Mike Rinder’s New Book Gets Into How Scientology Dealt With The John Travolta Gay Rumors, Tried To Woo David Beckham, And Alienated Tom Cruise From Nicole Kidman
Mike Rinder, former high-level Scientologist and co-host of the A&E docuseries, Leah Remini: Scientology and the Aftermath, has a new book. It’s called A Billion Years: My Escape From a Life in the Highest Ranks of Scientology, and it promises to that expose “the dark, dystopian truth about Scientology.” Fun! The book just came out, so there are a bunch of headlines making the rounds today.
For example, those John Travolta gay rumors. 67-year-old Mike claims that, back in the day, he was chatting to John in a hotel suite when a male masseur walked in the room and kissed John on the mouth. Whoops! Then there’s the failed wooing of David and Victoria Beckham. Apparently, Tom Cruise wanted David to be in Scientology so bad that he built a soccer field. But it didn’t work. Whomp, whomp! Finally, there’s the Nicole Kidman stuff. Mike claims that David Miscavige felt Tom was pulling away from the cult while filming Eyes Wide Shut with Nicole in London, so he sent one of his cronies to “audit” Tom. The audit drew Tom back into Scientology and created a distance between him and his wife. Obviously, Scientology denies all of Mike’s allegations. They tell Page Six that he’s an “inveterate liar.” Google says “inveterate” means: “chronic, deep-seated.” So that’s two words Scientology has taught me: “inveterate” and “glib.” Continue reading
I can hardly think of an unholier trinity than The Kardashian Formerly Known as Kanye West, Marilyn Manson, and Justin Bieber, huddled together in prayer and wearing the entire sales rack at Sheets-R-Us, but I guess that’s what passes for church these days. According to Page Six, Ye has resurrected his Sunday Service concerts and at one held yesterday on an undisclosed rooftop somewhere in LA, his new friend Marilyn led a prayer circle. Justin also read a prayer where he thanked God for birds when what he should be praying for is God’s aim when he finally moves on Marilyn. “Lord, give me the strength to step back 10 feet, I’m not trying to get struck by some other dude’s lighting On This Sunday, Amen!”
Today in LOL DUHHH BITCH, Real Housewives of Salt Lake City cast member Mary Cosby is running a cult. We knew this. I mean, step-grandpa-marrying Mary is constantly denying that her Faith Temple Pentecostal Church is a cult, but there’s just so much proof that it is. And yesterday The Daily Beast published an exposé in which many of her ex-followers confirmed that, YES, it’s a cult, Mary thinks she’s God on Earth, and she’s draining her congregant’s bank accounts so she can live like a queen. I, for one, am SHOCKED the Bravo network would hire someone so shady! That has never ever ever happened before in the history of Real Housewives! Continue reading
For the past couple of years, The Weeknd has been fully committed to looking like his album After Hours sounds. He’s been doing it for so long, that he’s perfectly nailed down the kind of energy that makes a person want to ask him to blink twice if he needs help. So really, who better to produce, co-write, and star in a gritty HBO series about a club owner-turned-cult leader?
I didn’t know it was possible to be a member of two different cults simultaneously yet Kirstie Alley has proved that anything is possible if you’re dumb enough. Back in October, Kirstie let it be known that she was going to vote for Donald Trump, thus pledging her allegiance to the MAGA movement and embracing all that comes with it. She called Nancy Pelosi EVIL, and quoted QAnon’s now-suspended Twitter Page saying “WHERE WE GO ONE WE GO ALL *American flag emoji* I like it.” Yet, after last Wednesday’s insurrection (look at me, casually mentioning an insurrection when it should be The Kid’s Choice Awards or some shit. What a year[s]) Kirstie had an opportunity to distance herself from the mob but instead chose to lean on her all caps key and assert that Twitter’s decision to suspend Trump’s Twitter account was “SLAVERY” and that “BIG TECH” now holds “the keys to the chains.” Please forgive her. It must be so confusing holding competing ideologies that are both rooted in science fiction, especially considering the fact that one of them probably involves literal slavery. And let’s not forget the fact that she is also, apparently, very, very dumb.
Selena Gomez Has Quit Hillsong Church As New Allegations Of “Inappropriate Sexual Behavior” Among Staff Come Forward
Stop thinking about whatever dumb shit you’re thinking about right now! The only question that should be on everyone’s mind at this moment in time is where will Selena Gomez worship now! Page Six reports that Selena has cut ties with Hillsong Church with sources claiming she feels “disillusioned” by Carl Lentz and his wandering peen. And according to multiple sources, one man’s dick is just the tip (of the iceberg). I have to wonder also if she finally realized that the only reason she and Justin Bieber were only invited to do couples counseling so Carl could check the couch cushions for any loose gold chains and diamonds that might have fallen out during their sessions.