Surprise! A Bunch Of Famous People Showed Up During Taylor Swift’s Show In LA Last Night

A photo posted by Taylor Swift (@taylorswift) on Aug 23, 2015 at 1:56am PDT

Just like her last show, and the show before that, and she show before that, attention enthusiast Taylor Swift got herself a little extra attention this weekend by packing her 1989 tour shows in Los Angeles with tons of “surprise” guests. On Friday, Tay Tay was joined on stage by famous basketball person Kobe Bryant and car commercial band OneRepublic.

Then on Saturday, she brought out Mary J. Blige. According to People, Mary J. and Tay Tay sang Mary’s songs “Doubt” and “Family Affair” together. They would have sung “No More Drama“, but Taylor’s conscience wouldn’t let her (“Girl stop, you know you live for the drama“). She also brought out Uzo Aduba, but she’s done that before. I have no idea why Taylor keeps bringing out Crazy Eyes. Uzo, has Tay Tay kidnapped you? Blink once for yes.

For real though, is Taylor Swift contractually obligated to bring out a whole mess of guests on stage with her during her 1989 tour? Because if that’s the case, she’s eventually she’s going to run out of friends. Case in point, when she brought out Matt LeBlanc and Chris Rock last night.

A photo posted by Taylor Swift (@taylorswift) on Aug 23, 2015 at 1:58am PDT

I know Taylor needs to fill her famous friends quota, but this is ridiculous. Not to mention that she was performing in Los Angeles, which means she had access to the finest buffet of last-minute fill-in talent to pick from. Why get Chris Rock and Joey Tribbiani when you could have Phoebe Price and Bai Ling? What am I saying – and risk being upstaged by their beauty? Taylor would never.

Here’s Tay Tay looking like Sugar & Shine Cupcake doll going through a bad-girl phase at the Staples Center on Friday night.

Pics: Splash

In Case You Missed It, Here’s Jamie Foxx Delivering Some Raw Emotion While Yodeling Out The National Anthem

I didn’t watch that Merriweather vs. La Pequeña fight last night, because if I want to watch two sweaty dudes hug all sweet-like and give each other blows to the face, I’ll log into Sean Cody. Besides, if there’s a fight in a ring and none of the beauties from GLOW are involved, I’m not interested. But apparently everyone watched that mess (the fight even fucked with Robert Downey Jr.’s money) and from what I read, the consensus is that the fight was about as exciting and riveting as watching two sleepy toddlers on Ritalin play with a half-broken boxing ring toy. Apparently, the best part happened before the fight when Katie Holmes’ maybe fuck buddy opened his mouth and made the bald eagle cry with his version of The Star-Spangled Banner. Shit had more ups, downs and surprises than the actual fight.

While Mary J. Blige, Beyonce and Mimi sat in the audience, Jamie and an organ player took our ears all sorts of places. Of course, some hating bitches on Twitter said that Jamie should be arrested for butchering the National Anthem and said that his runs made them want to run away. But I, for one, loved it, especially the last super messy 10 seconds.

I didn’t even watch that stupid fight and can say that Jamie Foxx’s performance was more thrilling. You didn’t know who was going to win: Jamie Foxx’s vocal cords or those high notes? And that random “hallelujah” at the end probably made a thousand haters say “hallelujah” too, because they were glad it was finally over.

And here’s some famous hos who were at last night’s Jamie Foxx Does The National Anthem Show (featuring that fight).

“Cooooooooooooooke?”

Don’t you just hate it when you mistake a salt shaker for a coke shaker (see: picture of LiLo above)?

As expected, Fox News kept up their reputation as the hardest working fuckery makers in the game by bringing a triple dose of fame whore to last night’s White House Correspondents’ Dinner at the Hilton in DC. Lindsay Lohan came as a guest of Fox’s Greta van Susteren, and Kim Kuntrashian and Pimp Mama Kris came as guests of Fox’s affiliate in the 9th circle of Hell. LiLo actually bathed with soap for the occasion and covered her freckled carcass with the discount Windsor Fashions dress you wore to your prom in 1989. Even though that cheap ass dress looks like it was made with doggy poop bags, it was perfect for the occasion. It showcased her saggy wrinkly side tit and its skirt completely covered up the bags that were strapped to her thighs to hold all the silverware, jooree and centerpieces she stole from the event. “What did I do with my diamond bracelet?” is definitely the most used sentence in DC this morning.

