Shannen Doherty Shared Photos Of Her Shaved Head As She Fights Cancer
Shannen Doherty was forced to announce last year that she’s shank fighting the cunt of all cunts, cancer, after the media became aware of her lawsuit against her former business manager. Shannen sued her ex-business manager for not making one payment to her health insurance to SAG in 2014, causing them to cancel her plan. Shannen had to wait a few months until she could re-enroll and so she didn’t get her usual doctor check-up. When she finally got health insurance again in March 2015, she went to the doctor and that’s when they discovered she had “invasive breast cancer metastatic to at least one lymph node.” The doctors told Shannen she needed a double mastectomy and chemotherapy. Shannen is about to go through chemotherapy, so she prepared to show cancer the WRATH OF BRENDA WALSH by cutting off her hair.
With her mother and friend by her side, 45-year-old Shannen took scissors and a razor to her hair and cut most of it off. She took pictures of each step and posted them on Instagram today.
Shannen Doherty must beat cancer the same way she should’ve beat down the original Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston known as Kelly Taylor and Dylan McKay. Because Shannen’s acting services will be needed in 30 years when The Metamucil Channel (formerly TV Land) reboots Beverly Hills, 90210 as Boca Raton, 33427 and Kelly and Dylan finally get theirs when Brenda busts into the retirement home rec room to handle those two-faced tramp slut whores for once and for all! Only she may have to wait a second, because Kelly and Dylan will be both asleep from listening to David Silver playing “Be My Love” on the piano organ.
via NYDN
Jennifer Hudson Will Star In Adam Sandler’s Next Netflix Movie
I don’t know what Jennifer Hudson did to her agent to make the words “Jennifer Hudson to star in Adam Sandler’s next Netflix movie” happen. Maybe she forgot her agent’s birthday. Maybe her agent asked her to hold the elevator and she hit the “door close” button instead. Or maybe her agent wasn’t exactly feeling that time Jennifer shat on the last job she got after she was denied a Tony nomination. Whatever the reason, here’s where it led us: Oscar-winning actress Jennifer Hudson has agreed to star in Adam Sandler’s latest made-for-Netflix movie.
The Hollywood Reporter has all the details about JHud’s next role. She’ll be playing a singer named Courtney Clarke in Adam Sandler’s Sandy Wexler, a movie set in the 90s about a Los Angeles talent manager named Sandy Wexler. Sandy Wexler begins shooting in two weeks, and will be released on Netflix sometime in 2017.
Obviously an Adam Sandler direct-to-Netflix movie won’t exactly be the shiniest jewel on Jennifer Hudson’s IMDB page, but she still gets paid for it, so who cares. And who knows? Maybe this Adam Sandler movie won’t be as bad as The Ridiculous 6. Or The Do-Over. What’s that they say about third time’s the charm?
The only other thing known about the Jennifer Hudson’s role in Sandy Wexler is that she plays Adam Sandler’s love interest, and that he falls in love with her at an amusement park. That’s a story I think we can all relate to. I mean, who of us hasn’t experienced the bliss of falling in love with a singer while trying not to throw up corn dogs on the zipper as a remix of Ace of Base’s “Beautiful Life” blares at full-volume into your ear? Tale as old as time.
Pic: Wenn.com
Matt Damon Understands Why People Want To Remove The Guns From The “Jason Bourne” Posters
Last week while encouraging the Oberlin college students to fight the good fight for authentic dining hall sushi, Lena Dunham reposted (then later deleted) an Instagram post by Girls producer Tami Sagher encouraging New Yorkers to peel away the guns from the Jason Bourne subway posters. Maria Menounos recently asked Jason Bourne himself what he thought about Lena Dunham calling on subway passengers to remove the gun from his cold, two-dimensional hands.
Taylor Swift Hasn’t Dropped Her Plans To Get Legal Revenge On Kimye
Yesterday, Allison brought us the news from TMZ that Kim Kartrashian probably won’t have to figure out a way to make prison-made Botox out of anus-numbing cream and pen ink from the commissary, because she and Kanye West didn’t commit a felony when they recorded and posted his telephone conversation with Taylor Swift about his song “Famous.” Only “confidential” conversations fall under California’s wiretapping law and since Kanye had Tay Tay on speaker and other people were in the room, it’s apparently not considered “confidential.” But that piece of information hasn’t stopped Taylor from putting together a mock trial, starring her cats and Furby collection, to practice for the day when she sees those whores in court!
Miranda Kerr Is Getting Married To Her Billionaire Snapchat Boyfriend
That loud slapping sound you hear is billionaire gold diggers across the globe giving Miranda Kerr a standing ovation while sniffing back tears of pure pride. Not only has Miranda managed to land herself two billionaires (and once been the reason for one of those billionaires to get into a messy front lawn fight with another billionaire), but she recently announced that she’s now engaged to one. AND he’s only 26 years old. Step aside, Mariah; your game is no match for that of Miranda Kerr.
Miranda announced the good news that she’s getting married to her boyfriend of one year, Snapchat founder Evan Spiegel. This will be Evan’s first marriage and Miranda’s second. Miranda is 33, but her engagement announcement seems like it was made by a Snapchat-obsessed 9-year-old girl.
What, was the dog filter too tacky? That is not the engagement announcement I would except from the future wife of a billionaire. First of all, THAT RING! What is it, three, maybe four carats? Is everything okay with your financial situation, Evan? An engagement ring from a billionaire should be so large that it comes with a warning from the Surgeon General not to look at it in direct sunlight without the aid of a pair of disposable solar eclipse glasses. Second, black and white? How am I supposed to know if that’s a red diamond? Don’t tell me that’s just a basic-ass regular diamond. Do billionaires not have access to insanely rare and expensive gemstones anymore? What is the world coming to when a billionaire doesn’t propose with a ring so heavy it will sprain a wrist?
Pic: Splash
One Of Donald Trump’s Speechwriters Threw Herself Under The Gold Bus For Melania
When everyone found out that my favorite Dynasty character who was never a Dynasty character, Melania Trump, played a one-person game of Telephone at the Republican National Convention by repeatings parts of Michelle Obama’s 2008 Democratic National Convention speech, Donald Trump’s staff threw out a few excuses hoping that one would stick. They called it a coincidence, they blamed Hillary Clinton and one RNC official dragged Twilight Sparkle (the My Little Pony, not Robert Pattinson) into it. I was really hoping that the Trump campaign would shut everyone up by saying that Michelle Obama is a time traveller who leaped to the future and recorded Melania’s entire speech before going back to 2008. But instead of playing that logical card, the Trump campaign found a sacrificial lamb to fall on her gold-plated marble sword, as Melania Trump stood by looking devastatingly gorgeous.