Category: Grimes

Elon Musk Is Reportedly The Father Of Twins He Made With A Neuralink Executive

July 7, 2022 / Posted by:

Thoughts and prayers to the Neuralink employee who deals with public relations, because damn if they haven’t had an uphill battle. If it’s not having to respond to claims that their company can make a real-life dinosaur (it can’t), then it’s sweating over how you’re going to address whether or not a whole bunch of monkeys died during testing (they did). Silver lining, this latest PR nightmare doesn’t involve animals, unless you count Elon Musk, who might be breeding in a way that would have Bob Barker hissing, “Come on, what the fuck did I say about spaying and neutering your pets.” According to a recent report, Elon Musk and Neuralink executive, Shivon Zilis, welcomed twins last year.

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Grimes Claims She Hacked And Blackmailed A Blog Back In The Day (Which Might Get Her In Trouble Today)

March 25, 2022 / Posted by:

Grimes isn’t just an experimental cyberpop artist-turned-billionaire’s kids’ mother. According to Grimes herself, she’s also a skilled hacker who once brought down the popular blog Hipster Runoff. And that’s cool if you’re trying to impress Angelina Jolie and her sassy little haircut in Hackers. But if you’re someone who follows along with something like, oh, I don’t know, the law, then admitting you hacked and blackmailed a blog might not be the coolest thing to admit during a Vanity Fair YouTube video. Which is…exactly what Grimes did.

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Grimes And Elon Musk Welcomed A Second Child

March 10, 2022 / Posted by:

While being interviewed in her home for a Vanity Fair profile, Grimes accidentally on purpose got busted hiding an infant upstairs. And since X Æ A-12 is no longer an infant, the wails from upstairs could only have come from an alien or, as turns out to be the case, a second human baby whose parents like to play make-believe. And so, it was revealed that Elon Musk and Grimes made a secret baby who was born via surrogate in December and is named Exa Dark Sideræl Musk, or Y for short. During the interview, Grimes called Elon her boyfriend, and said that they want more children. But on Twitter today, Grimes said that they have since broken up again. So they may never get to work their way toward an algebraic equation, that once fully assembled, will probably equal something trollish like 69 Haræbambe.

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Time Magazine Names Elon Musk “Person Of The Year”

December 13, 2021 / Posted by:

LMAO at this one. 50-year-old billionaire, Elon Musk, is Time Magazine‘s Person of the Year. The guy who thought COVID-19 would be gone last April, and that you could rescue a children’s soccer team from an underwater cave with a single-seated submarine, and plays video games more than he talks to his girlfriends, is the Person of the Year. But as we’ve been reminded before, Time’s Person of the Year is not Time’s BEST Person of the Year. I mean, Jeff Bezos and Trump have been Person of the Year before.

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