I don’t know if heaven has a general manager. But if there is, that person should probably consider moving on to heaven’s accounting department, because prolific authority figure Rip Torn, who passed away yesterday, is now clearly the best person for the job. He’s practically done it once already.
Loathe as I am to put a single solitary dime in the pockets of Whitney Houston’s family or estate given their plans to pimp Nippy out from beyond the grave, I’d be lying if I told you that mere moments ago I wasn’t getting my entire life listening to the just released recording of Whitney singing a cover of Steve Winwood’s 1986 hit Higher Love. In fact, I’m planning my entire summer around it.
As expected, the sad news about Dog the Bounty Hunter’s wife Beth Chapman just got sadder. Beth has died at the age of 51 after being placed in a medically-induced coma earlier this week.
John Singleton‘s death has been a whirlwind of tragedy and drama. Ever since the news broke that he was in the hospital for a stroke, the darkness just kept on rolling. After being put in a coma, he sadly passed away and people everywhere started to stand up and walk around more on flights after hearing that a 6-hour flight from Costa Rica to Los Angeles may have triggered his stroke. The world is a dangerous place… and it’s even more dangerous when you realize you can’t even trust your friends. John’s family was fighting over money before he died and continued afterwards, and a private investigator was called in to look into the death–which might not have been just a tragic fluke from a bad flight after all. And now, because the drama is never over, John’s daughter, Justice Singleton is trying to get a restraining order from one of his longtime friend’s, Avance Smith.
Cat lovers are having a tough month with the passing of Grumpy Cat and now with the sudden death of Leo. In case you didn’t know (and how dare you,) Leo the cat was the up and coming star of the new Pet Sematary movie. Yikes.These untimely cat deaths are concerning. Garfield (who is definitely real and living) better stay the fuck away from Odie this month cause things are getting weird in the cat celebrity business.
In the near future, malls and strip malls will only be filled with Starbuckseseseseses (yes, that’s plural for Starbucks), money laundering places fronting as cell phone case stores, and Bath & Body Workseseseseses (again, that’s plural for Bath & Body Works). We already lost the reasonably priced emporium of elegance ensembles that was Charlotte Russe, and now we’re losing Dressbarn, which if you’re not familiar with, sells dresses to humans and doesn’t sell dresses to horses, pigs, cows, and chickens. Although, now I really want to go to a store that sells dresses to chickens.