The season five premiere of Netflix’s The Crown is lurking just around the corner (November 9) ready to pop out and scream “OOGITY BOOGITY” at Britain’s new King Charles III which is just wrong given his age and general condition. He can barely tolerate holding a leaky fountain pen without screaming like a little bitch, so imagine what it’s going to be like for him to turn on the telly and see Dominic West’s weathered mug reminding the world that despite the fancy gold hat, he’s just a dude who got caught cheating on his wife. According to Salon, The Firm is nervous that The Crown will be focused on the interviews Charles and Princess Diana gave during that time, instead of on THE QUEEN who most likely spent the greater part of the 1980s and 90s tinkering with THE QUEEN-BOT she sent out to smile and wave while she hid out in the stables waiting for it all blow over.
It’s obvious that THE QUEEN’s death has had a huge impact on the world in several different ways. But no one, except perhaps her immediate family, was more affected by the loss than Kanye West who used the occasion to reflect upon the preciousness of life, which moved him to suspend his feuds with Pete Davidson, Kid Cudi, and Senior VP/GM of Adidas Daniel Cherry, albeit temporarily, presumably because it’s what THE QUEEN would have wanted. Either that or Kanye’s as confused about the line of succession as he is about the American electoral system and he thinks that if he kisses a little Royal ass and can keep it cute on Instagram long enough for Old King Chucky Trips to meet the great Monarch-maker in the sky, he can slip in there ahead of Prince William and become king of England just so he can redesign Buckingham Palace and all of the Royal regalias in his signature neutral-toned, minimalist aesthetic.
I saw Jason Lee was trending on Twitter and said to myself, oh no, here we go again. But this time the news that THE QUEEN has died came right from the horse’s mouth as per Operation London Bridge, the code name for the official protocol to be undertaken upon Queen Elizabeth II’s death. Only, according to People, I should probably say the news came straight from the unicorn’s mouth because since she died in Scotland at her Balmoral Estate, the correct code name for what is going down right now is Operation Unicorn, and I think that’s neat. We know Liz loved dogs and horses more than most people so it’s a little magical that she passed at Balmoral surrounded by green hills and critters of all kinds. And yes, maybe even unicorns. Balmoral could be teeming with so-called “mythical” creatures for all we know. What else have these monarchs been hiding from us plebes for all these centuries?!?
The BREAKING ROYAL NEWS is that Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are staying in London a few days before they fly to the Netherlands for Saturday’s Invictus Games. TMZ is reporting that the couple had a meeting with THE QUEEN and Prince Charles, “in what’s clearly an attempt to smooth things over.” Oh no! Will this overshadow the very exciting news re: Duchess Kate Middleton and The Crown?! No, nothing can top this news.
The fifth season of the Netflix show comes out this November. It will tackle the nineties. Presumably Princess Diana’s final years, THE QUEEN’S annus horribilis, and Fergie’s deal with Weight Watchers. Because the creatives behind The Crown work harder than Prince Andrew’s PR team, the sixth and final season of the show is already in pre-production. Last week Netflix put out a casting call for a “stunning” actress who can play a young Kate Middleton. Continue reading
The fifth season of The Crown has been filming since last summer, and this week new photos of Elizabeth Debicki as 90s Princess Diana dropped. So where will Elizabeth rank among all the recent Diana performances? Hard to say until we see her in action (the new season comes out in November), but my money’s on: pretty high. Even though the above pics are giving me shades of Gwyneth Paltrow on a school run, Elizabeth still looks more like Diana than Kristen Stewart. And she’s way better than that poor actress who was forced (at gunpoint!) to star in the so-bad-it’s-bad Diana: A New Musical. Continue reading
Senan West won’t have to dig very deep to play the role of young Prince William in the upcoming fifth season of The Crown. He and William have so much in common! Senan also grew up in a castle (Glin Castle, his mother’s ancestral estate in Ireland) and his parent’s marriage is in shambles. His dad, Dominic West, who will play his TV dad, Prince Charles, is also a cheater. And Senan’s mom, Catherine Fitzgerald, like Princess Diana, dealt with that betrayal by putting on a stiff upper lip and pretending everything is fine. The only difference is Senan’s dad is handsome (on a good day) and cheated with a Hollywood starlet whereas Charles is not and cheated with, how do I put this politely, a handsome woman.