The GLAAD Media Awards were on Saturday, and as you can see, Robert De Niro got to take home an award. For those of you wondering “Does the G in GLAAD stand for geriatric straights?“, they were actually recognizing Robert De Niro with the Excellence in Media Award for a documentary he produced about his father, Robert De Niro Sr. (who was gay) called Remembering the Artist. De Niro got to pick who presented him with his award, so he picked America’s cool best friend from summer camp Jennifer Lawrence. I guess Jinx the Cat was busy?

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Calling all fashion blogs! Calling all fashion blogs! You can go ahead and shut down and take the rest of the week off, because no look will outdo the opulent and genteel ensemble that Mimi wore to the NBC Universal Upfronts in NYC today. I don’t know if that outfit looks like it came out of a package marked “Stereotypical Hooker Costume” or a package marked “Stereotypical Rock of Love Ho Costume.” You’re right, a stereotypical hooker and a stereotypical Rock of Love ho are the same thing. But seriously, I love how Mimi is so rich that she queefs up diamond dust and she’s engaged to an Australian woodland giant who butt burps out gold bars, and yet she still looks like she buys her dresses with wadded-up bills at a “cash only” hooker clothing store in a strip mall on the outskirts of Las Vegas. I am telling no jokes when I say that nothing says elegance like “my purse is full of nut rags.”

The Hello Kitty Unicornie Rainbow One was at the NBC Upfronts today to push Mariah’s World, her 8-episode E! “docu-series.” (“Docu-series” is reality TV’s equally-as-trashy, but snobby, cousin whose name is Andrea and she gets really mad when you pronounce it “Ann-Dree-Uh” instead of “Ahn-Dree-Uh.“) As was announced a couple of months ago, Mariah’s World will follow the decadent butterfly as she travels through Europe with her tour and plans her wedding to Dr. Frankenstein’s richest monster. The trailer was also released today and it shows Mimi telling us that fluorescent lighting is her kryptonite, Mimi talking with that manager everyone hates and Mimi walking down stairs by herself. E! must have spent most of the budget on CGI’ing Mimi’s face on a stunt double’s body, because the real Mimi doesn’t do stairs.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IItke7NGRxE

I don’t know, maybe E! is saving the good shit for the actual show. I was hoping for an extra long version of Mimi’s legendary Cribs episode. Where is the scene where Mimi goes into the bathtub while wearing a towel? Where is the scene where she pulls her dog out of the dryer? Actually, Mimi is marrying a billionaire, so she doesn’t dry her dog in the dryer like a peon. She makes her dogs’ assistants take them to be dry cleaned.

And here’s more of Mimi dripping in ho stroll glamour, and pictures of her and James Packer at the GLAAD Awards on Saturday night.

Pics: Wenn.com, Splash

Sorry, Argentina. I’m sure you really wanted to see Justin Bieber’s “I need to make pee pee” dance moves, but it’s not going to happen any time soon. Earlier today, Joel Osteen Jr. took advantage of Tim Horton’s generous free WiFi to tweet a tour update. The South American dates for Bieber’s Purpose World Tour haven’t been announced yet. But according to Justin, it doesn’t matter how many people scream “COME TO BRAZIL’S NEIGHBOR!” at him on Instagram, his lawyers have recently told him that he won’t be going to Argentina.

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Kristen Stewart and SoKo, the French singer who dresses like the youngest member of Kids Inc., stopped getting into some hipster clit wrestling with each other a few weeks ago, and it looks like KStew has rebound from her rebound with her ex-piece Alicia Cargile. Kristen and Alicia are currently in Cannes, as is SoKo. I don’t know how you say,”hipster lesbian love triangle alert,” in French, but I’m sure it sounds sexy and fancy.

While looking like the Bushwick version of Portia de Rossi and Ellen DeGeneres going to a funeral, KStew and Alicia went to the screening of American Honey at Cannes yesterday. They also held hands last night and Alicia carried KStew’s Vans for her. So either Alicia is back to being KStew’s assistant, or they’re back to fucking, or both. KStew and Alicia broke up sometime around October of last year, and then her coochie moved on to SoKo. After KStew and SoKo broke up, SoKo seemed to accuse her of cheating and passing her poon to another.

And now they’re all at Cannes together!

I see that Kristen Stewart still thinks she’s the real-life Shane from The L Word and I’m sure we’ll soon hear about how she’s Arianna Huffington’s hairstylist now and also fucked a mother and a daughter (please don’t let it be Lindsay Lohan and White Oprah). And since SoKo seems like she’s on the wrong side of crazy, the people at Cannes better put on plastic hooded ponchos, because the grease is going to fly when those three tussle on the red carpet.

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com

Apparently Ruby Rose has more in common with Justin Bieber than just delicate faces and a love of random tattoos. On Friday, Ruby Rose, from Orange is the New Black, was kicked out of a bar in New Orleans. Ruby Rose was kicked out after she got into a fight with bar staff and assaulted them with french fries.

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TMZ has put Sinead O’Connor’s face on a milk carton by reporting that she is missing and police in Wilmette, Illinois are looking for her and believe she’s suicidal. Not today, 2016, not today.

Sinead went for a bike ride in Wilmette, which is a suburb of Chicago, yesterday and when she never came back, someone called the cops. Sinead was on a motorized Raleigh bike with a pink basket on it, and she was wearing a black parka, black leather pants and a sweatshirt with “Ireland” on the back of it. An alert was sent out to the police officers and they classified Sinead as “missing suicidal.” Sinead is apparently staying with friends in Wilmette and the alert says that she went for a bike ride at around 6 in the morning yesterday.

Early yesterday morning, Sinead posted an open message on Facebook to a “Jake.” Jake is the name of Sinead’s 28-year-old son, so this message was probably for him:

Jake, kindly go to the court on Tuesday and take custody your brother from Tusla. My lawyer will be making the illegal way yourself and Donal got him into Tusla (lying to the cops etc) known to the judge. expect to be in trouble. In fact you’d best bring a lawyer of your own. And do not abandon your brother or any other of my babies again. What you have done to your brother and your mother is LITERALLY criminal.

Sinead is currently in a long custody fight with her ex Donal Lunny over their 12-year-old son Shane. On Friday, she wrote an open letter to Shane where she told him that she’s trying to him out of “care” and advised him to get his own lawyer to fight Tulsa. Sinead was also recently sued by Arsenio Hall (or “Arse-inio” as she calls him) for saying that he was Prince’s bitch and pill supplier. And last November, Sinead was found safe after she said in a Facebook status that she had taken an overdose. And hopefully she’s found safe this time too.

UPDATE: Just when I was about to scream at the police in Wilmette to drag Arsenio Hall into the station for questioning, Sinead has been found safe and she’s no longer listed as a missing person. Now she can get back to fighting the good fight by telling us about the trials and tribulations of the difficult brown and hating on the real enemy: Kim Kuntrashian.

Pic: Wenn.com