Kathy Griffin is probably pulling out a chair in preparation for the chance that Dakota Johnson might soon wander into the weekly self-help group meeting for famous people who pissed off Ellen. Because Dakota squared off on Ellen with Ellen DeGeneres during an interview to promote Dakota’s new movie, The Peanut Butter Falcon. And things got very, very awkward.
Dakota celebrated her 30th birthday on October 4th, and she threw a big party. Ellen asked Dakota how her party was, before adding an all-too self-confident: “I wasn’t invited.” Anyone who loved squirming at Dakota’s non-chemistry with Jamie Dornan in the Fifty Shades series was in for a real treat. Because Dakota decided to grab Ellen by the metaphorical throat and pull her down into a sinkhole of cringey on-screen awkwardness by replying:
“Actually no, that’s not the truth Ellen. You were invited. Last time I was on the show, last year, you gave me a bunch of shit about not inviting you.”
Ellen sat there looking calm and focused, but I wouldn’t be surprised if inside her brain, the Kill Bill siren was blaring at full-volume. Last year, Dakota appeared on Ellen after her 29th birthday party, and Ellen did give her shit for not being invited. Dakota said that the only reason she didn’t invite her last year was because she wasn’t sure if Ellen even liked her. Ellen then explained that she liked Dakota, and that Dakota knew this.
Dakota wasn’t willing to let Ellen get away with any bullshit this time around. When Ellen debated whether Dakota really did invite her, Dakota said:
“Ask everybody. Ask Jonathan, your producer.”
One of Ellen’s producers reminded her that she was out of town, and Ellen added: “Oh yeah, I had that thing.” That thing was most likely her football-watching date with George W. Bush. Dakota’s birthday party happened on the evening of October 5th in Malibu. On October 6th, Ellen was seen being chummy with Dubya at the Dallas Cowboys game. Ellen quickly said that she did remember being invited, but that she couldn’t go, and thanked Dakota all the same. If Dakota really wanted to make it unbearable for Ellen, she should have joked that her birthday party might have been a snoozefest, but at least it wouldn’t require a week’s worth of desperate public apologies after.
Ellen got Dakota back later in the show when she awkwardly brought up Dakota’s on-and-off boyfriend Chris Martin, asking if Dakota saw Chris perform at Ellen’s fundraiser, Gorillapalooza. Ellen claimed that she liked Dakota. But honestly, it sounds like Ellen is going to be reevaluating that stance. I wouldn’t be surprised if Dakota just dropped a rung on Ellen’s Tolerance Index from Liked to Only Appears On The Show If Her Publicist Begs.