Category: Prince Andrew
Prince Andrew Had To Skip The Garter Day Ceremony Because His Family Wouldn’t Let Him Attend
Unfortunately, Prince Andrew’s recent positive COVID-19 test result that caused him to miss THE QUEEN’s Jubilee Thanksgiving service did not result in a case of long covid. SkyNews reports that Andrew was well enough and eager to attend today’s Garter Day ceremony but was shut down by a “family decision” that he needs to keep his ass indoors. I know that’s right! The Queen didn’t make it through her entire Jubilee in one piece only to get taken out by a flying cabbage that had been lobbed at Andrew’s silly hat.
Prince Louis Stole The Show At THE QUEEN’s Jubilee Edition Of Trooping The Colour
Since THE QUEEN decided that guests wishing to join her on the balcony for the Platinum Jubilee edition of Trooping the Colour needed to show two forms of ID and a pay-stub from The Firm, as expected, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle were absent, and according to People, watched the festivities from The Major General’s Office where they “could be seen playfully entertaining various young royals” whose wrist muscles aren’t yet sufficiently developed to endure the rigors of sustained royal waving. However that was not a problem for the littlest royal Prince Louis whose enthusiastic wrist-flopping and face-pulling absolutely stole the show. The Royal Family hasn’t produced a ham this big since The Queen offered Peppa Pig a Damehood.
Prince Andrew Might Be Trying To Butter Up Queen Elizabeth Before Her Platinum Jubilee
If I were Prince Andrew, I might simply choose to disappear into an unused palace drawing room for the remainder of my days, emerging only for a cup of tea and a medium take-out slide from Pizza Express. The disgrace of a very public sexual abuse lawsuit that was reportedly settled using someone else’s money would likely be just too embarrassing for the average person to ever show their face in public again. But Prince Andrew isn’t average, he’s the Duke of Delusion and he reportedly believes he can waltz back into public life with the confidence of a man who just erased everyone’s long-term memories. But his secret weapon isn’t one of those brain wiping pens from Men in Black, but some major face time with his mother, Queen Elizabeth.
THE QUEEN Made A Surprise Appearance At The Royal Windsor Horse Show
After pawning off The Queen’s Speech on her eldest son and future King Prince Charles earlier this week, THE QUEEN managed to rally and get herself all dolled up to make a surprise appearance at the Royal Windsor Horse Show where she spent time chopping it up with her fans/subjects from the comfort of her Range Rover before heading to the stands to sit in a red fancy velvet chair to watch as three of her personal ponies competed. We’ve been told The Queen suffers from mobility issues and is in poor health, but I’m beginning to suspect there’s nothing wrong with her that a slug of gin and a nice cuppa can’t fix, she’s just over the bullshit. Take a look at what she’s been able to rally for and what she’s relegated to the youngins. The Queen is 96 years old, her husband is gone, her children and grandchildren are a disappointment and the colonies are threatening to revolt. Who can blame Liz for wanting to nope out on the pomp and circumstance when there are biscuits, ponies, and the adoration of appropriately posh people to enjoy!
Prince Andrew Has Lost Another Title But THE QUEEN Reportedly Wants Him To Make A Comeback For Her Jubilee
THE QUEEN’s favorite son, Prince Andrew, has been honored with many titles over the years, in addition to the one he was born with, which is Andrew Albert Christian Edward, Duke of First Names. In 1987, on the day he wed Sarah Ferguson, aka Fergie, First Of Her Name, THE QUEEN officially gave him the title of His Royal Highness Prince Andrew, Duke of York. From there he just kept racking up the honorifics, and in addition to several military and honorary titles, Andrew’s been distinguished as Randy Andy, HBH: His Buffoon Highness, Baby Grumpling, Air Miles Andy, The Cunt, and whatever it is his brother Prince Charles calls him behind his back.
THE QUEEN Is Taking Easter Off So Prince Charles And Duchess Camilla Are Stepping In
THE QUEEN’s activities have been under the microscope for the last few years. With her age, the loss of her husband, and the general messiness of the royal family (at this stage, there’s too many incidents to count), people have been wondering how she’s managing to keep it all together. Her secret? Skipping all the royal events! THE QUEEN has essentially said “Peace out, bitches” when it comes to public functions and her latest NON-appearance is at this year’s Royal Maundy Service. But guess who’ll be showing up? Prince Charles and Duchess Camilla! It’s like when you order a filet mignon and throw a sloppy joe in your face.