Things are going to be a little awkward at happy hour tonight at the Church of Scientology because of all the snickering and giggles emanating up from the he-man-woman-hater basement steam room. We all know John Travolta, Kelly Preston, and Kirstie Alley spend their time swapping wig and hair tips, errr, reading L. Ron Hubbard books and scribbling “Leah Remini is a fug be-yotch” in their trapper keepers. Well, Kirstie spent the better part of the 80s apparently also writing “Mrs. Kirstie Travolta” in hers. Kirstie has long talked about her crotch Thetans getting hot over John Travolta and now she’s saying the “hardest decision” she ever made was not sleeping with John. The Celebrity Centre Bath House is steaming with LAUGHS today.
Kirstie Alley cleared the phlegm out of her throat long enough to regale her Celebrity Big Brother UK housemates with tales of her deep and abiding love for fellow #thot4thetan John Travolta. This is not the first time Kirstie has proclaimed that John was the love of her life, she was singing the same song back in 2012. Alas, it seems they were always destined to just be two Galactic Confederacy spaceships passing in the night.
We’ve all had a little too much and hallucinated some shit from time to time. Hell, I’m still not 100% convinced it wasn’t my childhood dog (who would be 35 today) standing outside the bar I stumbled home from last night. Kirstie Alley is apparently hard for a check and agreed to be in the Celebrity Big Brother house in the UK. In a moment of everyone’s favorite game of name dropping, Kirstie told her housemates how she’s friends with Courtney Love and that when she went over to her house for “snacks” one day, and met Prince Charles. Girl, what kind of snacks were those?!
Looks like Celebrity Big Brother UK just lost it’s biggest star which, for a show with the same prestige as the featured artist at a dive bar with no signage on the outside, is saying a lot. Deadline is reporting that THE Stormy Daniels has pulled out of the show at the last minute.
Stormy showed up to the UK to be a part of the month-long shoot, potentially having agreed to an initial fee of close to $1 million. For someone who fucked Donald Trump I approve of her getting a million. That’s a trauma from which only money can save you. Things didn’t end up shaking out that way, and she agreed to a measly $250, 000 for a full week of work. After Stormy did some preliminary taping, she ended up refusing to enter the house after “failing to agree to terms”. They probably asked her to describe Trump’s sexual activities in-depth and she refused to scar the people of the UK with such information. Good for you Stormy! Keep doing the lord’s work!
If there’s one thing Scientologists hate more than quack psychologists, it’s lunatic physicists with their science and logic backed hypothesis about the universe. As anyone who’s bothered to learn the truth about space things and such can tell you, Stephen Hawking was out of his goddamn mind. It’s no wonder the inimitable mind of Kirstie Alley felt the need to take the foolish little man down a peg with a eulogy befitting the charlatan who wouldn’t know a thetan if it hit him between the eyes.
Normally when Kirstie Alley is looking for ways to piss off society-at-large, she does normal fame ho things like endorse Donald Trump or throw darts at a photo of Leah Remini, so her latest stunt may have been – dare I say it – an actual misspeak? The first rule of curling is you don’t shit on curling.
Every Winter Olympics, there’s nothing better than watching a team of four people who look like suburban parents push a big stone Roomba around. Curling may not be the most athletic of sports, but what they lack in physical ardor, they make up in screams! Kirstie wasn’t having any of it, and she quickly found out curling wasn’t having any of Kirstie. Continue reading