Category: Engagements

Avril Lavigne And Mod Sun Are Engaged

April 7, 2022 / Posted by:

So tragic. Kourtney Kardashian and Travis Barker only got a few days’ worth of attention before being swiftly replaced in the news cycle by another marriage-based story involving tattooed music types and mall punk vibes. Avril Lavigne announced earlier today that she’s engaged to her boyfriend of about a year, the man with a name like an unauthorized child of Frank Zappa, Mod Sun.

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Megan Fox And Machine Gun Kelly Got Engaged And Celebrated By Drinking Each Other’s Blood

January 13, 2022 / Posted by:

Sorry Kanye West and Julia Fox, the attention whore couple of all attention whore couples are now ENGAGED! 35-year-old Megan Fox and her “twin flame”, 31-year-old Machine Gun Kelly (aka Weed) are getting hitched. Not since Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson has the world been so excited for nuptials! And hopefully, these ones actually happen because I mean, just picture the sort of stripper-chic wedding eleganza that Megan could serve us! Fashion Nova, start sewing!

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Josh Duhamel Is Engaged To Audra Mari

January 9, 2022 / Posted by:

Congratulations to Josh Duhamel for finally finding a young woman he can bust a middle-aged baby-making nut up into! It was just three years ago when Josh Duhamel said that he’s not 30 years old anymore, so he’s done with random fuck times and “it’s more about finding someone young enough to have kids.” And now 49-year-old Josh is engaged to his 28-year-old girlfriend of a couple of years, model Audra Mari. I’m sure the definition of romance was redefined when Josh got down on one knee and gazed deeply at Audra’s uterus area and asked it to be his…

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Donald Trump Jr. And Kimberly Guilfoyle Are Engaged

January 4, 2022 / Posted by:

I wasn’t ever quite sure what was on her agenda when Kimberly Guilfoyle unhinged her jaw and ominously screamed THE BEST IS YET TO COME during the 2020 RNC, better known on Twitter as the #CocaineConvention, but it looks like it might have been referring to some personal developments. I honestly thought she was summoning an army of demons from the depths of Abaddon but according to Page Six, she might have just been foretelling something more personal. Because on Saturday, Kimberly posted an Instagram pic that makes it seem like she and her boyfriend of a year Donald Trump Jr. are headed to the altar. And since there are no altars in Hell, I guess that means they’re probably getting married at the closest equivalent, the Donald J. Trump Grand Ballroom at Mar-A-Lago.

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Aziz Ansari Is Engaged To A Forensic Data Scientist

December 3, 2021 / Posted by:

Aziz Ansari has been keeping a pretty low profile since 2018 when he was accused by a woman, known only as Grace, who recounted an awkward sexual encounter she had with him for the since defunct blog Babe.net. Grace accused Aziz, in part, of not picking up on hints that she wasn’t interested in having sex. Since the controversy, Aziz has been lying so low that, according to Page Six, he’s been living in London and barely appeared in season 3 of his own TV show Master of None. But Aziz has been doing stand-up comedy lately and during a surprise set at New York’s Comedy Cellar on Wednesday, he announced he’s engaged to girlfriend Serena Skov Campbell, a Danish forensic data scientist. Maybe Serena helped Aziz crunch the numbers and concluded that enough time has passed that he can get through an entire set without being pelted with crumpled-up Post-It notes with the word “hint” written inside.

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Lindsay Lohan Is Engaged

November 28, 2021 / Posted by:

And in a PLOT TWIST, that headline is not unfinished and I didn’t mean to write: Lindsay Lohan Is Engaged… In Alleged Shady Activity. Lindsay Lohan is engaged to her boyfriend of about two years, Bader Shammas, a man who may be the only human on earth willing to marry into the Lohan family. I’m sure that Dina Lohan has already introduced herself to every single person who Bader is even a little bit related to by calling them up and saying, “Hello, it’s me, White Oprah, and since we’re family now, I was wondering if you could give me a little loan. I take cash, crypto, all major and minor credit cards, Venmo, Square Cash, Apple Pay, Google Pay, and I can even send a carrier pigeon if that’s easier!

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