Would You Hit It?

By “it,” I’m not talking about that poster. I’m also not talking about Billy Bob Thornton’s sixth wife Connie Angland. I’m also also not talking about that ball of lit-up dildos in the background. (Although, I’d totally hit every piece of that.) I’m talking about Billy Bob Thornton himself.

Last night was the Hollywood premiere of Our Brand Is Oscar Bait and Billy Bob Thornton really overdressed for it. It’s just a damn stupid premiere for a stupid movie. He didn’t have to go all out like that. I’m sure the other dudes there shrank into a pile of inadequacy when they saw BBT looking like he was about to have caviar and champagne with THE QUEEN. USA Today asked Billy Bob why he showed up dressed like a hip old dude trying to fit in with the youngins’ at a small town gay bar and he said that it’s simple. He’s all out of two things: Shirts with sleeves and fucks to give.

“Every time I try to dress up, I get there and go ‘Why did I dress up?’. I don’t think it matters. And this is kinda the way I dress, so I figure, come as myself.”

Billy Bob’s look is a little bit “lazy Linda Perry cosplay” and equal parts “truck stop ladies bathroom peeping tom” and “Florida meth dealer who also sings the lead in a Buckcherry cover band.” Usually, I’d be into those looks, but no, I would not hit it. I have furniture in my bedroom that was made before the 1950s, and I would not move it just so Billy Bob could bust a nut instead of busting a panic attack.

Here’s a million more pictures from last night’s premiere including some of Sandra Bullock, her dog shit vigilante man and George and Amal Clooney.

Pics: Wenn.com

You Know, Why Didn’t A Horse Direct “Seabiscuit”?

Fresh off of his “joke” about how he’s definitely drinking Donald Trump’s Kool-Aid, Anthony Mackie is back to give us more drops of wisdom from his mind. While promoting Our Brand Is Crisis (aka The Lady From The Blind Side Goes To Bolivia), Anthony did an interview with The Daily Beast where he said that democracy isn’t for every country and some people just need a dictator. Um, how Anthony Mackie hasn’t been added to the cast of The View is beyond me! Anthony didn’t stop there. He gave his thoughts about who should direct the Black Panther movie.

In case you’re not a Marvel nerd, Black Panther is a superhero who used to be the king of a fictional African nation. Chadwick Boseman is playing the title role in the Black Panther movie and Ava DuVernay, the director of Selma, was rumored to be in talks to direct it. She denied that shit and said she isn’t going to direct it. Anthony, who plays The Falcon in the Marvel movies and begged to be Black Panther, tells The Daily Beast that he doesn’t think the movie necessarily needs a black director. And then he gave an analogy that truly made me laugh out loud:

“I don’t think it’s important at all. As a director your job is to tell a story. You know, they didn’t get a horse to direct Seabiscuit! The thing is I don’t think the race of the director has to do with their ability to tell a story. I think it’s all about the director’s ability to be able to relate to that story and do it justice. I think men can direct women, and two of my greatest work experiences were with female directors. So I think it all depends. May the best man—or woman—win.”

I laughed, but Anthony did make me think. I mean, Seabiscuit should’ve been directed by a horse. Damn us humans for taking jobs away from horses! I thought Seabiscuit was awful, but I’m sure I would’ve loved it if a horse directed it. If anything, I would’ve loved the behind-the-scenes footage showing Martin Horsese directing Tobey Maguire. Thank you, Anthony Mackie, for giving me this image.

And now that Anthony mentions it, the Black Panther movie should be directed by an actual panther.

Pics: Wenn.com, iStock, Deviant Art

Anthony Mackie Thinks A Woman’s Role Is To Make Daddy A Sandwich

Yes, Anthony Mackie is one of those who wants his girlfriend to call him “daddy.”

Anthony Mackie’s mouth is on a roll! Anthony Mackie’s mouth got him into some shit the other day when he said in an interview with theGrio that Selma got snubbed at the Oscars, because people are tired of being bombarded with race. Anthony also said that black guys with dreadlocks shouldn’t be surprised when the police think they’re up to no good and they’re part of the police violence problem. Anthony cried that he was lied to and he was promised that his words were off the record, but theGrio delivered the receipts in the form of video of the interview that proved otherwise. And well, his mouth is back!

Anthony was on Wendy Williams and she brought up his thoughts on gender roles. Anthony, who has been with his girlfriend since the 2nd grade, told Wendy that he’s Southern so he believes that if a dude mows the lawn and opens up her car door, his woman better make him a goddamn sandwich and she better call him daddy. Even Wendy said that she’s grossed out by chicks who call their man “daddy.” But Anthony kept on and kept on and said that men want to be called daddy and they want that sandwich! The daddy and sandwich talks starts at around the 5:25 mark:

Kaley Cuoco just fell in love for real.

Never mind that you’re probably looking at me like, “Michael, stop playing and don’t act like you’ve never called a dude daddy before, you nasty, gross slut,” what is it with these “make me sammy” types always wanting a simple sandwich. It is 2015 and they should go harder. I mean, if they’re going to be doing hard labor like open a car door and push a lawn mower, they should except more than a simple sandwich. They should expect their woman to make the bread herself, slaughter the pig for the ham, grow her own lettuce, whip a bunch of eggs into mayo and while she’s doing that, she better iron his chonies before stitching the words “my daddy” into them. All he wants is a simple sandwich? Come on, Anthony!

And when Wendy asked Anthony what kind of sandwich his woman makes for daddy, he said, “Ham usually, but she adds this delicious spread that’s pretty slimy and green. Daddy loves it!“