Open Post: Hosted By Katy Perry’s Onstage Eye “Glitching”
Back at the Super Bowl in 2015, Katy Perry bestowed the lovably incompetent “Left Shark” upon us, and now during a recent performance at her Las Vegas residency, she gave us the unsettling “Right Eye.” Since a video was posted to TikTok on Sunday showing Katy struggling to keep her right eye open, it’s gone viral and sparked intrigue and concern for what may have caused her to “glitch.”
There’s A Scandal Involving A Racist Lesbian Emu Farmer From Florida
If you enjoyed linewives vs. bucket bunnies, the rancid Pink Sauce debacle, and the chess cheating scandal, this next story is for you! It’s got Avian bird flu, clout-chasing lesbian farmers, the N-word, and one extremely stressed-out emu named Emmanuel Todd Lopez. Now, I’ve heard bits and pieces of this story, but yesterday Jezebel published a helpful summary. Perfect! Let’s dive in, shall we? But first, a trigger warning: FLORIDA.
Matthew Perry Seems To Hate Keanu Reeves For No Good Reason
Other than Dolly Parton, you’d be hard-pressed to name a celebrity more universally beloved than the Internet’s Boyfriend (2019 – ‘til the wheels fall off and we’re back to stanning via tin cans tied together with a string) Keanu Reeves. However, Matthew Perry apparently hates the dude. And here I thought the big, terrible thing referenced in Friends, Lovers and the Big Terrible Thing, the addiction memoir Matthew’s currency hawking, was his addiction. But considering Matthew’s seemingly unfounded detest for the man who would not only never hurt a fly, but would probably befriend a fly and let it live in his guest house rent-free until it could get back on his wings, I think the Big Terrible Thing in Matthew’s book might be Keanu himself.
Gisele Bündchen Reportedly Issued One Last Ultimatum To Tom Brady
All right, everyone, the moment we have been waiting for is upon us! For months Tom Brady has been fumbling his marriage AND his career after yelling “PSYCH!” once he said he was retiring for good. And his example may be the inspiration for Serena Williams’ potential comeback to tennis, but hopefully, she uses Tom’s blueprint for what NOT to do. Because not only has his career been suffering, his marriage to his leggy lover Gisele Bundchen has been on a rapid decline as she is ready to gallop like a gazelle far away from Tom and his indecisiveness. But in a last-ditch effort, before their union devolves into divorce, Gisele is allegedly giving Tom one more chance to get his shit together or get ready to watch her whisper sweet negotiations into her lawyer’s ear from across the room.
Zac Efron Got Beefed Up For The Wrestling Movie “The Iron Claw”
It’s time for another iteration of Zac Efron‘s metamorphosis. After his jawline debut, which was apparently courtesy of a near-death fall, he shifted into Zac Lowe, and people wondered if his jaw had been touched by the delicate hands of a well-trained surgeon. But this new version is probably only touched by a personal trainer, lots of protein, and I would argue a testosterone cycle because Zac is BEEFED UP way beyond even his Baywatch shit. Enter: He-Zac and the Masters of Beefing Up
Martha Stewart Says She Would Go On A Date With “Sort Of Cute” Pete Davidson
The rumors of Pete Davison’s big dick energy have finally found their way into the circles of sexy octogenarians who want to see what all the fuss is about. And one hot memaw ready to do The Charleston all over Pete’s lap is Martha Stewart. Perhaps it’s Pete’s awkward swag of looking like a tatted-up Beaker from Sesame Street that makes all the ladies go crazy, and during a recent appearance on Drew Barrymore‘s talk show, the subject of Martha going on a date with Pete came up, and she shrugged like, “Sure, why not.”