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Stephanie Zinone’s Christmas Tree Dress from Grease 2!
Grease 2 isn’t considered a Christmas movie. But it’s a holy gift from GOD, and Michelle Pfeiffer works a stunningly exquisite Christmas tree dress in it. It doesn’t get more Christmas-ey than that! So today, on Jesus’ (observed) born day, let’s pay tribute to the extremely classy Christmas tree ensemble from Grease 2! And no, sarcasm was not dripping off of my fingers when I typed “extremely classy.” I mean, they could’ve put two baubles on Michelle’s chest to give her Christmas ornament titties, but they lowered one right below the chichis areas to avoid that. See, classy!
Most of us know the plot of 1982’s Grease 2, but if you don’t, then please, spit some hate mail at the high school you went to for not educating you on this important piece of American history. Grease 2 is basically a gender-reversed Grease. It takes place two years after the first Grease. In it, Maxwell Caufield plays Michael Carrington (no relation to Blake, trick is a Colby!), Sandy’s preppy British cousin who is new to Rydell High. Michelle Pfeiffer plays Stephanie Zinone, the badass bitch leader of The Pink Ladies. Michael ends up falling in love with Stephanie, but she’s not into that preppy love and tells him that her real dream man is a Cool Rider (a hot dude on a motorcycle). So (40-year-old SPOILER ALERT) Michael becomes that Cool Rider by buying a bike with money he made from writing term papers for the T-Birds. But Michael keeps his mysterious identity as the Cool Rider to himself.
Stephanie and the Cool Rider meet, and of course, she gets a serious case of the crotch throbs for him. One of my favorite moments from that masterpiece is the high school talent show, where The Pink Ladies become a musical calender and coo out the vintage pick-me-girl anthem, Girl For All Seasons. Basically, if The Pink Ladies went to a seasonal color analysis expert to see which season they were, the expert would say, “Girl, you’re all seasons!” But before The Pink Ladies brought talent and culture to the Rydell High talent show, tragedy hit poor Stephanie!
Right before the talent show, Stephanie and her Cool Rider meet up but are ambushed by the T-Birds, who have been trying to get the Cool Rider. The T-Birds chase the Cool Rider and drive him off into a ditch, and everything thinks he has taken a cool ride up to heaven. Even though Stephanie just lost her soulmate and her whole world has crumbled, she still goes on with the show. A true professional! While wearing today’s HSOTD as Miss December, Stephanie takes to the stage, and she tries to sing and perform as though her true love didn’t just die in a ditch, but the grief freezes her up, and she temporarily stops singing. Stephanie dramatically falls to her knees and realizes, “Wait, this is a musical; I’m going to channel my pain into song!” She then becomes the Beyonce of The Pink Ladies by going solo to sing a touching musical ode to her fallen Cool Rider called (Love Will) Turn Back The Hands Of Time. As a melancholy yodel slips out of her mouth, Stephanie takes off the Christmas tree star topper from her head and clutches it. And soon after the LSD she took before the talent show (I’m guessing that’s what she did) hits, the star floats out of her arms, and she enters a dream-like state where she and her Cool Rider sing a beautiful duet in a cloud of coke. If anyone ever tells you that the first Grease is a billion times better than Grease 2, ask them, does the original Grease feature Michelle Pfeiffer as a sad Christmas tree hallucinating a gorgeous dream ballet where Maxwell Caulfield is wearing a hot Evel Knievel jumpsuit made from discolored tinfoil? I think not!
Grease 2 ends with a surprise twist (it ends exactly the way you’d think it’d end) but what I take from that classic today is Michelle Pfeiffer as a Christmas tree of gorgeous woe. Because on December 25th, aren’t we all just a sad Christmas tree having bittersweet hallucinations of our lost love? And by that I mean, aren’t we all just passed out under a Christmas tree in a sugar-induced coma while having painful hallucinations of spending December 26th returning all the bad gifts we got? Merry Christmas, everyone!
Pic: Pinterest
