Now, I try to avoid sporting events starring children at all costs, because it brings together three things I don’t want to be around: sports, competing children, and batshit insane overbearing parents. But this story has made me change my mind, because I didn’t know until this video came along that my new favorite pastime is watching moronic parents teach their children that the way to handle something that doesn’t go their way is to throw punches. And this children’s baseball brawl featured a pregnant woman wielding a baseball bat. Welcome to Lakewood Youth Baseball League’s half-time show: Jerry Springer Live!
Kanye West’s new friend, that talking tree, needs to come and get him because he’s getting messy again.
Kanye’s Fern Gully moment of zen didn’t last long. Kanye added some oil to the pan and reheated his cold, dried-out, rotten beef with Drake. This time Kanye’s b-hole got twisted over Drake’s team asking for clearance to sample his song Say What’s Real. Drake remixed it in 2009. Kanye got mad because he says he’s been trying to talk to Drake for months but Drake has been avoiding him like Kanye avoids a sense of reason. Kanye could’ve, I don’t know, used his finger to open up the Messages app and text Drake, but that wouldn’t have made him trend on Twitter. And if it doesn’t get Kanye attention, it didn’t happen. Cut to Azalea Banks screaming: THE GIRLS ARE FIGHTING!
I could mean a lot of things by that headline. I could mean that a drunken Johnny Depp got into a fight with his earpiece after his assistant fed him the line, “Fuck you, asshole,” and Johnny thought that bitch ass earpiece was talking to him. I could also mean that a drunken Johnny Depp got into a fight with a shrub after thinking that shifty shrub looked at him funny. And I could mean that a drunken Johnny Depp tried to punch a crew member. This time, I’m talking about the third one.
Remember back in the olden days of the internet when a perv or pervs put together a clock counting down to when Britney Spears turned 18 (there was one for Emma Watson too)? Well, Jennifer Lawrence may have one of those for twink moppet of the moment Timothée Chalamet. Team-oh-ray is 22, and while that may be a decrepit, moth-ridden, dusty age for the likes of Bryan Singer, it’s too young for 27-year-old Jennifer Lawrence.
While selling Red Sparrow in an interview with Entertainment Tonight, JLaw made it clear that while watching Call Me By Your Name, she was wishing she had the power to shapeshift into a peach. JLaw wants on that fetus-faced curly Q-Tip, but says she’s going to wait until he’s a little more ripe for the picking, and that’s 8 years according to her.
File Under “Genius Moves”: Tyrese Is Threatening To Quit The Franchise That Brings Him Lots Of Coins
Tyrese’s life is a dried diarrhea-encrusted wreck on many levels. Tyrese is currently neck deep in shit from his shit-throwing custody fight with his ex-wife Norma Gibson. Tyrese is also in a one-man (since The Rock isn’t really fighting back) shit-throwing feud with The Rock over the Fast and the Furious franchise. And he’s been going off about both situations on Instagram.
Tyrese is apparently going broke from defending himself against his ex-wife’s accusation that he abused their 10-year-old daughter Shayla, and he also threatened to quit the Fast and the Furious franchise if The Rock stays on. So, Tyrese needs money and yet he’s threatening to quit the job that brings him an easy check? Hmmm… The next time your ass is dealing with a problem, ask yourself, “What would Tyrese do?” Whatever that answer is, do the direct fucking opposite.
Early Sunday morning, Busy Phillips (Kim Kelly from Freaks and Geeks) got into an Uber with her husband Marc Silverstein. That’s not the news here. Although it is a little surprising to learn that someone with Cougar Town money doesn’t get chauffeured around town in a stretch limo in a series of underground tunnels built specifically for the rich and famous. Anyway, Busy’s Uber ride was dramatic for her and she relayed the whole situation in a series of Instagram stories.