I don’t need to tell you that the number one rule of the high seas is NEVER TRUST A FUCKING SHARK. There’s a very good reason why the president of The United States put them on the endangered species list for looking at him sideways (you know how they do). Perhaps the most famous shark of them all (yes, more famous than Jaws, the one Michael Phelps raced and the one that nibbled on Ryan Seacrest; fight me), Left Shark from Katy Perry’s 2015 Super Bowl Halftime show revealed to NPR (NPR so super left) that his bad dancing was all an act. That son of a bitch.
Left Shark’s real name is Bryan Gaw and he was a dancer in Katy’s troupe for 5 years but is now a hairdresser in West Hollywood. Here’s what Bryan with a Y had to say about his performance that left audiences gasping for breath like a shark who just learned he’s gonna be the father to 1000s of tiny baby sharks.
Gaw explained that the role of Left Shark involved some freedom of expression. “So there’s a set choreography,” he said. “There’s also what’s called free-style choreography, or, like, you get to move around or play your character as a dancer. … I’m in a 7-foot blue shark costume. There’s no cool in that. So what’s the other option? Well, I’m gonna play a different character.”
Not cool in a 7-foot blue shark costume? You tell Vin Diesel that shark play ain’t cool and you’ll find yourself with all 8 bajillion teef knocked out. Bryan says that the character work he did was meant to read as an “underdog” and “everyday person” and that he wanted to be extra goofy for his big shot. I’m not sure what’s goofy about pulling the wool over a nation’s eyes but you do you, Bryan. I was rooting for you, Lefty, we were all rooting for you! Now you’ve destroyed our trust but that’s our bad for ever having put our faith in a squeaky, hairless killing machine.