Taylor Swift fans love to dissect her music and videos for “Easter Eggs” where Taylor reveals something new or exciting. Well after the sudden release of her new album folklore, Taylor fans are worried that the secret she’s spilled is a break-up! That’s right, people who have nothing to do with Taylor Swift and Joe Alwyn‘s relationship are very worried that it has ended. But don’t worry, even if Taylor and Joe did break up, folklore has sold so many copies that she can just cry into her money to mend her broken heart. Only people making money during the pandemic are Jeff Bezos and Taylor Swift!
Taylor Swift is moving to London! No, she isn’t–but she is buying a house there. You know how rich people are: houses in various countries because all they do is travel and shop. Well actually you don’t know how that is, since 97% of the world will never experience that or even come close. But Taylor Swift sure can, and she’s looking into buying a place in London for her and her maybe fiancé Joe Alwyn.
Taylor Swift might currently be engaged to her British actor boyfriend of three years Joe Alwyn. And Swifties think that she let it be known in her song Lover with the lyrics (which she teased in her Vogue interview): My heart’s been borrowed and yours has been blue/All’s well that ends well to end up with you. That made the Swifties run to their conspiracy boards to piece the evidence together to form a theory that Taylor was dropping a hint that she was engaged. Today they’re probably circling wildly with red markers and screaming “SEE?!?!?“. Because the song is out and there’s more hints.
He’s not a celebrity, get him out of there!!! Joe Alwyn, also known as Taylor Swift’s boyfriend that hasn’t caused her to write a break-up album yet, is a British actor. You know, the kind that appears on stage in front of people and was even in the Academy Award-winning The Favourite. Despite the screen time and dating Taylor Swift, sources want you to know that Joe is NOT in this for the celebrity, so don’t expect him to show up in any curated Fourth of July party squad photo with Blake Lively and the rest of the crowd. He’s just here for true love, dammit! I know, I can’t stop laughing either.
On the one hand, I’m side-eyeing this story hard. On the other, I totally buy it and can imagine Taylor Swift mailing an e-engagement announcement to Karlie Kloss that bellows, “ANYTHING YOU CAN DO, I CAN DO BETTER!” when opened. Taylor and her boyfriend Joe Alwyn have been together for a surprisingly long while (almost two years), and he hasn’t been the source of a jaded album or an annoying 4thof July photo shoot – yet. Some now think that’s making Joe eager to lock down a retirement plan (aka propose to Taylor).
Us Weekly says don’t take Taylor’s reluctance to parade Joe around like her other men as a sign of embarrassment. It’s the opposite. This is REAL love and not meant for us meanie pants people to mock. A snitch says Joe must like that because he might put some hardware on that finger:
“Joe is very keen on proposing soon. But he wants to make it unforgettable and extremely special.”
Not to be THAT bitch, but isn’t getting to the proposal stage extremely special enough? Please don’t be that trick who hires the Haim sisters to serenade during the proposal because Taylor is likely already planning that for when she gets on one knee and proposes to you, Joe. The same blabber says Joe is Taylor’s “dream guy” and that she’ll be “over the moon” to get engaged. Yeah, well, that’s because she’ll finally have an entirely new subject to sing about on her albums. Don’t even get me STARTED on when Joe knocks her up, and she’s expecting the first Swiftie offspring!
The first rule about dating the Butterscotch Don is you don’t talk about the Butterscotch Don…unless she forces you to wear a love declaration in spaghetti strap form. Somehow, Taylor Swift and Joe Alwyn have been going strong for nearly two years now, and somehow we haven’t heard much from him about her. Joe was recently interviewed, and he kinda broke the rule be mentioning Taylor! Well, he did that by saying he doesn’t like to talk about Taylor. Zzzzzz.