Jessica Lange And Susan Sarandon Will “Feud” As Joan Crawford And Bette Davis For A New Ryan Murphy Show
The Ryan Murphy Network (real name: FX) set fire to the b-holes of fans of legendary bitch fights and Old Hollywood scandals today when they announced that they have ordered a new Ryan Murphy anthology series about classic feuds. The first season of the series, titled Feuds, will cover the rivalry between Joan Crawford and Bette Davis while shooting What Ever Happened To Baby Jane? Ryan Murphy’s muse Jessica Lange will play Joan Crawford and Susan Sarandon will play Bette Davis. In the future, every show on television will be a Ryan Murphy anthology series starring Jessica Lange.
Making Fun Of An Autistic Janitor Cost 50 Cent $100,000
Over the weekend, 50 Cent proved that he deserves to keep his spot in the Asshole Hall of Fame after he recorded a video of himself accidentally making fun of a hearing-impaired autistic 19-year-old janitor at the Cincinnati/Northern Kentucky Airport. The man he made fun of, Andrew Farrell, and his family didn’t think it was so funny, and they threatened to sue him for $1 million. Eventually they decided that a sincere apology would be sufficient and scrapped the lawsuit idea. When 50’s apology came in the form of a 51-word statement released to Page Six, they tacked on a $10,000 donation to Autism Speaks.
Obviously, my response to their request that he donate $10,000 to Autism Speaks was “Yeah, good luck with ever seeing that money“, since, you know, 50 claims that he’s broke. In a shocking turn of events, that $10,000 donation to Autism Speaks did happen. It just didn’t have 50 Cent’s name on the check. TMZ says Martin Shkreli, yes the smug-faced jerk who price gouged a bunch of life-saving drugs, went ahead and made that donation.
50 Cent must have realized that it’s not a good situation to be in when Martin Shkreli looks like the good guy, so he opened his wallet and made an even-larger donation to Autism Speaks. TMZ says he added an extra zero onto the original amount and cut a check for $100,000.
I don’t know much about money, but $100,000 is an awful lot of money for a person who filed for bankruptcy. This might be a good way for all of 50 Cent’s creditors to get their money back. They just have to catch 50 Cent doing something dumb (it shouldn’t be hard) and request he make a donation of however much he owes to The Foundation For People Who Want To Get Paid Back By 50 Cent.
Pic: Wenn.com
Pull Out Those Sticky Dollar Bills, Magic Mike Live Is Coming To Vegas!
The first Magic Mike made over $113 million in the US, and even though the second one made just over $66 million, it still turned a profit. Channing Tatum is continuing to milk Magic Mike for money, and announced yesterday that a peen-flapping, crotch-thrusting, nipple-flashing Magic Mike Live show is hitting the Hard Rock (I see what they did there) in Las Vegas next March. If your genitals howl like a cartoon wolf in a tux over Channing Tatum, tell it to calm down, because he’s not going to be a regular in the show.
Robert Downey Jr. Says His “Free Pass” Is Gwyneth Paltrow
“So help me god if the cheap ChapStick on his mouth gives me a $0.99 rash on my organic cheek” is what I imagine Goopy is thinking through that tight smile.
In case you’re not familiar with the concept of the “Free Pass“, it’s an invisible pretend coupon that one person presents to the person they’re with that grants them permission to do stuff with whomever they want. Sometimes it’s someone famous, like Jon Hamm or ScarJo or Jessie Spano’s hot step-brother Eric. Sometimes it’s a person you know, like the sexy cashier who gives you a wink when you buy butt cream at CVS. For Robert Downey Jr., the name written on his Free Pass is “Gwyneth Paltrow.”
RDJ was on The Howard Stern Show yesterday (via UsWeekly) to pimp out his latest reason for receiving a giant paycheck. After hinting that Gwyneth’s Iron Man character will probably make an appearance in another Marvel movie, the conversation turned to how his wife, Susan Downey, is totally fine with her husband making out with Gwyneth on-screen.
“I’m very happily married … but I guess I could dream a bit. My ‘free pass’ is, because her and Susan are such good friends, is Paltrow. I gotta get her back in these movies, so I can make out with her on screen again.”
However, that doesn’t mean that Robert Downey Jr. has permission to hump on Gwyneth in his Iron Man trailer during lunch. RDJ says his wife doesn’t care what happens while the cameras are rolling, but that’s about as far as his Free Pass goes.
That’s pretty loose definition of a Free Pass. No fucking? Free Passes must work differently in Hollywood. Maybe it’s because so many on-screen make-outs have turned into a call to the housekeeper asking them to pack up their stuff and send it in a cab to their co-star’s house. That’s probably what Susan meant with that Free Pass. “Okay, you can kiss on Gwyneth as much as you want. But I swear to god, if you come home one day smelling like mugworth steam…”
Pic: Wenn.com
Madge’s Open Air Nalgas Were A Political Statement, Okay?
When Madonna showed up to the Met Gala on Monday night wearing some kind of sex dungeon Game of Thrones ensemble, many of us said to ourselves, “Attention is coming….” And it did in all forms. Some hos slow clapped for Madge bringing her 57-year-old chichis and ass out. Some said that Madge needs more people… who will tell her to cover that ass up. Some Catholic abuelitas reached for their rosaries after seeing their black lace veil on Madge’s butt cheeks. Others let out a “meh” and continued to sip their spiked tea because seeing Madge’s full moon is more of a regular occurrence than seeing an actual full moon. Of course, Madge had something to say to the bitches hating on her ass. Since lately, Madge lives for the Instagram likes, she used Instagram to tell the people hating on her Illuminati priestess ho shit outfit to eat her ass.
Demi Lovato Went On A Bit Of A Twitter Rant Last Night
Yesterday, Demi Lovato dragged Nicki Minaj for being maybe-shady and not tagging her in an Instagram picture. Demi only came for Nicki on Snapchat and Instagram, and I felt a little cheated, because everyone knows you haven’t truly started shit with someone on social media unless you take a bitchy swipe at them on Twitter. Well, last night Demi completed her mission to create some unnecessary drama by hopping on Twitter and going for it. But she gave Nicki the night off, and went after internet trolls instead.