Category: Animal Stories

Open Post: Hosted By Ralphie The Demon Dog’s Happy Ending

March 25, 2023 / Posted by:

When we last checked in with Ralphie the “demon dog” of Niagara, he had bullied his adopted home so much that the boy got put into reform school. Don’t let the adorable face fool you. Ralphie is a certified “whole jerk-not even half.” Well, he WAS a whole jerk. After spending time in the big house, Ralphie has cleaned up his act! Not only that, but he’s also found his forever home!

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Open Post: Hosted By The FAKE Jenny The Donkey Who Went To The Oscars

March 13, 2023 / Posted by:

Last night’s Oscars was pretty boring, but a few things stirred me from my weed drink-induced stupor: that “Naatu Naatu” song n’ dance number, and Jenny the Donkey, the real star of Banshees of Inisherin. To Colin Farrell’s delight, host Jimmy Kimmel brought Jenny out halfway into the show, joking that, in addition to being an actor, she was also an emotional support donkey⁠ — “Or at least that’s what we told the airline to get her on the plane from Ireland.” This disturbed me, because a wee little donkey like Jenny should never get on a plane, even for the Oscars. Also, as we reported yesterday, Jenny was supposed to be living a quiet life in the Irish midlands! So, what gives? A Vulture source cleared things up, revealing that, actually, the Jenny at the Oscars was “just a random donkey.” BAMBOOZLEMENT! Continue reading

Open Post: Hosted By Jenny The Donkey Enjoying Her Peaceful Life Away From The Oscars

March 12, 2023 / Posted by:

With all the talk of a bunch of Irish people getting recognition in this year’s Oscars, let’s not forget who the real star of Ireland actually is: Jenny the donkey! Jenny stole the show in the critically acclaimed The Banshees of Inisherin, which is up for nine Oscars tonight. She played Colin Farrell’s best friend in the film and won over everyone’s hearts. Now that Jenny is a bona fide STAH, has fame gone to this beast of burden’s head? Nope! Jenny is just enjoying the simple life in a secret location in the Irish midlands. If only other actors would take a page from Jenny’s book.

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Open Post: Hosted By Honey The Cat’s Expensive $5400 Wardrobe

March 4, 2023 / Posted by:

Some people are very proud of their wardrobes filled with the latest fashions and fads (don’t look at mine. It’s about as old and holey as the Vatican). I mean, there are whole TikTok and Instagram genres dedicated to showing off fast fashion hauls, and retro thrifting buys. But all those people pale in comparison to the fabulous Honey. While you sit there eating chips directly from the bag in your knockoff Zara pajamas, this cat’s wardrobe is filled with Louis Vuitton bags and Chanel accessories! We’ve all been out-fashioned by a cat.

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Open Post: Hosted By An Ohio Animal Shelter That Will Name A Litter Box After Your Ex For Valentine’s Day

February 5, 2023 / Posted by:

It’s almost Valentine’s Day. And you know what that means. For couples, forget about it until the actual day and then panic buy some limp flowers or cologne at Marshall’s. For the newly single, it’s a time of angst and woe. When CVS is decked out in pink M&Ms and giant red teddy bears, consumerism makes it hard to ignore that you’re alone this year because of your stupid ex. Rather than mope at the bar or slash the tires of a Toyota Camry, why not inscribe their name on a cat’s toilet? An Ohio animal shelter offers this service to fundraise and, more importantly, help the heartbroken by letting them be petty!

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Open Post: Hosted By Bobi, The NEW World’s Oldest Dog

February 4, 2023 / Posted by:

Apparently, the world is teeming with very old dogs! If you recall, about two weeks ago, Spike the chihuahua was officially declared the world’s oldest dog at the age of 23. Spike is old enough to drink around the world legally. However, this announcement brought every ancient canine out of the woodwork to declare that THEY were actually the most geriatric of them all. Well, Spike has had to cede his throne because we’ve got a new world’s oldest dog: Bobi, who is a whopping 30 years old! Bobi is as old as My Cousin Vinny!

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