While most villainous suspects accused of sexual assault in front of several witnesses while mic’d up as a camera crew stood by would STFU and S(it)TFD(own), Brandi Glanville isn’t your normal villainous suspect. As we know, perma-mess Brandi was booted from filming Season 4 of Peacock’s Real Housewives Ultimate Girls Trip in Morocco earlier this year for allegedly drunkenly groping and ramming her tongue down the throat of Caroline Manzo, formerly of The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Brandi (who wrote a book about her chaotic tweeting called Drinking and Tweeting years back) just chaotically tweeted about the incident, saying she was punished for being herself, the whole thing was a setup, and Caroline is “fine.”

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After running his antisemitic mouth and fangirling for Nazis a few months back, Kanye West was staying relatively quiet for a while…too quiet. So obviously, when it was time for him to break his silence (not that anyone wanted him to), he, of course, had to do it in the most Kanye way possible by letting us know he got the hate out of his heart… after watching Jonah Hill in 21 Jump Street? That’s like if Greta Thunberg binged Keeping Up With The Kardashians and was like, “I like plastic again.” You know what they say, “art inspires.” Jonah practically ran from the pap when he was asked by TMZ what he thought of Kanye’s remarks and drove outta there as fast as he could without saying a word. And when his bud Seth Rogen was asked to share his thoughts on the whole thing, he could barely form a sentence while dying laughing at the mere mention of it all.

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The people of Park City, Utah, better triple mask up unless they want to choke on the massive amounts of snooty smug wafting off Gwyneth Paltrow today. Because Goopy was victorious in her hit-and-run ski accident case. 50-year-old Gwyneth may not have destroyed 76-year-old retired optometrist Dr. Terry Sanderson on the slopes, but she destroyed him in court. The jury ruled that Terry was 100% at fault for the crash. Terry was originally suing Gwyneth for $3.1 million in damages, but that case was dismissed. So he re-filed, asking for $300,000 in damages instead. Gwyneth countersued for $1 in damages plus attorney fees, and that’s what the jury awarded her in court. Goopy’s traveling team of butlers better pull out her best bottle of sparkling bone broth because she’s partying tonight! I bet she’ll even have two glasses. Go wild, Goopy!

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Last year, Nick Cannon claimed that he spends a lot more than $3 million a year to care for his evergrowing child army, and he didn’t mean he spends that much on child support. Nick doesn’t do child support, thankyouverymuch. He recently said that he doesn’t give any kind of “monthly allowance” or a “set amount of money” to the mother of his ten million children. Instead, he says that they have to tell him what they need, and he’ll give it to them, saying, “There’s never been something that one of the mothers of my children has asked for and they didn’t receive.” That sounds about as messy as Nick is, but I’m also throwing a side-eye at him for saying that the mother of his children pretty much get what they ask for. I mean, if one of them submitted a request for birth control, he’d take a break from making another baby to furiously stamp DENIED on that shit – People

I see that Chris Pine has been raiding Sonny Crockett’s closet – Lainey Gossip

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As a grand jury voted to indict Donald Trump today, his GOP nemesis, Florida governor Ron De Santis is still fighting Mickey Mouse. Last month, Ron De Santis held a big press conference to rub his decision to penalize Disney for mildly opposing his so-called “Don’t Say Gay” bill right in the nose of their gayest character, Mr. Busy the Beaver from Lady and The Tramp. But if it seemed like Disney was being awfully blase about Ron stripping them of power over the Reedy Creek Improvement District, which they’d had almost complete jurisdiction over for 50-plus years, there was a very good reason for it. According to The Guardian, Disney had an ace up their sleeve the whole time. In the days leading up to Ron’s preening announcement that there was “a new sheriff in town,” Disney and the existing Reedy Creek Governing board had quietly added a clause in their agreement that called upon a higher power; King Charles III, AKA Him? Royal Highness Charles the third, by the Grace of God of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland and of His other Realms and Territories King, Head of the Commonwealth, Defender of the Faith, AKA Chucky Trips.

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