Last week, it was announced that Friends is leaving Netflix for HBO Max, and that subsequently created a real-life Friends episode called The One Where A Whole Lot Of People Sign Up For An HBO Max Account. But anyone who doesn’t want to beg a friend for their HBO Max password can still get their Friends fix, thanks to a collaboration with Pottery Barn inspired by Rachel’s love of the brand. That’s pretty much the definition of “We don’t need this,” but at least it’s not a Friends-inspired brand collaboration between Smucker’s jam and ground beef.
Fox5NY says that Eve Saint of Fishkill, New York is not amused. First of all, the Taco Bell resort sold out in two minutes, so she can’t even fucking stay the night–she had to get an Airbnb in Palm Springs, and that’s so expensive. Then, when she was just trying to enjoy some late night nachos, she found a doorknob in her meal. Call 911, this is a crime! The only thing people are allowed to crack their tooth on at Taco Bell is a stale tortilla chip!
It was a simple mistake, really. It could have happened to almost anyone. But it did happen to one Cassandra Walker, a Dairy Queen employee who was unjustly fired for creating that beautiful marijuana-themed birthday cake you see above. The thing is: it was supposed to be a Moana cake. Like the Disney movie about the Polynesian girl who saves the ocean? Easy mix-up.
First of all, pizza is life! Secondly, the crust is the prize you get after ingesting thousands of calories worth of cheese and grease. And lastly, anyone who doesn’t adhere to these rules needs to be jailed. So everyone please join me as we strap up and take a ride to Villa Italian Kitchen, a pizza chain based out of New Jersey. It’s time for us to rain down hell on these bastards who have decided that they’re going to sell just pizza crust and nothing else.
The Kansas City Star says that there is one less criminal, a real smooth criminal, on the streets, and he was done in by his own fart. Yes, a man who was running from the 5-0 and hid in the woods might have gotten away with it were it not for his own uncontrollable intestinal tract. Someone get this guy some bismuth subsalicylate, quick!
Open Post: Hosted By A Man And His Cat Named Spaghetti Who Both Wore Unusual Attire To Burgle A House
If you pull up to your house to find somebody has left a bottle of cider and a bunch of ceremonial knives on top of your car, the obvious conclusion is that there is probably a cat wearing a t-shirt in your crawl space. Like, I don’t know what else you’d expect, but somehow a Gresham, Oregon homeowner was actually surprised to find Spaghetti the cat (Never 4get the OG Spaghetti Cat) chilling in his crawl space, and Spaghetti’s owner, 38-year-old Ryan Douglas Bishop, also chilling in his crawl space while wearing his fiancé‘s “Christmas onesie”. I’m like, duh! Why else would there be a cat-shaped hole punched into the wall? But according to Fox 12, the homeowner was surprised nonetheless and called the police to report a burglary in progress which was totally unfair to Spaghetti. He wasn’t the one who ate just the bottom part of a cupcake out of the refrigerator! #FreeSpaghetti