Fox put out the newest trailer for their version of The Rocky Horror Picture Show, which comes out this Halloween. They should’ve kept it. Or at least kept most of it. I’ll take the parts with Tim Curry and Rocky’s nipples.

Fox farted up a bunch of pictures of their take on Rocky Horror back in May, and it looked like they took the beloved cult classic, hosed that bitch down with ammonia, scrubbed the dumpster gravy and dried cum stains off it, plopped a fresh-out-of-the-package new wig on its head and sprayed it down with glitter-infused Febreze. Rocky Horror is an old dirty whore that didn’t need cleaning up, but that’s what Fox did. And the new trailer confirms it. They even added an audience…. It’s just a jump to the left and a step to the right to cry in the corner over what Fox did!

I get it. It’s primetime TV. Fox is in the business of making that money and they want to deliver a Rocky Horror the whole family can enjoy! I know Fox thought about the children, but did they think about us, the growns who love that beautiful piece of trash of a movie? What’s more damaging? A child seeing a broke down, messy Frank-N-Furter say, “A mental mind fuck can be nice.” Or a grown seeing a polished and clean Frank-N-Furter say, “A mental mind fudge can be nice.” Children can take the shock of hearing a shocking curse word, They’re young and their organs are new! We’re all old with raggedy organs. We can’t take the pain of seeing a sanitized Rocky Horror. THINK OF THE OLDS, FOX. THINK OF THE OLDS!

More than two and a half years ago, Justin Bieber – seen above looking about as tough and edgy as a Cool Crimp Kevin doll – got into some trouble with his neighbors The Schwartzes after his punk ass decided to egg their house. Justin eventually took a plea deal and was placed on probation for a year. He was also ordered to complete some community service, as well as paying Jeffrey and Suzanne Schwartz $20,000 in damages.

Justin was recently released from probation a month early after he shocked the people in charge of his community service by not being an insufferable brat the whole time. He also ended up paying his Jeffrey and Suzanne $80,000 for damages. I’m sure Bieber thought that paying more money and being a good little boy during probation would mean the end of his neighbor drama. Unfortunately for Bieber, it continues.

According to TMZ, Jeffrey and Suzanne Schwartz say that they’ve got major ongoing trauma from living next door to Justin Bieber. Jeff and Suzy allegedly spend their days and nights moaning like Bieber in a Tribeca spa; they suffer from headaches, stomachaches, and insomnia. And they say it’s all the result of Bieber’s bad behavior while he lived next door to them, especially the day he egged their house.

I’m sure there are lots of people who think Jeff and Suzy and trying to pull a get money scheme on Justin Bieber. Well, so does Justin Bieber. TMZ says he recently filed legal documents requesting The Schwartzes undergo a medical evaluation next month to determine if their alleged issues are the real kind or the shady kind. So far a judge hasn’t decided if they’ll approve Justin’s request.

Is a medical evaluation even necessary? Of course living next to Justin Bieber gave them a permanent headache! Frankly, I’m surprised their only complaints are headaches and insomnia. Or maybe their bodies are better at fighting off Bieber’s major asshole energy than mine is. Just looking at these picture of Justin Bieber’s smug face as he flips off the paps in New York earlier this week caused my blood pressure to spike.

Pics: Splash

I don’t think Idris Elba is too old to play James Bond. But I do think he’s too old to be showing up to a premiere dressed like an Ivy League frat boy going to a keg party in the Hamptons. A grown and mature movie star wears a tuxedo g-string to a premiere if he wants to be respected! (Shhh, just so with it.)

The noted clit tingler is currently on the Star Trek promo tour, but it should really be called the “Stop Asking Me About That Bond Shit 2016 Tour.” Because Idris’ ears have been humped with question after question about whether Daniel Craig is going to pass the torch martini to him or not. While talking to Michael Strahan on Good Morning America (via NYDN), the Bond shit was brought up again and Idris said that he’s got too many rings on his trunk (wink wink) to play Bond.

