Garry Marshall, the ball of sunshine who seemed to be one of the rare non-assholes in Hollywood, is now in heaven, making the angels laugh while giving them Werther’s Originals. (In my mind, Garry Marshall was the kind of pepaw who always had a pocketful of Werther’s.) Garry’s publicist tells Deadline that he died from complications of pneumonia following a stroke at a hospital in Burbank, CA today. Garry was 81. His family gave this statement to TMZ:

“He loved telling stories, making people laugh, and playing softball, winning numerous championships.  Even at age 81, he had a record this year of 6 – 1 pitching for his team.”

Garry’s IMDB is a treasure trove of YES. Your eyeballs have probably spent approximately 5,000 hours of your life watching something Garry was a part of. Garry started off as a joke writer for comedians and that led to him writing on The Tonight Show and The Dick Van Dyke Show, which led to him creating (or co-creating) and producing television jewels like The Odd Couple, Happy Days, Mork & Mindy and Laverne & Shirley, which as everyone knows co-starred his sister Penny Marshall.

In the early 80s, Garry started directing movies and his first big hit was The Flamingo Kid. Through the 80s, Garry gave us gifts like Overboard and Beaches, and in the 90s, he gave us Pretty Woman, Frankie and Johnny, The Other Sister, Runaway Bride and Exit to Eden. In the 00s, Garry directed The Princess Diaries 1 & 2, Raising Helen, Georgia Rule and all those holiday movies.

Since Garry did it all, he also acted in a bunch of TV shows and movies like Soapdish, A League Of Their Own, Murphy Brown and Never Been Kissed.

There are a million Garry Marshall-made clips to choose from to end this post with, but I’m going to go with one of the best scenes from the 1987 masterpiece Overboard featuring the iconic Tofutti Klein!

Rest in peace, Garry.

Pic: Wenn.com

Idris Elba is out pimping his role in the new Star Trek movie, but every reporter keeps asking him about Bond even though he says nothing is going on with Bond. Hollywood has really only done one thing right (Showgirls), so I doubt Idris will be cast as Bond. But if he wants it, he needs to lay low and not do anything drastic like, I don’t know, get into a PR relationship with a nerve-killing pop star – Lainey Gossip

Calum Best, the douche who is best known in the US for humping on Lindsay Lohan, wants you to think he has a “brand,” and no that brand isn’t Valtrex – Reality Tea 

Here’s Gigi Hadid grabbing her tit while in elegant Moe Howard drag because *~fashion~* – Drunken Stepfather

John Cho wasn’t totally sold on “Gay Sulu” at first – Celebitchy

Your reminder that gold digging champion Jerry Hall is still rubbing on billionaire villain Rupert Murdoch and his frowning blobfish torso – The Superficial 

These pictures of Joanna Krupa pumping gas should be labeled as certified organic because they are just so natural – The Nip Slip

Anti-Panty Creamer of the Day: Bradley Cooper’s tiny man bun – Popsugar

Take in the hotness of this topless dude working out with a pussy while you can, because it’s only a matter of time before that claws his face and pecs off – Towleroad

Matt Damon was lucky enough to have been touched by sass delivered by Jehovah’s Sexiest Witness – Jezebel

Amber Rose looks hot for just having cataract surgery – Hollywood Tuna 

I see that shameless basic Jessica Biel trying to steal Hilary Duff’s “walking to my car in front of the paps” gig – Popoholic

You can finally close your eyes and sleep well now, because Meghan Trainor has decided that she’s going to vote after all – Just Jared

So I guess this means that Melania Trump is going to be on Carpool Karaoke on Thursday – Pajiba

Tom Sizemore still exists and he is still a throbbing gooch pimple of rage – HuffPo

Lady Gaga yodeled for Mexican foster children – OMG Blog

This is what Limahl looks like now and yes, I still would – SOW

Pic: Getty

There are a few things that’ll make me click for my life and those few things are:

1. A celebrity peen pic.
2. A peen pic of anyone.
3. Porn.
4. A note from the IRS saying that I owe a shitload in back taxes and are about to get audited. (Yes, I still almost fall for IRS scams in 2016. I’m your grandma.)

So, when several of you sent me e-mails today with the subject, “Pics Of Zayn Giving A Beej,” I clicked so hard that my mouse is dead and buried now. I clicked that poor bitch to death. I clicked as though it was 1999 and the e-mail subject was, “Pics of JC Chasez giving a blowjob.”

The hashtag #GottaZayn is trending on Twitter and that’s because of a couple of grainy and blurry pictures of a dude who sort of looks like Zayn Malik sucking on a peen. Someone on Twitter passed the pics around and said it was Zayn. The dude in the pics has grey hair and a black beard, so he’s Zayn-esque. But the pictures are so damn blurry that if you told me it was an abuelito playing a recorder vertically, I’d probably believe your ass. Gossip Cop got down to the mystery of the dick sucking video, and a source (read: their own eyes) popped the fap dreams of teen girls who really wanted to see Zayn in a gay sex tape by confirming that it’s not him:

The tattoos on the person in the X-rated footage don’t match those of Zayn’s, and neither does the nose piercing. There happen to be some facial similarities between Malik and the subject of the video, but it’s 100 percent not him.

