Category: No Thank You

Chris Pratt Dismissed His Haters By Comparing Himself To Jesus

May 8, 2023 / Posted by:

For many, Chris Pratt has firmly cemented himself as The Worst Chris™ (movie edition; Chris Brown exists) for a wide array of offenses like bastardizing our beloved childhood characters, being a member of an anti-LGBTQ church, thanking his wife, Katherine Schwarzenegger for their “healthy daughter” while also having a medically fragile son with his ex-wife Anna Faris, and railing against his “woke” critics. Though if you asked him, he’d still probably say it was only because he’s super vocal about loving him some Jesus. The never shutting up about that is undoubtedly part of it, and right on cue, he’s at it again by citing scripture and comparing his struggle with detractors to Jesus’.

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Open Post: Hosted By Gwyneth Paltrow Saying That Rectal Ozone Therapy Is The Weirdest Wellness Thing She’s Done

March 14, 2023 / Posted by:

Since starting Goop in 2008, Gwyneth Paltrow aimed to share ways to “nourish the inner aspect” through unconventional and expensive wellness fads and lifestyle items with other wildly pretentious people, and also to turn a profit, obviously. So, she’s tried a lot of things over the years, but while guesting on The Art of Being Well, she shared that the strangest wellness thing she’s ever tried is rectal ozone therapy, which is when ozone gas is pumped right into your fart-box. Though the FDA warns against it, Gwyneth (and others who also aren’t qualified to give medical advice) claim it has many benefits.

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Open Post: Hosted By The Failed McDonald’s Proposal

May 6, 2022 / Posted by:

A man in South Africa has gone viral after he proposed to his girlfriend in a McDonald’s and got brutally, publicly rejected. The clip, which ended up on Twitter, shows the dude on one knee, presenting the unnamed woman with a little box (presumably there’s an engagement ring inside, but maybe a McNugget?). The crowd at the McDonald’s cheers, but the woman is having none of it. She shakes her head and says no to her would-be-fiancé. Then she walks out as the crowd boos. After her exit, the failed proposer stands back up and slinks away with his meal.

Here’s the worst part: it’s a McDonald’s… in a mall. Who in their right mind would say yes to a proposal in a mall McDonald’s? And don’t say Grimace, cuz everybody knows he’s a desperate purple slut with zero standards. Continue reading

Open Post: Hosted By Egg The Kitty’s Reaction To A Harness

April 25, 2022 / Posted by:

There once was a small kitten named Egg. Egg’s humans, Samantha Hogue and her boyfriend Denny Park, lived in Bellevue, Washington. The city’s name is derived from the French term “belle vue” (“beautiful view”). Maybe that’s why Egg’s humans wanted to leash-train him, so he could strut around town and enjoy the sights, like all those lucky dogs! Unfortunately, Egg did not immediately take to his new harness. Fortunately, his reaction was filmed and got him over 280,000 fans on TikTok.

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Janet Jackson Doesn’t Want Anything To Do With The New York Times Documentary About Her Super Bowl Halftime Show

November 26, 2021 / Posted by:

Back in March, The New York Times, in association with Hulu and FX, dropped Framing Britney Spears, a documentary that looked to effectively re-write the narrative surrounding Britney Spears’ 13-year-long conservatorship. And yeah, mission accomplished. The next person The New York Times was hoping to reputationally rehab with a documentary is Janet Jackson, whose career seemingly took a sudden nosedive after her 2004 Super Bowl Halftime Show performance, in which one of her titties was exposed after Justin Timberlake yanked at her costume. Last week, The New York Times finally dropped Malfunction: The Dressing Down of Janet Jackson. I’m sure it’s not too much of a stretch to assume that Justin Timberlake wants nothing to do with Malfunction. But according to Miss Jackson’s former stylist, Janet doesn’t want to be involved with Malfunction either.

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Open Post: Hosted By A Japanese “Super Death” Roller Coaster That Was Suspended After Injuring Riders

August 27, 2021 / Posted by:

Sorry, adrenaline junkies. Japan’s Fuji-Q Highland Park has been forced to suspend the Do-Dodonpa roller coaster after at least six people reported injuries from the ride. Six people since December. Do-Dodonpa is famous for its “super death” acceleration, the fastest in the world; it hits 112 miles per hour in just 1.56 seconds. Literally breakneck speeds. Like, literally literally; four of the six injured riders claim to have broken their necks or backs on the ride. See, this is why I stick to Ferris wheels and lazy river raft rides. A much smaller risk of neck breakage and wild geese hurling themselves at your face.

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