Category: Luke Bryan

The New “American Idol” Isn’t Going To Show Any Bad Auditions

January 10, 2018 / Posted by:

News regarding the overpriced albatross (aka the revival of American Idol) has been all about how the payroll department at ABC apparently took a quaalude to sign off on paying Katy Perry $25 million when Lionel Richie got far less, but now producers are here to say the new show is going to be about the talent and finally creating a STAH. So that means taking away the only reason people were watching Idol. Continue reading

Lionel Richie Is Already Banking On His “American Idol” Catchphrase

October 26, 2017 / Posted by:

Lionel Richie’s skills as an American Idol judge are landing him about $15 million less than Katy Perry, a fucked financial move that still has Suze Orman hooked up to an oxygen tank. But that doesn’t mean he’s resting on his laurels. Lionel has a trademarked phrase, and he’s ready to print and sell it on anything that will sit still long enough! Continue reading

“American Idol” Finally Has A Full Judge Line-Up

September 29, 2017 / Posted by:

It appears Lionel Richie will complete the new American Idol triumvirate with Katy Perry and Luke Bryan, and it’s not soon enough! As in, filming starts Tuesday. Seriously, it was beginning to feel like it’d be easier to get Donald Trump to throw Hillary Clinton onto the Supreme Court judging panel than it was to find any music act to go on American Idol.

TMZ says Lionel is getting about $10 million to listen to pitchy blondes from Nebraska try and make it as a STAH! Luke is getting around $13 million. Ryan Seacrest is going to have $10-15 million to spend on blonde highlights. And we all know producers are breathing into a brown paper bag over spending $25 million on the Witness chanteuse. When Idol went off the air all of five minutes ago, one of the biggest gripes was how expensive it was to lure acts like Jennifer Lopez and Mariah Carey on the panel (“When I’m having a judging moment, it doesn’t come cheap, Daaaaaahling.” –Mariah). So ABC is doing a GREAT job at keeping things cheap and chintzy this time around!

The line-up could be announced as early as today, but a source close to production said it could get held up if lawyers start nitpicking details. Hmmm maybe details like how in FUCK is the man behind “We Are The World” and hump hit “Endless Love” worth $15 million less than the chick behind Kitty Purry??


Luke Bryan Hit A Heckler During His Concert

December 2, 2016 / Posted by:

It’s been two years since we covered Luke Bryan, the country-fried tailgate party version of Tom Cruise. The last time we saw him he had taken a tumble off the stage and into my heart. Nothing makes me bust a gut like a famous person falling on their ass or face! Well, speaking of busting things at concerts, Luke took his angry little hands to a mouthy fan’s face at his concert on Wednesday.

Continue reading


Bitch Goes Down: The Luke Bryan Edition

May 30, 2014 / Posted by:

That high-pitched dog whistle sound you just heard was Ariana Grande Latte gleefully squealing “karma’s a biiiiiiitch” at her highest register as she watched the video of country singer Luke Bryan falling off the stage during a concert in Charlotte, NC on Thursday night.

Luke Bryan was in the middle of singing Macklemore’s Can’t Hold Us” (why? + wut? = I have no fucking idea) when he stepped a little too close to the edge of the stage and bailed. Luckily he was alright (TMZ says he had to get a couple stitches but he’s fine). He climbed back up and joked to the crowd that the last time he was in North Carolina he busted his ass on stage as well. There must be something in the North Carolina water to make him so tipsy; is NC getting moonshine run-off from Virginia?

I decided to re-watch it a couple of times as a reminder to always watch where I’m going when I walk down the stairs so that I don’t pull a Luke Bryan and end up in the ER with a doctor giving me ‘Uh huh, sure you broke you ass falling down the stairs’ attitude. But I discovered why Luke fell. It was too damn dark! Dear Luke: to prevent another slip and fall accident in the future, place your glowing sunset-colored wife Caroline front row center to act as a human night-light and illuminate the lip of the stage.

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