While being interviewed in her home for a Vanity Fair profile, Grimes accidentally on purpose got busted hiding an infant upstairs. And since X Æ A-12 is no longer an infant, the wails from upstairs could only have come from an alien or, as turns out to be the case, a second human baby whose parents like to play make-believe. And so, it was revealed that Elon Musk and Grimes made a secret baby who was born via surrogate in December and is named Exa Dark Sideræl Musk, or Y for short. During the interview, Grimes called Elon her boyfriend, and said that they want more children. But on Twitter today, Grimes said that they have since broken up again. So they may never get to work their way toward an algebraic equation, that once fully assembled, will probably equal something trollish like 69 Haræbambe.
Here’s how the reveal went down. Apparently, Grimes and Elon are still working out the kinks in baby Y’s mute settings. VF reports:
About 15 minutes after we sit down to discuss her new music, a “space opera” due this spring-ish tentatively called Book 1, I hear what sounds vaguely like a lone cry from an infant upstairs. I think I notice Grimes wince, but I say nothing and move on. Could be anything.
Another few minutes pass. Just as I’m about to bring up one of Book 1’s highlights, a soon-to-be-ubiquitous banger called “Sci-Fi” that she cowrote with The Weeknd and his longtime producer Illangelo, I hear it again. This time it’s multiple cries, and it’s unmistakable. I’ve got two kids. That’s a baby. And I can tell by the frozen look on my host’s face that she heard it too. So I brace myself to ask the strangest question of my career: Do you have another baby in your life, Grimes?
Her body clenches and she looks away.
“I’m not at liberty to speak on these things,” she begins, and then all in a tumble she says: “Whatever is going on with family stuff, I just feel like kids need to stay out of it, and X is just out there. I mean, I think E is really seeing him as a protégé and bringing him to everything and stuff.… X is out there. His situation is like that. But, yeah, I don’t know.”
It’s either an incredible contrivance worthy of a gold medal in natal stunting or Grimes is a real Nᴔ Maxi Zꝏm Dweeßie. When Y cried again Grimes eventually admitted “I don’t know. I don’t know what I was thinking,” presumably about inviting a reporter to her house when she had a secret baby upstairs and not the whole procreating with Elon Musk situation. That probably won’t occur to her until X starts writing letters to Santa and his Christmas wish list is just names of people he’d like to have jailed or killed. No need to worry about that with Y though. This baby is for her.
“The best situation here,” she says, “is me training the girl and him”—Musk— “training the boy.”
And so, with the cat out of the bag, Grimes explained that they used a surrogate this time because of the debilitating pain she suffered towards the end of her pregnancy with X.
The last month of her pregnancy with X, she couldn’t walk. “He was pressing on my nerves, so I kept collapsing,” she says. “I took a few steps and collapsed. It was kind of scary, because you don’t want to fall a lot when you’re eight months pregnant. So I would just crawl to the bathroom and crawl back or whatever.” At one point during the pregnancy, she thought she was dying. “Like, I hemorrhaged. It was scary.” She and Musk wanted more kids, but she feared serious complications.
Mars isn’t going to populate itself and Grimes says she and Bro (seriously, that’s what she calls Elon!) “always wanted at least three or four.” And babies are expensive, what with their operating systems needing updating every couple of months. Thankfully, even though “Bro does not live like a billionaire. Bro lives at times below the poverty line,” they can afford it. And as for little Y’s name, even though Grimes says “It’s fire,” “Exa Dark Sideræl was actually something of a compromise, and she worries it’s a little boring.” Is it though? Or is it just silly?
Exa is a reference to the supercomputing term exaFLOPS (the ability to perform 1 quintillion floating-point operations per second). Dark, meanwhile, is “the unknown. People fear it but truly it’s the absence of photons. Dark matter is the beautiful mystery of our universe.” She texts me a voice memo with the pronunciation of Sideræl—“sigh-deer-ee-el”—which she calls “a more elven” spelling of sidereal, “the true time of the universe, star time, deep space time, not our relative earth time.” It’s also a nod to her favorite Lord of the Rings character, the powerful Galadriel, who “chooses to abdicate the ring.”
But on Twitter, Grimes said that her baby’s name will change in the future:
This will most definitely change btw haha but it won’t be for public
— 𝔊𝔯𝔦𝔪𝔢𝔰 (⌛️,⏳) ᚷᚱᛁᛗᛖᛋ (@Grimezsz) March 10, 2022
Well, Y can always change it herself to something more exotic like Claire² when she gets a little older.
Pic: Vanity Fair