For the past few years, or so, there have been rumors that Travis Barker has really gone to the dark side by fucking on low-ranking Koven member Kourtney Kardashian. Travis pissed on those rumors (“Ugh, those rumors are so lucky!” – Kim) in 2019, saying that he loves Kourtney, but that they’re just friends and see each other at church. No, not the Church of Satan in Pimp Mama Kris’ basement where she holds sacrificial rituals to keep up her contract with Satan. And not that church PMK allegedly used as a tax haven. No, Kourtney and Travis know each other from Miami-based Vous church, which is connected to the Church of MESS known as Hillsong.
But now there’s more talk that Kourtney and Travis are a thing because they spent some time together over the weekend at the Koven’s desert headquarters (read: PMK’s La Quinta, CA house).
According to Life & Style, Kourtney Kardashian is joining Kim Kardashian, Khloe Kardashian, and Kylie Jenner in creating jobs for the nannies of Calabasas. A source tells Life & Style that 38-year-old Kourtney got knocked up by her 24-year-old boy toy Younes Bendjima.
“She was thrilled to learn she was expecting. She loves being part of a large family and having so many siblings, and she wants the same for Mason, Penelope, and Reign.”
Life & Style’s source says that she wanted to have a fourth kid, and heavily implied that Younes will be a great dad simply because he’s not Scott.
“She needs a man who will be both present and sober,” the source explained. “With his charming personality and intelligence, Younes will make the perfect father.”
Kourtney hasn’t said anything about the possibility of her fourth pregnancy, but then again neither has Kylie or Khloe said anything about theirs. In all likelihood, this is probably just some uncreative fiction written by a bored Kris Jenner. But even if it’s true, it’s like – okay? Sure I guess? Of course Kourtney would be rumored to be knocked up again! Being pregnant and eating gluten-free snacks are literally her only KUWTK story lines. If we really wanted some shocking Kardashian news from Kourtney, someone should have leaked a video of her eating a Kit Kat like a normal person.
If they really wanted to go crazy with their levels of security, they’d post that picture of Pimp Mama Kris at their front door. PMK’s gaze in that picture can turn almost anything to stone!
When Kim Kardashian returned to the U.S. after getting robbed at gunpoint in Paris, she had an army of security guards following her. Pimp Mama Kris tells UsWeekly that they’ve upped their security even more, and I guess that means that Kendall Jenner is keeping her opulent jewels in a place that’s more secure than a jewelry box, like in a pair of Rob Kartrashian-designed socks or under a pile of Tyga CDs. You know, places where no one wants to go.
The last time we checked in on the status of Scott Disick’s relationship with Kourtney Kardashian, they were reportedly back together. Since Scott and Kourtney get bored with each other like Kim Kardashian gets bored of whatever face she’s had for longer than a couple months, they’re currently off again. But now they’re really off, and it’s all thanks to Scott trying to pull a fast one on the Koven during their recent vacation on the island of Costa Rica.
Phew! Now Blac Chyna can get back to more important things, like negotiating the details of her contracts with E! for Rob & Chyna Get Married and Chyna Takes Rob To Buy Sweatpants.
Earlier this week we learned that Kim, Kourtney, and Khloe Kardashian awoke from their Botoxed slumber to sic their lawyers on Blac Chyna’s application to trademark the name “Angela Renee Kardashian.” It was claimed that trademarking the name Angela Kardashian™ was a blatant cash grab and that it would tarnish Kim, Kourtney, and Khloe’s “goodwill and popularity.” Clearly Kris Jenner saw everyone laughing hard at how HOpocritical that sounded, because TMZ says the lawyers have been called off.
TMZ has been told that Kris Jenner personally told Chyna that there’s no hard feelings and blamed the drama on the lawyers. Sources close to Blac Chyna say that Kim & Ko. also reached out to her and claimed their lawyers were just following protocol. Their lawyers have been instructed to block anyone trying to trademark the Kardashian name, thus leading to Chyna’s application getting flagged.
Blac Chyna’s trademark application is still pending, which means there’s a chance it could end up getting approved. And once it’s approved, it’s only a matter of seconds before you see a line of Get Paid with Angela Kardashian™ instructional DVDs (Vol. 1: Put Your Uteru$$ To Work) and Angela Kardashian™ No-Flip Silicone Butt Implants at a discount store near you.
Uh oh, do you hear that? That low rumbling sound that tells you there’s a disturbance in the fame whore force? I believe that sound is caused by Kim and Khloe Kardashian angrily bouncing their Hoppy Ball butts down to their lawyer’s office while Kourtney Kardashian trails half a mile behind them (she gets distracted in the outside).