Cat Cora Filed A Restraining Order Against Her Ex-Wife For Allegedly Trying To Making Her Life A Living Hell
Currently, there are several celebrity divorce fights going on that the Department of Transportation has their eyes on since they’re certified train wrecks (see: Brangelina’s, Jaime King’s, Dr. Dre’s, etc…). But one would hope that after the court punches the divorce papers with a FINALIZED stamp, everyone would put down their shanks and go to their separate corners. Well, Cat Cora’s fucked-up relationship with her ex-wife, Jennifer Cora, might be the Messy Ghost of Relationship With Your Ex Yet To Come for those couples. Because Cat Cora, from Food Network’s Iron Chef America, wants a restraining order against Jennifer Cora. Cat claims that Jennifer is a nightmare bigger than getting ostrich as the secret ingredient on Iron Chef.
If Noel Gallagher had calmly said that he’s more than happy to wear a mask since he cares about other human beings and wants to do his part to stop the spread of coronavirus, I’d immediately lube up my parts and assume the position, because I’d finally get some since today is Opposite Day. But since Noel Gallagher is Noel Gallagher he didn’t say that and while on Matt Morgan’s Funny How? podcast (via The Guardian), he made it damn clear that the only way he would hate a mask more is if it had the words I Love Adele embroidered on it.
2020 is brand new and there’s already a debate on whether or not it was okay for Pope Frances to slappity slap at the hand of a disciple who grabbed at him as though she was a Lush employee and he barely stepped into the store, or like insomnia grabbing at me at 3am right when I’m about to finally fall asleep after staring at the ceiling for 4 hours. Yes, 2019 ended with a Pope slap and 2020 is starting with a debate about that mess. So much for Dry January, pour me a drank.
Now, I try to avoid sporting events starring children at all costs, because it brings together three things I don’t want to be around: sports, competing children, and batshit insane overbearing parents. But this story has made me change my mind, because I didn’t know until this video came along that my new favorite pastime is watching moronic parents teach their children that the way to handle something that doesn’t go their way is to throw punches. And this children’s baseball brawl featured a pregnant woman wielding a baseball bat. Welcome to Lakewood Youth Baseball League’s half-time show: Jerry Springer Live!
Kanye West’s new friend, that talking tree, needs to come and get him because he’s getting messy again.
Kanye’s Fern Gully moment of zen didn’t last long. Kanye added some oil to the pan and reheated his cold, dried-out, rotten beef with Drake. This time Kanye’s b-hole got twisted over Drake’s team asking for clearance to sample his song Say What’s Real. Drake remixed it in 2009. Kanye got mad because he says he’s been trying to talk to Drake for months but Drake has been avoiding him like Kanye avoids a sense of reason. Kanye could’ve, I don’t know, used his finger to open up the Messages app and text Drake, but that wouldn’t have made him trend on Twitter. And if it doesn’t get Kanye attention, it didn’t happen. Cut to Azalea Banks screaming: THE GIRLS ARE FIGHTING!
I could mean a lot of things by that headline. I could mean that a drunken Johnny Depp got into a fight with his earpiece after his assistant fed him the line, “Fuck you, asshole,” and Johnny thought that bitch ass earpiece was talking to him. I could also mean that a drunken Johnny Depp got into a fight with a shrub after thinking that shifty shrub looked at him funny. And I could mean that a drunken Johnny Depp tried to punch a crew member. This time, I’m talking about the third one.