Who Is November’s Hot Slut Of The Month?

December 7, 2022 / Posted by:

The past two Hot Slut of the Months have been animal saviors who heroically saved furry friends from a drowning death. I don’t think we will complete the animal savior trifecta with November’s HSOTM showdown. Unless you count Paula Abdul as a sparkly savior who saved us from drowning in the boredom of the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade. Usually, an HSOTM contest is made up of three finalists, who got the most Facebook likes, and a fourth picked by me. This month, because of a Facebook-like tie, there are five HSOTM choices to choose from. So prepare to feel your brain shake with the pressure of choosing an HSOTM out of ALL these extra choices (read: just one)!

The Rear Window Car Louver, the car accessory of pure elegance that lets other drivers on the road know that you’re a climate change activist (because those shades keep cars cooler) and a purveyor of auto sophistication.

The Stick-Horse Riding Owl, the owl who gave the people of a Eureka, Ilinois neighborhood a rodeo show in the sky by flying around on a stick horse. Giddyup, giddyup, cowboy owl (cowbowl?)! Yeeeee-WHOOOOWHOOO!

Pringles Pop Box, the little plastic carrying case that held a couple of servings of Pringles, which doesn’t make sense since everyone knows that “one serving” of Pringles is “an entire can that you deep throat into your stomach bag!

Darcie, the dachshund who faced a GREAT MIGHTY WALL (read: a baby gate her human set up) before her and easily conquered that bitch by using her dog brother Benson as a step stool and jumping over it. I bet the ghost of Constantine the Great is happy that Darcie and Benson weren’t around back then because if they were, she would’ve easily bounced over the Walls of Constantinople.

Paula Abdul’s Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade Performance, the tap-synching sequined-covered acid trip EXTRAVAGANZA that Paula Abdul delivered in front of a Jennie-O turkey float. My Thanksgiving Morning cardio was biting my nails as Paula Abdul’s dancers picked her ass up and carried her through the air. Paula is an American treasure and messy icon, they needed to slap a bedazzled “Handle With Care” sign on her!

Voting is below. The winning HSOTM will be named in Crumbs and in this space next Wednesday. December 14!

UPDATE: The Stick-Horse Riding Owl was on Paula Abdul’s sequins-covered Thanksgiving Day Parade ass, but her backup dancers (and your votes!) carried her on to a way. Paula Abdul’s Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade Performance is November’s HSOTM after getting almost 34% of your votes, and she’ll tap-synch her way to the Hot Slut of the Year semi-finals. Thanks to all who voted!

Pics: Reddit, Facebook, Reddit, YouTube, Twitter

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