And now for some news that proves that Thanksgiving week only gives us the most important stories…
When it comes to shocking break ups where everyone assumed the couple would be together forever, many names come to mind. Of course the most recent would be Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson, but a classic would also be Britney Spears and Kevin Federline. Another, less publicized but equally epic in terms of it’s love story, was the short-lived whirlwind romance of Noah Cyrus and Soundcloud rapper Lil Xan. The two of them broke up back in September, shocking the world and making Cupid hit the bottle hard as he tried to drown his sorrows of another star-crossed romantic failure. Well he better get himself another bottle of vodka, because Noah is putting a nail in the coffin of her once true love, saying that it was all a “mistake”.
People is reporting that Noah Cyrus let us all know that she will never be getting back together with her Cheetho-loving ex-boyfriend, leaving a comment on one of World Star’s Instagram posts about mistakes in relationships:
Noah, who is clearly a member of the predominantly black and latinx World Star Hip Hop audience, wrote back:
“my last relationship was the mistake.”
If you forgot because you’re an ignorant cur who doesn’t care to educate yourself on important world history, Lil Xan and Noah broke up because of a fake Charlie Puth nude. Because she thought it was funny, Noah sent her man a picture of a Sean Cody model’s body with Charlie’s head photoshopped on top and Lil Xan obviously came to the highly-rational conclusion that Noah was cheating on him with this masc-for-masc gay porn Frankenstein.
Lil Xan later did an interview for Complex‘s YouTube series Open Late with Peter Rosenberg and he spoke about the breakup, shockingly being mature and taking responsibility for the ridiculous end to their clearly destined relationship:
“Honestly, honest to God, I would say, most of the reason the breakup happened, it was my fault… We could’ve still been together… I just feel like I fucked everything up… I have nothing but love for the Cyrus family… I was still coming down from all the drugs and stuff so I was just everywhere. I have no bad blood between Noah or nothing like that of any sense with the family. It’s a great family. They treated me very nicely.”
While Lil Xan seems to harbor no ill will against Noah for hooking up with that meme, it seems Noah has a bit of salt left in her. You were a mistake, Lil Xan: she couldn’t care less if you choked on all the Flamin’ Hot Cheetos in the world. Sigh, another pure love story comes to it’s tragic end.