As for Kim and PMK, they dressed up as Whore Kristmas. Kim wore a velvet dress that’s the exact shade of the fumes that billow out of her cooze hole after she bumps wet parts with Kanye.  Pimp Mama Kris wore her creator’s favorite color and it looked like a dynamite stick stuffed with foundation blew up in her face right before she walked through a wind tunnel. Not only is bitch’s face pulled, but so is her hair. Pimp Mama Kris’ hair was standing straight up like it was reaching for God to help it.

I couldn’t find any pictures of Kim and LiLo together, but I’m assuming there will be some later after pictures from the Secret Service’s after-party held at the Super 8 in Virginia come out. In the meantime, here’s some pictures from last night. In order: LiLo, Rick Santorum (getting a quick buzz from breathing in the coke dust cloud that surrounds LiLo), Kim with PMK, Mary J. Blige with her husband Kendu Isaacs, DanRad with Ronan Farrow, Charlize Theron, Kate Hudson, Claire Danes, Sookeh with Beehl, Goldie Hawn, Rosario Dawson with a pair of plastic baby heads, Dakota Fanning, Ginnifer Goodwin (after a bedskirt bukkake session), Eva Longoria, Zooey Deschanel, Swizz Beak with Alicia Keys, Martha Stewart, Viola Davis with her husband Julius Tennon and Oprah’s handmaiden.

Mary J. Blige Is Sorry For This

One thing that’s not in the chicken wraps is Mary J. Blige’s amusement. After some people lost their minds over Mary J. Blige rising up out of the damn floor into a Burger King booth to yodel about crispy chick-en, Burger King snatched the commercial down and blamed it all on licensing issues. Burger King said they were reworking the commercial and would release a new one soon. Wrap a crispy UH HUH in a tortilla and feed it to Burger King, because you know they’re lying. Then yesterday, Mary J. Blige rose up out of the floor again to tell TMZ that she understands why her fans threw hateration and holleration at her and she wants them to know that she doesn’t co-sign that three cheese fuckery:

“I agreed to be a part of a fun and creative campaign that was supposed to feature a dream sequence. Unfortunately, that’s not what was happening in that clip.

I understand my fans being upset by what they saw. But, if you’re a Mary fan, you have to know I would never allow an unfinished spot like the one you saw go out.”

Even if that commercial was a dream sequence, it would still be a nightmare. But you know, this wasn’t some minstrel show shit to me and I didn’t get the urge to shake Burger King the same way Nell Carter shook Joey Lawrence when he did blackface in front of her church. Who doesn’t want to sing about crispy chicken?! The thing that offended me most is Mary’s bangs looking like it was scalped off of Benji. Call PETA, not the NAACP!

But I will accept Mary’s apology, because I did curse her name yesterday when I found myself rising up from behind the kitchen counter to sing, “Cris-py chick-en! Fresh lettuce! Three chee-ses! Ranch dress-ing!”

What In The Hell Kind Of GD Outfit Is This?

No, your browser didn’t fall into a future portal and show you the first runway refugee on the new season of RuPaul’s Drag Race who was given her sashay away orders after losing a challenge where she had to make a Star Trek go-go dancer outfit out of Regretsy rejects. This is Jenny Craig’sWeight Watchers’ main ho, JHud, wearing a whole lot of dusty pink NO at last night’s taping of Vh1 Divas Soul in NYC.

When you’re at the same event as the international icon of glamour Dolly Parton, this is not how come out. That lacefront was slapped on with Silly Putty, those retina-melting boots were made from my old glitter snap bracelets and the top of her dress almost looks like a bib of dehydrated menstrual berries. But even though JHud was hairline to toe fug, she still didn’t give us the most dreadful look last night. That title goes to Jessie J who really needs to have a permanent seat on a chair made of Super Glue. That low budget Mrs. White mop on her head gives me flames, FLAMES, on the side of my face.

Here’s more pictures from last night’s Vh1 Divas Soul, which I think airs tonight (I think). In order!: JHead, Jill Scott, Mary J. Blige, Florence Welch, Jessie Janky, Mavis Staples with Martha Reeves, Chaka with 50 Cent, Common and DOLLY!!!!