UPDATE: The Rebecca Black Plague Has Returned

After taking a break to recharge its evil power of drilling holes into the souls of the innocent, Rebecca Black’s “Friday” has made its way back onto the Internet. Yesterday, Rebecca pulled it off YouTube due to some legal crap with Ark Music Factory, but today it showed its face on Vevo. And it’s the Director’s Cut! No, that doesn’t mean it ends with Rebecca and Fat Usher driving into the Grand Canyon Thelma & Louise style. It really doesn’t mean anything. It’s the same shit. Oh, well. Fridays are awful again! Tell everyone no one!

via HuffPo

Rebecca Black Takes Back “Friday”

If you need to know which day comes after Saturday then you’ll have to do it analog style by checking your damn desk calendar, because Rebecca Black has pulled the bloody scab that is “Friday” off of YouTube. TMZ says that the reason is because Ark Music Factory, the Illuminati child pop star factory that produced the video, and Rebecca are fighting to the death over the rights to that mess (there’s nobody root for here).

On Monday, Ark tried to charge hos $2.99 to watch “Friday” and that’s what forced Rebecca to take it off of YouTube. Rebecca’s lawyer said this shit:

“We can confirm that we submitted a Take Down Notice to YouTube as a result of the dispute we have with Ark Music regarding the ‘Friday’ video.”

Don’t worry! You can still prove that you hate yourself by downloading it on iTunes! Or you can just wait until you get to the underworld, because I’m pretty sure “Friday” is what the farts of Satan’s minions sound like.

Oh, well. At least we’ll always Vagina Ain’t Handicapped!

The Return Of Rebecca Black!

Rebecca Black was scheduled to slip off the side of the Internet and fall into the land of lost viral stars with La Pequena (where for art thou, La Pequena?!), Golden Voice, Backinup Lady, Antoine Dodson and Spaghetti Cat, but Katy Perry has extended her 15 seconds of fame by throwing here in the video for “Last Friday Night (TGIF).” You know, because if it has Friday in the title, Rebecca Black HAS to be in it. (“Can we get to the part where Rebecca Black can only book a parking lot concert at T.G.I. Friday’s?” – Jenna Rose)

This video is sort of like if The Hangover switched brains with Never Been Kissed and faces with Girls Just Wanna Have Fun. It’s like “Spectacular” for kids!

I’m sure the Parents Television Council is already farting out a threatening letter to Katy claiming she’s telling kids to rip off their head gears in the name of blackout sex. But how can you hate on something Kenny G and Hanson in it?

via ONTD

“Friday” Has Found Its Way Onto Glee

It’s true that whenever a new pop song falls on the world I always place a bet with myself on whether or not it will somehow come out of Lea Michele’s (or whoever’s) mouth on Glee. So when Rebecca Black chewed a giant hole into all of our eardrums, I asked myself the same question. I didn’t think they would. But would they? They wouldn’t? They would! Well, they did and here’s Puck, Artie and Sam doing their version for next week’s episode.

Yeah. So I’m just going to leave this here for you to marinate on while I write a letter to Fox pleading with them to bring back Cop Rock just so they can cover The Backinup Song.

Rebecca Black Is Getting Death Threats

One could blame Rebecca Black for finally killing auto-tune by strangling it with her bare vocal cords and for turning Friday into a sad face, but that doesn’t mean it’s okay for hos to fill her voicemail box with death threats, but that’s what somebody is doing. USA Today says that Anaheim police are investigating two separate death threats against Rebecca. One threat came from a phone call and the other landed in her e-mail inbox. Kevin Costner, get down to Orange County, grab Rebecca and keep her safe inside of your pappy’s lakeside cabin (DON’T BRING HER SISTER).

Rick Martinez, the rep for Anaheim police, said, “In essence, the threats were related to getting the music off the Internet or they were going to kill her.”

Some say that you truly haven’t made it until you’ve gotten a death threat, but “dislike” any random kitten video on YouTube and you’ll find an e-mail with a skull on it in your inbox.

I’m sure if the police backtraced the e-mail, they will not only find that consequences will never be the same, but they will also find a bedazzled pink laptop with a denim cozy over it (I’m looking at you, Jenna Rose).

By the way, every time “Friday” passed through my ears I took that as a direct death threat.

(Image via PopDirt)

Today Is Saturday, But Here’s “Friday” Anyway!

Stephen Colbert literally lost a staged bet with Jimmy Fallon and last night he kept his word by performing his rendition of Rebecca Black’s stirring torch song (meaning you want to torch that fucking song and watch it burn) and American classic “Friday.” Joined by The Roots, Jimmy Fallon and Taylor “UGH” Hicks, Stephen Colbert cooed out the best rendition of this mess we’ll ever hear unless La Pequeña comes out of retirement and puts her bump on it. If that doesn’t happen, then we can consider this the white rose on Friday’s coffin and we’ll all wave as the hearse takes it away to the Forest Lawn Meme Memorial Cemetery. Until the next!