When Dane Cook first started dating his now 23-year-old fiancé, Kelsi Taylor, she was 19 years old. Pictures of her with her 27-year-older boyfriend were… uncomfortable to experience, but time ticks on and now she’s 23, and he’s 50 years old which is still 27 years older than her. But hey, while some may be creeped out to know that this middle-aged man is engaged to a woman he met as a teenager, he thinks it’s hilarious! In his new special, Dane jokes about how old he is compared to his once-teen-girlfriend. Love that! I have no joke for this–I mean, who would expect Dane Cook to have shame?

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Anna “Anna Delvey” Sorokin–the faux-German (actually Russian), faux-trust fund baby who scammed several businesses and rich New Yorkers out of money under the guise of paying them back once she opened a social club she was going to call “The Anna Delvey Foundation”–served out her jail sentence after she was convicted of not being rich enough to be allowed to fuck other people out of their money, and eventually ended up being detained again as she tried to fight with ICE about being deported. But, everyone hold on to your wallets; Anna has been set free, but with a sentence that is probably worse than death to a superficial social climber like her: she has to stay in her house and has been banned from using all forms of social media as a condition of her release.

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Now, you already know it’s not a true Attention Whore party until Sean “Diddy” Combs chimes in to get his face messy with cake crumbs. After Master of Disaster Kanye West pulled another attention whore stunt (since marrying Kim Kardashian) by wearing a “White Lives Matter” t-shirt at his Yeezy fashion show in Paris on Monday, many threw on their kicking boots and aimed them directly at Kanye’s ass. Luckily he still has some supporters, like Diddy. And while defending Kanye’s craziness, Diddy reminded everyone about Mac Tonight-domed former employee Ma$e, revealing he’s a phony who still owes him a whole lot of money.

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Ring Raiders!

Mirco Machines, a line of miniature cars and playsets, took the toy world BY STORM in the 80s and 90s, and I was obsessed with them. Micro Machines were the butchiest toys I owned, which is saying a lot since I “owned” a highly butch Astronaut Barbie (that I stole from my sister). But, of course, since MicroMachines was a hit, shameless copycats flew in to get a piece of that mini toy pie. And Ring Raiders was one of them.

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Hilary Swank announced that at 48, she’s got a double CASE OF THE BABIES!!! Hilary and her 45-year-old husband Philip Schneider are expecting twins. Hilary has wanted kids for a while and calls her pregnancy a miracle. Well, Hilary’s got that Karate Kid and Million Dollar Baby stamina, and she’s also got millions of dollars to pay for help, so she’ll probably be able to deal with twice the newborn hijinks. And congrats to Hilary’s twins, because in the future they’ll be able to let the kids at school know that their mom is THEE Carly from Beverly Hills, 90210   – Entertainment Weekly

Jesse Williams got a win in his child custody tussle with his ex Aryn Drake-Lee. Previously, Jesse and Aryn were fighting over their L.A.-based children visiting him in NYC where he’s doing Take Me Out on Broadway. Aryn had been against it since the kids would have to travel across the country during the school year. The judge sided with Jesse and also ordered Jesse and Aryn not to post any “derogatory remarks” about each other on social media. Aryn later posted about the judge’s decision on social media, and I’m sure that as the post went up, her lawyers thought to themselves, “Please don’t let there be anything derogatory in that post… please don’t let there be anything derogatory in that post...” – Celebitchy

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