Zac Efron managed to get over his shirt allergy long enough to attend a Los Angeles Kings hockey game a couple of weeks ago. Zac posted a selfie on himself wearing a denim jacket AND a polo shirt. He also had a Kings ball cap on, partially covering his face. According to E! News, he may have purposefully been trying to keep a low profile (as far as posting selfies on Instagram will allow) because he might have been in the company of a new lady friend. You see, the same day Zac posted his game day selfie, 23-year-old Danish Olympic swimmer Sarah Bro (she swam the 4×100 meter relay in the 2016 Olympics for Denmark, but lives in L.A. now) also posted a picture from that game. Who needs a publicist when you can drop the breadcrumbs yourself on the internet for free!
Thanks to things like Dateline and the My Favorite Murder podcast, we’ve known America is here for true-crime stories and serial killers to scare the living daylights out of us when we’re on a stroll and needing to pass time before the dog poops. The true-crime nightmare-inducer du jour is Netflix’s Conversations With A Killer: The Ted Bundy Tapes. It’s a docuseries about Ted, a serial killer who confessed to 30 murders (and the actual number is likely higher); alas, this is America, and we can’t have nice things. People who have watched the docuseries are zeroing in on how “hot” Ted is, and Netflix would like them to cut it out. Continue reading
Zac Efron unveiled a new look (monochromatic aging twink trying to serve you butch) while promoting Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil And Vile at Sundance. It’s about the White House, I kid, it’s about Ted Bundy. Yes, famously brutal murderers are coming into vogue in the late 2010s. Watch for Justin Bieber as the Zodiac Killer in 2020.
.@zacefron & @lilycollins premiered “Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile” at #Sundance2019! See all the festival pics: https://t.co/N269bUuWbl#SundanceFilmFestival2019 pic.twitter.com/MI0s72afSa
— ExtraTV (@extratv) January 27, 2019
Zac looks like he’s about to play Rylan Clark in a basic cable biopic, and that white blond/black beard combo is some premeditated gay baiting. But to me, Zac’s new look is making me think of delicious half-moon cookies. The ones that are only good if you get them from a really old bakery because their versions are gigantic and SO doughy and the chocolate and vanilla barely taste like their flavors. Oddly scrumptious.
Mel B’s book Brutally Honest is coming out soon, and she and the publishers are selling it like a Mary Kay saleswoman circa 1987 who is just 50 Magic Masques away from getting that pink Cadillac. They’re releasing excerpts from her book that are a mixture of disturbing and ESCANDALOSO like how she snorted six lines of coke a day during The X Factor and was left traumatized after having to watch the dozens of illegal sex tapes her smegma bubble of an ex-husband made without her consent. But the story that made me stop, drop, and roll was the one about how Mel B supposedly met up with two famous dudes after meeting them on a secret hookup website where single famous men allegedly post dick pics.
So Scary Spice is telling me that somewhere on the internet exists a place where there’s picture after picture of a hard dick of a celebrity and the celebrity posts it himself? Does the site’s intro page look like this?
Mel B has been accused by her ex of being an alcoholic and a sex addict. She’s denied both claims and says instead, that she suffers from PTSD and has, in the past, used sex and alcohol as a means of self medicating. Now The Daily Mail is adding a little context to the sex addiction claims by reporting that Mel B once self medicated using Zac Efron’s body. Far be it for me to encourage or condone addictive behavior but I just gotta say, atta girl!
Above is Zac Efron looking like Zac Efron (aka a boring piece of pretty-faced cardboard that’s been injected with gallons of HGH).
And below is Zac Efron looking like South Florida’s least popular George Michael impersonator whose main job was being an Insane Clown Posse roadie before he got fired for selling bootleg bath salts to the Juggalos. In other words: Zac Efron has never achieved this kind of Panty Creaming status before. If his Sun-In-damaged pompadour doesn’t make your fuck parts scream aoooga, then his zen garden beard (or lines of coke beard, depending how you look at it) and look-for-less Jared Leto outfit will. Zac looks like the kind of dude who regularly answers Tampa area Craigslist Casual Encounters ads from old men looking to suck straight dick in exchange for a 4-count of Monster Energy Drink.
— Angie (@nyefrongirls) February 10, 2018
And of course Zac looks like that for a Harmony Korine movie. That’s what it looks like when you get Korine’d (ask James Franco). IMDB says that The Beach Bum is about a stoner named Moondog (played by Matthew McConaughey) who lives by his own rules and goes on some kind of journey or whatever. It also stars Isla Fisher and Snoop Dogg. Zac plays some mess named Flicker, and I’m going to guess that Flicker is a Vanilla Ice cover rapper named Nilla Wafer Sludge. Get him the Oscar (or Razzie) now!