Ever since Louis C.K. confirmed the longstanding rumors that he was a dick-yanking creep, and was subsequently fired and dropped from everything, he’s been trying to stage his big comeback. Between the red hair and the delusion, he’s like if Valerie Cherish were awful. And his comeback just hasn’t happened yet, because it seems that every time his name is in the news, it’s for something bad. Remember Louis LOL-ing about the n-word? Or when Louis roasted up the surviving Parkland High School shooting victims? We’ve got a new one to add to the list of Embarrassing Reasons Why Louis CK Is Trending Today, and it’s because Joe Biden sent back a donation Louis made to his 2020 Presidential campaign.
Move over, Kim Kardashian. Ray J is here to try to outdo you when it comes to attention whores earning do-gooding points by getting prisoners out of prison. Although, Kim helped to release Alice Johnson, someone who shouldn’t be in prison. And Ray J is trying to release someone who should stay in prison, a place where inmates can’t drive cars to run over men with.
Ray J is all about Suge Knight right now, because he’s working with Nick Cannon on a Suge Knight movie. Ray J probably wants Suge Knight to walk the carpet at the opening of that movie, because he’s trying to get into the ear of Trump to get Suge pardoned. Ray J believes that Suge Knight is no longer a cold-blooded killer and is a changed man!
In a big win for sub-mediocrity, the director who coaxed 2 Razzie award winning performances out of his leads in The Wedding Ringer is having more money thrown at him to write and direct a reboot of Look Who’s Talking. Cue Kirstie Alley getting her agent on the phone in hopes of one last shot at riding John Travolta’s wild hog. Nobody tell her they’re going in a different direction with this one. I want to see how this plays out.
Ah, Hollywood – land of dreams, glamour and glitz, and all those things. Well, OK, Sherman Oaks but who’s counting. If the siren song of the west calls your name, I’ve got exciting news for you. For a small fee, even you, a lowly nobody with 23 Instagram followers, can taste the exciting world of the Troll doll crack den that is The Trippy Twins Fun House, owned by Bella Thorne. It’s totally tricked out and Instagram ready, and guided tours are available for just $50. That’s less than the price of a (recommended) Hep C vaccine! According to Page Six, the house is also available to rent for parties, photo shoots, or as a film location if your movie is called The Candy Land Murder House.
Jennifer Aniston has been lucky enough to be in the presence of Dolly Parton a lot lately as they promote their Netflix movie Dumplin’. Dolly even went as to say that Jen is her husband Carl Dean‘s first choice for a threesome. Jen must be riding an awfully high horse after receiving that biggest compliment of her entire life, so she was slightly delusional when she said that a Friends revival could turn into a Golden Girls reboot.
And on the next episode of the Scientology Network’s CSI (Church of Scientology Investigation): Clearwater, Detective Tommy Girl continues to investigate the threats against his precious church. “So the question becomes, Detective Johnny T, does ice cream make you gay…” *puts on sunglasses* “Or do gays make ice cream?”
Move over Comedy Central, because there’s a new hilarious comedy channel coming up on the scene. Your DirecTV DVR, Roku or Apple TV device will soon start to reek of lukewarm bullshit and burnt Thetans (which strangely enough, smell exactly like lukewarm bullshit), because The Hollywood Reporter says that Scientology has finally delivered a gift to the zero of you who have thought, “I really love all of these Scientology commercials and wish there was an entire network filled with them!” Xenu TV, the Scientology Network, will makes it debut on streaming services and DirecTV tonight. So if want to give Scientology some hits, and also want a reason to heave up your lungs tonight, you know what to watch.