Okay, well, the second big question of the night since the first was, “How much pandering can the Hollywood Foreign Press Association do to pull themselves out of the disastrous hole they dug for themselves?” The show’s host, comedian Jerrod Carmichael, addressed that shit in his opening monologue by bluntly saying, “I’m here because I’m Black.” That got big laughs. But later in the night, Jerrod brought out the three Golden Globes that Tom Cruise returned to sender because the Jesus of Scientology is way too good to be associated with such a shady and diabolical organization. Jerrod then dropped a “Where is Shelly?” joke, and some laughed and clapped, but others groaned or stayed uncomfortably quiet. The audience obviously got the memo that it’s now okay to laugh at what a mess the HFPA is, but there was no memo that it’s okay to laugh at Scientology disses. Stick to one cause, Jerrod!
Long gone are the days when former stripper Ginuwine enticed all the ladies for an endorphin-releasing ride on his magical pony (more like magical horse). But perhaps it’s time he leaves the magic to the real professionals, especially after he almost danced his way on up to see Jesus during a stunt with magician Criss Angel. The pinnacle of quality television, The CW, is about to release a new series titled Magic With The Stars, which features fame-hungry celebrities who will train with Criss to perform death-defying stunts during a magic act. But unfortunately for Ginuwine, he risked it all to potentially become the next RIP hashtag when a stunt that was supposed to help him get over his fear of being underwater ensured he will never get into a pool or take a bath again.
We live in an era of constant reboots and remakes because Hollywood finally figured out that releasing the same story repeatedly generates revenue. And Jamie Lee Curtis has decided to take a hiatus from roasting big-headed celebrities to pitch an update for her 2003 hit comedy Freaky Friday. Jamie Lee revealed during an interview with The View that she has been in talks with Disney about a sequel, and once Lindsay Lohan heard the ding from the cash register inside her head, she immediately let everyone know she’s ready to switch bodies from Broke Broad into Rich Bitch!
Even after all this time Mike Tyson is still one scary dude, I would never want to encounter in or outside the ring. We can talk as much shit as we want about his light voice but the fact of the matter is that Mike Tyson can, and will, still knock you the fuck out. Now, with that said, Mike still enjoys a little light footwork for a check every now and then, as he exhibited last year when he ran Roy Jones Jr around the ring like a Pomeranian at a dog show. So in the spirit of keeping the real-life Celebrity Deathmatch action going, Mike has admitted that he would GLADLY fight entitled douchebag Logan Paul because it would bring in $100 million.
Late last year, we saw the final Star Wars film in the third official Star Wars trilogy, which I know is as confusing as trying to decipher what R2-D2 is saying, so I’m very sorry about that. Basically, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker pretty much wrapped up all the stories created by George Lucas’ Star Wars prequels and sequels. It’s done! We know what happened to Luke and Leia and Chewy and all those crazy puppets – they lived happily ever after (or…dead, depending on the character). For example, here’s what happened to Oscar Isaac’s Poe Dameron. He ended the trilogy looking hot and serious and (sadly) not getting space-married to Finn. Poe’s story is done, and so is Oscar’s time with Star Wars. Well, at least for the time being. There is one thing that could pull him back into the galaxy far, far away, and it’s money.
If you had asked me to predict which person connected to the Fyre Festival would not only appear in a commercial, but that the commercial would eventually go viral on the internet, I would have played it safe and put all my money on the most obvious choice: Andy King shilling for Evian. Lo and behold, it’s Ja Rule showing his love for a local Los Angeles gyro restaurant in a low-budget commercial.