Stanford Blatch Isn’t Only Holding Carrie Bradshaw’s Fendi Baguette, He’s Using It To Smack At Samantha Jones
All together: THIS AGAIN.
In case you’ve been focusing on more important matters (like doing a study on how long does it really take for paint to dry on a wall) and haven’t been following the war between Kim Cattrall and everyone else from Sex and the City, let me throw it down real quick for you.
The Daily Mail got the messiness started by reporting that Kim’s diva bitch shenanigans and crazy demands were keeping a third Sex and the City movie from terrorizing our senses. Sarah Jessica Parker responded by only saying that a third movie isn’t happening. Kim defended herself by saying that the only demand she made was to not do another movie. Kristin Davis cried about it on Instagram, and Willie Garson (who played Carrie’s gay sidekick Stanford Blatch) popped his head into the shit storm to say that the rumors from The Daily Mail were true. Kim kept on defending herself and talked to smug butt plug in a suit Piers Morgan about the situation. Kim said that SJP could’ve been nicer about her not wanting to do another movie, and she dropped a fart on her ex-castmates for not supporting her decision.
And here we are now, and here’s Stanford Blatch to come at Samantha Jones for a second time.
Hi all! I’m C.J. and just starting today with Dlisted. Like J Harvey, I’m from Boston, but I don’t have a cah to pahk in the yahd, unfortunately. And I apologize in advance for the uptick in Jane Pauley-related posts, but she’s a national treasure and long overdue for her moment! In the meantime….
Ryan Murphy is somewhere praying Iggy Azalea and Azealia Banks start fighting again ASAP because F/X is going to be F/X/Y/Zzzzzzzz if Feud 17 has to be about Drake Bell not getting the invite to Josh Peck’s wedding and crying about it. John Stamos, Josh’s Grandfathered co-star, Instagrammed a photo where he’s posing like Fabio on the cover of a Dollar Tree romance novel and boasted how he got the invite and didn’t even want to go.
Expecting a Gallagher brother to not take an opportunity to act like a miserable taint sore is like expecting Lindsay Lohan to not snatch a wallet that’s left right in front of her, or like expecting me to not simulate a dick-sucking with a Prince Hot Ginge wax figure at Madame Tussauds. So it’s shocking to absolutely no one that Liam Gallagher used a charity event to once again spit at his dried-up twat of a brother Noel Gallagher.
Any day now, trillions of locusts will swarm the land, Satan will crawl out of Hell to high-five his homeboy Trump and nukes will fly above our heads. And as the world crashes down around us and we all run for our lives, you can count on one thing: Amidst the chaos of it all, LeAnn Rimes and Brandi Glanville will be looking at each other like, “Ewww, your implants are jank, your weave is trash, you totally have cankles and Eddie said my pussy tastes sweeter, bitch!”
LeAnn v. Brandi is the roach of feuds, and like roaches, it apparently can be found amongst the trash and scum. The Dirty recently noticed that Brandi unfollowed her forever arch rival LeAnn on both Twitter and Instagram. James McGibney, the owner of the site BullyVille, tells The Dirty that Brandi broke up with LeAnn on social media after finding out that the diabolical luck dragon allegedly hired a professional troll (and yes, that’s what I write under “occupation” on my tax returns) to stalk and harass her. LeAnn Rimes is 34 years old. I’m pointing that out, because I’m around her age and I thought I acted like a bitchy immature tween (see: Everything I write on this blog and the fact that I asked my friend if my ex’s current boyfriend is hotter than me. The answer was yes.) But this two Dollar Tree clearance bin Regina George has me beat.
Since Kim Kartrashian is taking a fame-whorebbatical after getting jewel-jacked in Paris, it’s Kanye West’s job to desperately get those headlines and he went for it during the Seattle stop on his Saint Pablo tour last night. Kuntye went after fellow Tidal shareholder (Do they call themselves “seaweeds“?) Jay-Z over dumb political crap between Apple and Tidal, and also over Jay calling him after Kim was robbed instead of dropping by for a personal visit. Things are going to be really awkward for everyone at the next Illuminati sacrificial ritual ceremony when Kanye and Jay keep throwing mad looks at each other.
Of course she wasn’t! Demi Lovato is about to learn that if you grab the sugar cookie, you get the sharp shards of royal icing. I don’t know what that means, but it feels like something said by Taylor Swift while staring menacingly out of a window in the war room of her gingerbread house.