Blac Chyna Pulled A Rob Kartrashian Last Night

And no, I don’t mean that Blac Chyna texted Rob’s krush Kim Kartrashian to ask her what she’s wearing right now.

Last night, Blac Chyna did something that totally wasn’t planned out by the producers of her and Rob Kartrashian’s E! shit show. Angela Kartrashian took a page out of Rob’s “How To Get Attention For Your Thirsty Ass With One Simple Tweet” by tweeting his number to her thousands of followers. I’d like to think that after Blac twatted that out, she, Rob and the producers all sat around waiting for his phone to blow up, but all they got were the sound of crickets and one text from the local Domino’s confirming that his nightly standing order is on its way.

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Rob Kartrashian Just Had To Tell Everybody That His Sister Was His Childhood Krush

Hot curly-topped anal swab Brody Jenner once felt like what we, the people, really needed to know is that he got a half-boner from seeing his stepsister Kim Kartrashian (see above with face #2? Or is that face #3?) naked. Now it’s Rob Kartrashian’s turn to bring the dry heaves out of us by using his mouth to shit out a pile of chunky TMI.

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Awkward = Running Into One Of Your Exes At Your Friend’s 21st Birthday Party

Although to be fair, when you have a lot of friends and a lot of ex-boyfriends, it’s probably bound to happen sooner or later. Last night was Gigi Hadid’s 21st birthday, and because Gigi is famous, it’s not exactly a surprise that her party was packed with famous people. The most important of which was Gigi’s squad leader, Taylor Swift. I say “important“, because unless you want to find your ass on the other side of a “Bad Blood“-style song, the first birthday party invitation you send out is to Taylor.

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File This Under: “Girl, You Can Do Better”

I mean, not a lot better, since we all know her vagina craves douchebag-flavored dick. But at least better than professional headache Justin Bieber. So remember back in October, when the Kardashian sister that most closely resembles Kim’s original body and face, Kourtney Kardashian, was seen slinking out of a club with Justin Bieber? And then two months later a rumor started going around that the two were doing it regularly? Well according to People, it’s still going on.

A source tells People that soon-to-be 37-year-old Kourtney and just-turned 22-year-old Justin have been “hooking up on and off for a few months now.” No one can really know for sure whether or not Justin and Kourtney are friends with-I-wouldn’t-call-humping-on-Bieber-a-benefit. But this might explain things for Justin’s on-again/off again girlfriend Selena Gomez if his dick has smelled like laser-fried cooch recently.

I’m all for anyone getting it, whatever “it” does it for them. But to quote the great Tommy Lee Jones, I cannot sanction your buffoonery, Kourtney. Justin may be 22, but his brain can’t be more advanced than that of a 16-year-old high school drop out. And you know that would carry over into how he has sex. I bet he calls it “gettin’ nasty“, will only do it on the couch in her rec-room after putting Family Guy on mute, and only pulls his boxers down to his knees. If Khloe really wants to save someone, she should swoop and save her sister. At the very least, someone needs to teach her how to love herself.

Here’s Kourtney with the other children in her life, her actual children Penelope and Reign, leaving some singing class in Beverly Hills yesterday.

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com

E! Better Make It Rain On Blac Chyna’s Ass If They Want Her On KUWTK

Rob Kartrashian, the shame stain on the Kartrashians’ pristine reputation, hasn’t been on the family’s whore show Krapping Up The Kartrashians for a while, because he apparently hates them more than he hates vegetables not covered with nacho cheese and they don’t want the entire world to know that they’re related to a fat fat fatty. But because KUWTK’s season 11 ratings were reportedly lower than Pimp Mama Kris’ sense of morals, producers may be looking to boost that shit by showing Rob’s totally real and 100% authentic relationship with Blac Chyna. Um, the producers should know that if they really want the ratings to shoot into the universe and beyond, they should do a very special episode where they drop the Kartrashians and their wart hog asses into a pit full of starving tigers.

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The Kardashians Are Being Sued For $180 Million For Failing To Pimp Out Their Makeup Line

Last week, the company responsible for the Kardashians’ favorite waist trainers was hit with a lawsuit by a group of women claiming the waist trainers worked about as well as the muscles in Kim Kardashian’s face (which is to say, not very much). Well, the Kardashians are once again in trouble for their brand-whoring ways, but this time, it’s because they didn’t sell out hard enough. Damn, the Kardashians kan’t katch a product-pimping break!

The NY Daily News says that a company called Hillair Capital Management has filed a $180 million lawsuit against the trifecta of tacky, Kim, Kourtney, and Khloe Kardashian, for fraud and breach of contract. Hillair Capitol is pissed off because they put $10.8 million into Kardashian Beauty (formerly Khroma Beauty), back in 2014 and haven’t seen a return on investment. Kardashian Beauty was in need of some financial help two years ago after their original distribution company went tits up. So Hillair promised to fund distribution on the condition that Kim, Kourtney, and Khloe keep promoting it. You know, like pretending they actually use it.

But according to Hillair’s lawsuit, the Kardashians weren’t happy with the amount of coins that were dropped in their beggin’ cups, and they started looking for other investors. Hillair claims Kim, Kourtney, and Khloe then forced Hillair into a buyout by withholding support of Kardashian Beauty. The lawsuit also accuses Khloe of talking shit about the brand at a 2015 beauty expo in Dubai, and slapped at Kim for putting her name on a lipstick for the far klassier makeup brand Charlotte Tilbury.

Hillair wants their $10.8 million investment back, as well as its interest in the company, which they value at being between $64 million and $180 million. A lawyer for Kamp Kardashian has called the lawsuit “a disgrace” and accuses them of spreading “lies.” They also blame Hillair’s mismanagement on why Kardashian Beauty is in the krapper.

Hillair doesn’t realize actually just how large of a bullet they dodged when those greedy opportunists stopped pimping out their khosmetics khompany. I mean, at least waist trainer selfies are somewhat easy to Photoshop. But you know they’d never be able to show such restraint when retouching their faces. So yes, they lost a bunch of money. But it’s nothing compared to the money they’d lose after millions of pissed-off customers hit them with a class-action lawsuit after discovering that Kardashian Beauty products don’t actually transform their faces into airbrushed cartoons.

Pic: Splash