Imagine you’re at home, minding your own business, and you look out the window to see some mustachioed fiend standing outside gripping a pillow. He doesn’t look bothered, in fact he’s grinning like an idiot, despite the fact that it’s freezing outside and he’s not wearing a coat. You might think he was some sort of deranged imbecile who thinks that Trump was chosen by God to become President. And you’d be right! That’s what happened to a Jordan, Minnesota resident who called the police to report a seriously fucked up looking person standing outside in the cold. But because they are nice in Minnesota, they only called so that the police could do a wellness check on the person. Turns out the guy was more fucked up than he looked. When the police got there, they found him stiff as a board! Turns out it was a cardboard cutout of MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell, and he actually believes Trump was appointed by God.
According to the Jordan Police Department:
Officers were called to check on the welfare of an adult male in one of our local neighborhoods standing motionless outside and near a home wearing no coat in the cold and hugging a pillow.
Upon arriving on-scene, Officers discovered the adult male in need of possible assistance was actually a cardboard cutout of MyPillow CEO and inventor Mike Lindell. Those cardboard cutouts sure can look real from a distance and the caller certainly was not wanting to get too close thinking who is this deranged person standing outside in the cold hugging a pillow; always better to call the police.
That caller might have been wrong about the cardboard Mike being a person, but they kind of hit the nail on the head when they said he was deranged. According to The Hill, the flesh version of MyPillow CEO Mike just spoke at the CPAC (Conservative Political Action Conference) and recounted a divine revelation he had after meeting Donald Trump in 2015.
“As I stand before you today, I see the greatest president in history. Of course he is. He was chosen by God.”
Mike also credits God with helping him get sober after decades of being addicted to alcohol, cocaine and crack. According to Mike, “the only way that I was able to do this was through Divine intervention”. I wonder if God was the one who put that cardboard cutout in the street, which led to the police getting called, which led to a fun fluff story, which led to people boycotting MyPillow after finding out that they were putting money in the pocket of a man who believes that Donald Trump is all part of God’s Plan.
MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell said at CPAC that Donald Trump was "chosen by God" to be president. And this is what pissed off consumers had to say about MyPillow.
— Jon Cooper (@joncoopertweets) March 3, 2019
So glad I don't own a My Pillow…. https://t.co/U5d2VJImkP
— Morgan Fairchild (@morgfair) February 28, 2019
You’ve got to hand it to God, he’s got a wicked sense of humor.
Pic: Jordan Police Department via Facebook