Heidi Klum Wormed Her Way Back Into The Spotlight At Her Annual Halloween Bash
I know it seems apocryphal to say, given #thesetryingtimes, that earth is healing, but the signs are everywhere if you know where to look. For one, it’s raining today in Northern California. Right outside my window, I can clearly see, AND HEAR, actual precipitation falling from the sky. My feetsies are a little cold too. So when I say all is not lost, you’ve got to believe me. To wit — After a two-year pandemic hiatus, Heidi Klum’s annual Halloween extravaganza popped off in New York with Heidi doing The Worm on the red carpet. And when I say she was doing The Worm, what I really mean is she was doing The Worm That Will Haunt My Every Waking Moment.
For the past two years, Heidi has stayed in for Halloween. But the year before the pandemic swooped in and showed us what horror really is, Heidi celebrated 20 years of doing the most by spending 10 hours getting dolled up as some kind of fleshy robot/alien hybrid with hydraulic titties in front of a live audience. So she could hardly come back from that, presenting as some basic ass humanoid. This year, if Heidi’s worm has titties, I dare you to find them. In fact, I double dog dare you (and if you do, please send your evidence to foundem@dlisted.com). Heidi was attended by her husband Tom Kaulitz, who is to be commended for knowing his job is to support the vision, without getting in the way, sacrificing an eye in the process. According to People:
The Queen of Halloween has returned.
After two years of not having her iconic Halloween party, Heidi Klum was back in action with a spooky fête in New York City this year.
On Monday night, the 49-year-old model marked her return in a head-to-toe worm costume. The realistic piece featured ridges and was made complete with a curved head and long tail. She was accompanied by husband Tom Kaulitz as a fisherman with a bloody eye.
Klum’s entire body was covered, with the exception of her eyes and mouth, and her tan sneakers were seen peeking through.
Here’s Heidi’s audition reel for Dune Part 3: Don’t Wormy Darling.
You know, I’ve come to conclude that there are really only two types of girlie. You are either a basic ass Christmas girlie who kneels at the altar of Mariah Carey, loves overly sweet coffee drinks, “cozy sweaters” and views Halloween as little more than a hurdle over one must leap, dressed as a slutty [insert instantly recognizable pop cultural reference], in order to reach the safety of “the holidays.” Or you’re a Halloween girlie for whom November 1st merely marks the first night night of the year in which Heidi slithers into your subconscious, where she will stay, lurking in the shadows, haunting not only your dreams, but also your waking moments. Much as Christmas girlies are activated by the opening jingle jangle bells of All I Want For Christmas is You, Halloween girlies are also triggered by that tune. But for us Halloween Girlies, AIWFCIY acts in the same way the Queen of Diamonds does in the Manchurian Candidate (Angela Lansbury — certified Halloween girlie) and opens a portal in our brain where whatever fucked up monstrosity Heidi transformed into that year posts up, rent-free, transforming the “the holidays” into a months-long gauntlet of madness and mayhem.
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- Leni Klum and Heidi Klum
Pics: BauerGriffin/INSTARimages.com/Cover Images