If I had to guess what a bad date with Aziz Ansari might be like, I would have pictured him showing up at a restaurant with his Emmy and his Golden Globe and smugly announcing “How about we make this a double date with two of my closest friends,” before sexy winking to the hostess. An anonymous woman recently came forward on the internet, and according to her, her date with Aziz Ansari was much worse than that.
Babe.net published a story from a 23-year-old woman (then 22) known only as Grace who went on a date with 34-year-old Aziz Ansari after meeting him at an Emmys afterparty in September. Aziz took her for dinner in NYC, then quickly asked for the check and they went back to his apartment. Once there, Grace alleges that Aziz moved fast with some kissing and grabbing. Grace says she started to feel uncomfortable with how quickly things were moving, and she alleges she suggested they slow down and “chill.”
Aziz’s version of “chill” allegedly involved kissing her further, going down on her, then asking her to go down on him. Grace says he repeatedly used a move she called “the claw” in which he stuck his fingers down her throat and put them inside her. She claims kept grabbing her too. Grace says he tried five to seven times, and each time she pulled away. Grace believes she used verbal and non-verbal cues to let him know she wasn’t interested in sex or continuing what they were doing, but he didn’t pick up on any of them.
When he asked her for sex, Grace says she tried to get out of it by telling him “next time,” and he responded by asking her if it would count as a second date if he poured her another glass of wine. Grace told Aziz she didn’t want to feel forced into anything, and he agreed. But that was allegedly followed by Aziz pointing at his dick and motioning for her to go down on him. She told him she wasn’t ready to do anything. They put their clothes on, and again it wasn’t long before he was putting fingers in her mouth and trying to take her pants off.
She eventually left, cried the whole way home in the Uber he called for her, and texting him the next day that she was upset he repeatedly ignored her non-verbal cues to stop. Aziz replied he was sorry.
This is the text Grace* sent Aziz Ansari after their date which left her feeling “violated”. She tells Ansari how uncomfortable he made her feel, saying “you ignored clear non-verbal cues” and “kept going with advances.”
— babe (@babedotnet) January 14, 2018
Since Grace’s story broke, Aziz has released a response through his publicist to Variety. Aziz has been an ally of the #MeToo movement, and was seen wearing a Time’s Up pin at the Golden Globes last week. How he feels about sexual misconduct can be seen pretty clearly in the Chef Jeff episode of Master of None. Aziz claims he understood his experience with Grace was consensual and was concerned to learn it might not have been.
“In September of last year, I met a woman at a party. We exchanged numbers. We texted back and forth and eventually went on a date. We went out to dinner, and afterwards we ended up engaging in sexual activity, which by all indications was completely consensual.
The next day, I got a text from her saying that although ‘it may have seemed okay,’ upon further reflection, she felt uncomfortable. It was true that everything did seem okay to me, so when I heard that it was not the case for her, I was surprised and concerned. I took her words to heart and responded privately after taking the time to process what she had said.
I continue to support the movement that is happening in our culture. It is necessary and long overdue.”
Grace argues that she couldn’t just get up and leave from Aziz’s place because she felt pressure to stay, and that she was a little frozen in the moment. And I’m sure that some people will argue she didn’t say “no” loud enough. I’d say recoiling from a hand on a dick more than twice is a pretty loud signal that you don’t want to touch it. But if Aziz still isn’t sure about it, a helpful hint Aziz: don’t start a date as Tom Haverford and turn into Jean-Ralphio Saperstein. I could definitely see Jean-Ralphio trying to convince himself that “No means (hand to mouth) try again laAaAaAterrrrr.”