Category: Forbes
As Far As Forbes Is Concerned, Kylie Jenner Is No Longer A Billionaire And Probably Never Was
Well guys, I’m devastated to report that everything we thought we knew about Kylie Jenner was a lie. While the information I’m about to impart to you may SHOCK YOU TO YOUR CORE, if we are to move forward together, it is important that we do so with clear-headed knowledge and the unvarnished truth. Here we go. Kylie Jenner is not, I repeat not, a billionaire. Don’t take my repetition to mean she’s not not a billionaire like Lana Del Rey is not not a feminist. Kylie is not not not a billionaire. According to Forbes, the very outlet responsible for fabricating this appalling fallacy, Kylie tricked them! I’ll give you a moment to recover before we move forward into uncharted territory.
Kylie Jenner Is Once Again Named By Forbes As The World’s Youngest “Self-Made” Billionaire
I guess Forbes forgot about every single suspicious eyebrow that was raised last year when they named Kylie Jenner, child of wealth and fame, the world’s youngest self-made billionaire. It was the day we all realized the sad truth that not one poor soul at Forbes had access to a dictionary. After first defending the choice, Kylie came around and acknowledged that she’s made her own money, but isn’t exactly self-made. But Forbes still put her at the top again of this year’s list of the world’s youngest billionaires.
The Highest-Paid Person On YouTube Is An Eight-Year-Old Who Reviews Toys
Remember when YouTube was just that place where you watched Andy Samberg’s “Lazy Sunday” and local news reporters falling out of giant vats of grapes? Well, that was nearly a decade and a half ago, and now YouTube is a place where you can make millions and millions of dollars. Just so long as you also have millions and millions of followers. Forbes recently released their list of the highest earning YouTube stars, and it’s going to make you wish you were born in this decade to parents with zero regard to your privacy or child labor laws. Because the richest person on YouTube is a child that films videos of them opening toys.
The Rock Is Once Again Forbes’ Highest-Paid Actor
After two whole years languishing – suffering, even! – in the number two spot, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson is back at the top of Forbes’ annual list of the highest-paid actors. Now someone else can be the roody-poo candy ass number two, and that someone is Chris Hemsworth. Hang your head (and bank account) in shame, hottest Hemsworth brother.
Taylor Swift Tops Forbes’ 2019 World’s Highest-Paid Celebrities List
If you were worried about Taylor Swift winding up in the streets rattling a tin cup and begging for change to feed her cats, I’ve got good news for you. Despite never having owned her own masters, Taylor has still managed to make quite a good living for herself. Her 2019 earnings of $185 million have landed her the #1 spot on Forbes’ World’s 100 Highest-Paid Celebrities list. She may have been offered a shitty deal with her old label, Big Machine Records, and seen her work fall into her enemy’s hands, but don’t shed a tear for Tay Tay. There’s still plenty of Fancy Feast on the menu at her house. And you won’t see Scooter Braun’s name anywhere on this list. However, she does have other sworn enemies breathing down her neck. Coming in at #2 and #3 on Forbes’ list are Kylie Jenner ($170 M) and Kanye West ($150 M) respectively (and Kim Kardashian is #26, $72 M).
Forbes Has Named Rihanna The Richest Woman In Music
Rihanna may currently be focusing all her energy on being a makeup mogul and a luxury clothing designer, but first and foremost, Rihanna is a singer. “If that’s so, then WHERE’S THE NEW MUSIC????” screams her fans every second of every day. But Rihanna is still technically a singer-slash-everything else she does, which would be why she recently found herself being crowned the richest woman in music by Forbes. And when they say rich, they aren’t kidding. These are some “Celine Dion, who?” numbers.