The Doomsday Clock (Big Ben, I assume) for the British Royal Family has been set to toll at the strike of midnight on January 10, 2023. For that is the day when Prince Harry’s memoir, confidently titled Spare, will be unleashed on the world and the secrets buried within those hallowed pages will spew forth and wreak havoc on Harry’s dad, King Charles III et al. melting their faces clean off their skulls like that poor unfortunate souls who dared look at the contents of the Ark of the Covenant in Raiders of the Lost Ark. Cause you know Chuckie Trips and his rag-tag crew of minimally employed relations are gonna peek. They won’t be able to help themselves!
The Upcoming Book About Meghan Markle And Prince Harry’s “Revenge” Claims Duchess Camilla Is The One Who Initiated “That Conversation” About Baby Archie
The author of the EXPLOSIVE tell-
all some-carefully-selected-click-baity-headlines book, Revenge: Meghan, Harry and the War Between the Windsors, thinks he’s cracked the scandal of the century wide open by revealing that Duchess Camilla is the an allegedly racist member of the Royal Family who expressed concerns that Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s then unborn son Archie might not be able to pass a paper bag test. More specifically, the author, Tom Bower, reports that Camilla asked Harry “Wouldn’t it be funny if your child had ginger Afro hair?” and that Harry initially laughed but that “subsequently, Meghan’s reaction to that conversation turned Harry’s amusement into fury.”
According to People, Meghan Markle and Prince Harry, personal photographers in tow, recently volunteered at Homeboy Industries, “a community social justice organization working to improve the lives of formerly incarcerated and previously gang-involved people in L.A.” where they helped prepare “meals to food-insecure seniors and youth across L.A. amid the COVID-19 pandemic,” and where Harry hugged a crying lady. People also reports that they’ve both signed with the top-flight Harry Walker Agency which specializes in speaking engagements. Sounds like Meghan and Harry have finally cleared all the obstacles in their path that were preventing them from fulfilling their destiny as angels in America.
Last week, Tatler magazine published a cover story on Duchess Kate, calling her “Catherine the Great” and heavily suggesting that she’s carrying the whole damn Royal Family on her back. Tatler claimed Kate has been working tirelessly around the clock since Meghan Markle stepped down as a senior royal in January. Kensington Palace, home to Kate and Prince William, fired back, saying that Tatler’s piece contained many “inaccuracies and false misrepresentations,” which seemed to imply they didn’t like the anti-Meghan angle that Tatler seemed to lean into. They also claimed they weren’t warned of the material in the piece beforehand.
Tatler responded by saying that Kensington Palace was very well aware of the piece before it went to press and basically called them liars. And now, according to The Daily Mail, William and Kate have threatened Tatler with a lawsuit.
Meghan Markle And Prince Harry May Have Decided To Work With “Friendly” Journalists For Their Biography
When this pandemic has finally passed, it’s over for you bitches—ie: bitches who are already sick to death of hearing about Meghan Markle and Prince Harry’s every bowel movement. According to The Daily Mail, Meghan and Harry have agreed to work with journalists for an authorized biography, causing many salty tears from the tabloids the couple put on their no-no naughty list, specifically The Daily Mail themselves, and Dan Wootton of The Sun. DM says Meghan’s “woke” “mouthpiece”, Omid Scobey, who is the Royal Editor for Harper’s Bazaar, and “Sussex-friendly” journalist Carolyn Durand, who covers The Royals for Elle, will likely be given the job of explaining why you should care. Sorry about it tabloids, you should have been nicer when you had the chance!
Additionally, People reports that Harry’s first post-Sussexodus project has been officially launched. If you thought Archwell was the most ridiculous name for a charitable endeavor they could have possibly come up with, then you need to get your HeadFIT. This one is worse.
Prince Hot Ginge And Meghan Markle Let Donald Trump Know That They’re Paying For Their Own Security, And They Also Said Goodbye To Their Sussex Royal Instagram Page
During this time of corona, Prince Hot Ginge and Meghan Markle decided to scoop up 10-month-old Master Archie, get on a plane, and flee Canada for a compound in Los Angeles. They probably made that decision after finding out the devastating news that their rental home on Vancouver Island was way out of the delivery area of Craig’s (THE HORROR!). Before they left Canada, the country let us all know that the armed moose who were assigned to protect PHG and Meghan would no longer be available after March 31 and those two would have to get their own security. And now that they’re out of Canada and living in California, Jabba the Trump tweeted that the U.S. will not open its purse to pay for their security. To which PHG and Meghan responded by basically saying, “Bitch, we weren’t even going to ask!”