“It is the wildest rumor in the world. I keep saying if it were to happen it would be the will of a nation because there hasn’t been any talks between me and the studio about any of that. But everywhere I go people want that to happen. If I’m really honest man, I think I’m too old for that. Running around in cars, and ladies and martinis, who wants to do that? Sounds terrible.”

He must’ve been telling jokes. Idris is 45. Daniel Craig was 47 when Spectre came out and Pierce Brosnan was 49 when Die Another Day was released. When Roger Moore shot A View to a Kill, he should’ve sprinkled wheat germ in his martinis, because he was 58 when it came out. Idris is not too old. But if Idris wants to play Bond, he just fucked himself and not in a sexy way. The producers really aren’t going to hire him now. They’re going to assume that he’s on the bad shit again. I mean, who says that a man is “too old” for a role in a Hollywood movie? They don’t even know what those words mean in Hollywood. That’s crazy talk!

And here’s more of Idris bringing the sex (even in those sneakers) at the premiere of Star Trek Beyond in San Diego, CA yesterday. I also threw in pictures of Chris Pine fighting the hot with that goatee and Zachary Quinto looking like an extra in an Aqua video.

Pics: Wenn.com

It feels like the only thing anyone has wanted to talk about (or more accurately, stop talking about) this week has been the Snapchat war between Kimye and the human snake emoji Taylor Swift. So not surprisingly, 22-year-old Canadian tennis star Eugenie Bouchard was asked about it during a press conference on Tuesday.

TMZ says Eugenie spoke to reporters after she was eliminated at the Citi Open in Washington, D.C. Once reporters got all of the tennis questions out of the way, one of them asked her if she was Team Taylor or Team Kimye. Eugenie is a Canadian person, so I figured her answer to start with a “Pardon?” and end with a couple sorrys before trying to change the subject back to tennis. Instead Eugenie went in on Taylor.

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It’s been a little while since we’ve heard any kind of noise from the 20-car pile up crash that is Johnny Depp and Amber Heard’s divorce fight. For a while there, all we could hear were the sounds of his team screaming, “She’s a gold digging hussy liar skeezer!“, her side screaming, “He’s a drunk, cracked out junkie wife beater!”, and Pistol and Boo howling, “Stop the madness!” But then it got as quiet as an empty theater on the opening night of Mortdecai. And Johnny Depp’s team wants to keep it that way.

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It’s 2016, so the paps aren’t exactly camped out at Nicollette Sheridan’s front door. That’s truly shameful, since the current Queen of Hallmark movies deserves nothing less than round-the-clock attention. Nicollette leads a pretty private life. So private in fact that when she got married six months ago, nobody noticed. Again, shameful; the marriage of the star of A Christmas Spirit should be important.

The point is, Nicollette was married, but she doesn’t want to be married anymore. According to People, Nicollette filed for divorce from her husband of six months, Aaron Phypers, last week. Nicollette lists the date of separation as June 19, and blames “irreconcilable differences.” She has also asked the divorce court to reject Aaron’s request for spousal support in the event he ends up doing that.

Nicollette and Aaron started dating in December 2014 and got secret married a year later. This is Nicollette’s second divorce and Aaron’s…I’m not sure. That’s literally all that is known about the situation. Aaron Phypers is a mystery; according to his Twitter account, which only has three tweets and hasn’t been active in five years, he’s from Toronto. He’s also an aspiring actor who auditioned for 2011’s Conan the Barbarian. Forget Conan; Aaron should really send this tape to Mitch Hurwitz. If Arrested Development ever gets a fifth season, Aaron would be perfect to play Steve Holt’s buff older brother.

Aaron is hot in an HGTV way (I’m not the only one who sees a No Name Scott McGillivray, right?), he’s not a thirsty fame whore, he gives it 110% in auditions, and he shows up looking cute on the red carpet. Sorry, but what irreconcilable differences?

Here’s Nicollette, Aaron and her giant wedding ring at a Hallmark Channel event in January.

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com