his half-blind eyes like, “DAMN, you old!“, before laying his ass down for the 876th time of the day since his bad hip is messing with him again.

Augie now joins Perdita, the ballbottoms, Chi-Town BonnieLeslie Jordan, and Alejandro Muñoz, as our HSOTMs of 2020.

Thanks to all who voted!

Pic: Golden Hearts

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Who Is June’s Hot Slut Of The Month?

July 7, 2020 / Posted by:

And yes, they’re all making a face that clearly says, “We’re barely halfway through this fucked-up year?” Even the Pizza Hut lamp is thinking that.

It’s about that time to decide who will be our sixth Hot Slut of the Month of 2020 and possibly wear the crown (with an attached face shield and Hot Slut mask) as 2020’s Hot Slut of the Year. June’s showdown is between two animal friends who are over it, a work of timeless illuminating art, and the masterful songwriter who delivered the protest song of our time. Like always, the first three HSOTM finalists got the most Facebook likes for the month and the fourth was picked by me. Your choices for June are:

Augie, the Golden Retriever who may have snatched the title of the oldest Golden Retriever in history when she celebrated her 20th birthday and she celebrated by making a “just cut me a damn piece of cake and let me go back to my room to watch my stories” face (aka the abuelita at a party face).

The Pizza Hut lamp, the faux stained-glass light that turned every Pizza Hut restaurant into an elegant fine dining jewel and made you sit up and eat your pizza with a pinky finger out.

Grumpy Kitzia, the unofficial heir to Grumpy Cat’s grumpy kingdom.

Johnniqua Charles, the chanteuse who became an overnight musical sensation when everyone saw a video, which she says changed her life for the better, of her delivering the song of the summer You About To Lose Yo Job while being detained by a security guard.

Voting is below. The winning HSOTM will be crowned on Monday, July 13!

Pics: Golden Hearts Rescue, Worthpoint, Instagram, YouTube

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