Shia LaBeouf And Mia Goth Got Married By Elvis In Las Vegas And It Was Livestreamed On TMZ
Las Vegas has long been known as the HIGH ART capital of the world, so it’s not a surprise that Summer’s Eve’s favorite artist Shia LaBeouf (sorry, James Franco) would choose it as the place to perform his latest art piece that I’d like to call “This Is Not Going To End Well.” Shia and his on-and-off-again brow-less piece Mia Goth got married by an Elvis impersonator in a ceremony that was livestreamed on TMZ. If Pimp Mama Kris had a heart, it would break by the heavy weight of betrayal from Harvey Levin letting someone other than a Kartrashian be the first fame whore to get married live on TMZ.
Open Post: Hosted By Justin Bieber’s Topless And Wet-Looking Wax Figure
It’s Canadian Thanksgiving today, so I’ve been on my own, because my weekday partner in foolery Allison is busy feasting on maple leaves-stuffed roasted moose before she goes to her nearest Church of Latter-day Skanks to give thanks to a statue of Canada’s pride and joy Justin Bieber!
Madame Tussaud’s in London started celebrating Canadian Thanksgiving early on Saturday when they debuted their latest wax figure of Canada’s most embarrassing herpes outbreak. Madame Tussaud’s dressed their newest Biebs wax figure up like an early-aughts Kevin Federline and gave him a constipated facial expression that’s a cross between “Uncle Usher, you said just the tip!” and the face you make whenever you watch one of his performances.
Madame Tussaud’s also decided to give their waxed Biebs the wet look. That’s actually a smart business decision on Madame Tussaud’s part. They probably had to hire several new janitors to constantly clean their old Justin Bieber wax figure because crazed Beliebers kept covering it with a trail of coochie slobber by rubbing their down-low parts against it. And now that he’s supposed to look wet, they don’t have to worry about cleaning the sticky twat drool off of it. Very well played, Madame Tussaud’s!
Pics: Wenn.com
Damage Control Alert: Ryan Lochte Got Engaged
Yesterday, Ryan Lochte’s Damage Control Tour made a stop in Malibu, CA where he proposed to a Playboy model whose name he probably always forgets. Because while in Rio for the Olympics, Ryan denied having a girlfriend and wanted everyone to think that his dick was free to dive into poon after poon. But when you really want to take your image from “party douche liar” to “wholesome family man,” you do desperate shit, like get engaged to a Tinder trick you’ve known for less than a year.
Donald Trump’s Campaign Claims That Melania Trump Didn’t Mean To Troll Last Night, Uh Huh….
When Bill Clinton shook Melania Trump’s hand before the second presidential debate last night, he probably wondered why he was suddenly hit with a major urge to fuck her blouse bow with a cigar, and now he knows why. Melania’s hot pink blouse cost $1,100, it was made by Gucci and it’s called the “Pussy-bow” shirt. Most of the time, I hate this election, but it’s beautiful moments like this that make me love it for one quick second.
NBC Suspended Billy Bush And His “Today” Co-Workers Don’t Care
The Today show is a little less smug this morning, because annoying ventriloquist’s dummy Billy Bush isn’t on and won’t be on indefinitely. Because of that recording from 2005 of Billy Bush laughing as Donald Trump bragged about grabbing pussy without permission, NBC announced yesterday that they have suspended him from Today as they investigate. Please, that’s just PR talk for: “We’ve sent Billy Bush on a paid vacation until that tape of Trump saying the N-word comes out and that pussy grabbing disaster is nothing but a distant memory.”
After All That, Daniel Craig Is Probably Going To Play James Bond Again
But before we get to that James Bond shit, let’s thank Daniel Craig for saving us from making an “Errr, bitch, what did you do?” face about that bleach job by making that face in the picture above. That Billy Idol shade makes him look like Jean Paul Gaultier on steroids, and yes, I still would.
Daniel Craig once melodramatically said in an interview that he’d rather slash his wrists than play James Bond again. But I guess Sony reportedly throwing $150 million at him has caused him to push away the razor. Because at the New York Film Festival on Friday night, Vulture said that Daniel backpedaled on his “I’d rather bleed out to death than get paid zillions of dollars to play Bond” comments.