If you want to see the video where the pics came from, (Not Safe For Prude Workplaces) click here. Zayn comes off like he has the energy of a wet pillow, and the dude in the video really gets into it, so that’s a dead giveaway right there.

So, that’s that. Zayn’s gay sex tape did not leak today. But well, Not-Zayn has probably already gotten a few offers to star in another One Direction gay porn parody called One Erection. I say “another,” because one already exists. Of course.

Pic: Instagram

Yesterday, Leslie Jones reminded us that the internet is full of trolls by retweeting a ton of racist garbage that was thrown her way. Just like Leslie, I also didn’t understand why the trolls were getting a throbbing hate erection from tweeting racist shit at Leslie. Were they all part-time magicians who were super pissed off that Ghostbusters beat Now You See Me 2 at the box office last weekend? Or maybe they were just racist trolls who wanted to troll. Probably the second one.

Leslie eventually got sick of shoveling the racism and quit Twitter. Many came to her defense and got the hashtag #LoveForLeslieJ trending. Chrissy Teigen tweeted at Twitter and asked how long it was going to take for them to clean up the trolls. If Taylor Swift can get Instagram to delete all the snake emojis from her comments, you’d think Twitter would move just as fast to shut down all of Leslie’s trolls. Well, according to Twitter, they’re working on it.

AP says that Twitter chief executive Jack Dorsey reached out to Leslie last night on Twitter. A Twitter spokesperson also released this statement.

This type of abusive behavior is not permitted on Twitter, and we’ve taken action on many of the accounts reported to us by both Leslie and others. We rely on people to report this type of behavior to us but we are continuing to invest heavily in improving our tools and enforcement systems to prevent this kind of abuse. We realize we still have a lot of work in front of us before Twitter is where it should be on how we handle these issues.

If only there was a way Twitter could send a copy of a troll’s racist tweets to their mom. I’m pretty sure that getting an angry call from their mother asking “Is this what you do all night in the basement?? Send rude, racist messages to famous people?? Get your ass up here RIGHT NOW” would scare a lot of trolls straight.

Pic: Splash

I almost called this squirrel kitten a “squirrtten,” but this is a family post, which is why I also won’t make a “squirrel rubbing on pussy” joke.

After posting about horrific crap like Bill Cosby, Roger Ailes and the Kartrashians, we need a Hazmat-grade palate cleanser, and since a video of Idris Elba playing patty cake with a puppy friend doesn’t exist yet, we have to settle for the next best thing: this viral video of an imposter trying to be slick by passing itself off as a kitten.

Bethe Gettle of Pine Grove, PA brought another “squirrel who thinks it’s cat” story into our lives by sending a special video to her local news station WGAL. Bethe says that for the past week, a squirrel has been cuddling up to a litter of kittens in her friend’s backyard. This squirrel’s kitten disguise sucks (like bitch didn’t even try), but at least it has the act down. It is relaxing just like a kitten, while thinking to itself, “I’ve got these dumbasses fooled.”

Bethe added this note on FB:

“Giving everyone a positive story from backyard USA was exactly the goal when I shared this video. Yes typically speaking, a squirrel would usually be dinner for the cat. In this rare case, the squirrel isn’t dinner.”

Why did Bethe have to put that dark-sided thought into my brain? My brain was almost cleansed after watching that bit of love, and now I’m picturing the mom cat eating the squirrel and mouth feeding her leftovers to her pussy chirrun. No, no, that’s not going to happen. That squirrel will be raised a cat and will be adopted by a loving family who will pimp it out on Instagram and force it to star in a shitty Lifetime Christmas movie. In other words, that squitten is going to have a real happy ending!

via NYDN

Not long after former Fox & Friends co-host Gretchen Carlson filed a sexual harassment lawsuit against the now-former Fox News chairman Roger Ailes earlier this month, people started to filter into two groups. There was the group of women who came forward with their own sexual harassment allegations against ol’ raw hamburger crotch. And there was the group that included current Fox News employees – like Greta Van Susteren and Elisabeth Hasselbeck – who were positively shocked that anyone would ever accuse Roger Ailes of doing such grossness.

Around that time, I couldn’t help but wonder what group Fox News’ Megyn Kelly might join. According to New York magazine, Megyn has a side, and it’s not Team Roger. New York says that two sources, who were briefed on 21st Century Fox’s probe of Roger Ailes (“Huh – usually I’m the one doing the probing” thought Roger), claim that Megyn Kelly has recently told investigators about her experience with him. Not shockingly, she accuses him of sexual harassment.

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