Remember how Prince Andrew has repeatedly tried to brush off his friendship with the late Jeffrey Epstein, by claiming they weren’t even barely friends, and he only stayed at Jeffrey’s place in New York a handful of times? Yeah, I hope he’s got another one of those rock-solid creative excuses in his pocket, because he, among several other high-profile types, were just named in court, under oath, as being passengers on Jeffrey Epstein’s private jet.
Former President Bill Clinton is currently in the hospital in the intensive care unit, which is never good, and he’s got an infection. But before you start wondering who Bill has been getting within six feet of and sharing airborne droplets with, or if he’s one of those oldies who can’t seem to ever get his mask over his nose, his doctors would like everyone to know that he definitely isn’t sick with COVID-19.
Last Thursday HBO Max subscribers received an empty email with the subject: “Integration Test Email”, and a single-sentence message that read, “This template is used by integration tests only.” Huh? Soon the HBO Max Help account tweeted out an apology, explaining that an intern had done a whoopsies. Obviously, Twitter had a chuckle, and soon “Dear Intern” was trending; people shared their own intern fuck ups from back in their day and gave advice to the poor HBO Max intern (and all current interns, really). It was kinda sweet.
But who’s the most famous former intern of all time? THEE Monica Lewinsky. She tweeted, “dear intern: it gets better. <3 ps. don’t wear a beret for awhile, k?” Rather than be amused by the tweet or press the ‘like’ button, or, I dunno, ignore it, a bunch of people accused Monica of dredging up the past, roping Hillary Clinton into the conversation, and making herself out to be the victim. Really, Twitter?
Back in 2016, long before Satan’s favorite tongue-scraper Ghislaine Maxwell spent her days in jail going full Cinderella after midnight, sweeping the showers with a raggedy broom and considering replacing its crispy lengths of straw with sad clumps of her own runaway hair; she sat down for a meeting with Emmy-winning, former CBS producer, Ira Rosen. Ira’s new book, Ticking Clock: Behind the Scenes at 60 Minutes, was released this past week and shares the details of their pre-election meetup, during which he tricked Ghislaine into revealing the existence of secret tapes of both Bill Clinton and Donald Trump, recorded by her partner in slime and alleged sex trafficking ringleader, the late Jeffrey Epstein.
Just a couple of days after a judge finally spit at Ghislaine Maxwell’s repeated moves to keep a 2016 testimony of hers from public eyes, it has been released, which means that several journalists have propped their eyelids up with toothpicks to not miss a thing as they go over every smegma-wrapped lie that leaped off of her demon tongue. So far, it seems like Ghislaine dodged questions as though the questions were an of-age woman and she was Jeffrey Epstein. It also looks like the hardest working trick, besides the geyser hole of lies that Ghislaine calls a mouth, is the black bar. The names of several of Epstein’s powerful friends are blacked out. The devil works hard, but the lawyers of the elite work harder to keep their clients’ names out of Ghislaine’s mouth, on paper anyway.
Last night, dozens of documents in Virginia Roberts Giuffre’s 2015 defamation case against Ghislaine Maxwell were unsealed and dumped as expected. This document dump (I hate myself for typing that) is different than the one that may happen on Monday if Ghislaine’s lawyers fail to successfully appeal the judge’s decision to unseal those documents. This latest unsealing of documents shows that Ghislaine emailed with Jeffrey Epstein as recent as 2015 and that she allegedly sexually abused dozens of girls. In the documents, Virginia also named the names of those she was trafficked to including Prince Andrew, of course, and Alan Dershowitz. Why do I have a feeling that the wikiHow page on “how to safely remove your eyeballs and cleanse them in bleach” is about to get many, many, many hits?