Jordyn Woods Says She Only Kissed Tristan Thompson (NO TONGUE) On “Red Table Talk”

March 1, 2019 / Posted by:

The somewhat eagerly anticipated episode of Red Table Talk featuring Jordyn Woods and her play auntie, Jada Pinkett-Smith, dropped today and somehow, the earth is still in rotation. We didn’t really learn anything new about what happened The Night The Lights Went Out In Calabasas. But we did learn that Jordyn’s got a posse, and they’re more famous than the Kardashians. But even though she brought out the big guns, she’s still very contrite about her role in the Tristan Tompson/Khloé Kardashian cheating scandal. Which, come on, Jordyn! The Pinkett-Smiths got your back, wile the fuck out. Burn the koven to the ground!

First off, let me tell you the most importing bit of information Jordyn wanted to convey over The Red Table with the “mythical healing powers” (per Will Smith via Facetime from the set of Bad Boys 3, which has got to the weirdest flex of 2019 to date): She didn’t fuck him. Jordyn told Jada there was only one single kiss at the end of the night between her and Tristan. And it was a chaste kiss, kind of like one you might give your play auntie (via People):

“On the way out, he did kiss me,” she said, clarifying that there was “no passion, no nothing … he just kissed me.”

“It was like a kiss on the lips, but no tongue kiss, no making out.”

Woods adamantly denied having sex with Thompson.

“Never. Never a thought, never a consideration, never happened, and never will I,” she said. “And that’s why I’m willing to be put up to the test. Attach me to a lie detector, whatever it is. I need people to know the truth, and more importantly, I need the people involved to know the truth.”

Jordyn also made a big point about how they never went to a private area together, as if Tristan isn’t perfectly comfortable getting an over-the-pants handy in public. According to Jordyn, “it was all just an innocent time“. She said that the reason she feels so guilty is because she lied about it. The next day, she admitted she had spent the night, but omitted the part of the kiss. Why she feels so devastatingly guilty over a little kiss on the lips between friends is highly suspect, but I respect/fear the dark power of the Pinkett-Smiths to much too question it.

“I had talked to Kylie and Khloé in the morning and I told them I was there,” she said. “I had talked to Khloé and she asked me what was going on, if everything was fine. In my head, in trying to forget that part of the story, I was just like, ‘No, he was chilling, everything was okay. There were girls there but he wasn’t all over the girls.’”

“I was honest about being there but I wasn’t honest about the actions that had taken place,” she continued. “I just knew how much turmoil that was going on that I was like, let me not just throw more fuel on the fire.”

She went on to wring her hands and boo-hoo about how Khloé doesn’t “deserves this”, and that Khloé’s been “dehumanized” by all this, and that she was just “trying to protect Khloé’s heart”. I’m still not sure what this appearance was supposed to accomplish, because if Jordyn thought it would be a road towards reconciliation with the Kardashians, she’s got another thing coming.

As you might imagine, Khloé remains unmoved, kind of like her face. Khloe blames Jordyn for solely ruining her family, and not Tristan’s always roaming dick. So I guess if Khlo is slapping at Jordyn for “ruining” her family, then she also slapped at herself for “ruining” Tristan’s first family.

Well, if she’s going to be that way about it, Khloé can kiss those tickets to the premiere of Aladdin goodbye! And as she kisses those tickets goodbye, Satan is kissing his apprentice Kris Jenner’s hand for a job well done and Kris Jenner is blowing an air kiss at Jada for helping to keep this manufactured drama alive. Kisses all around!

Pic: Facebook

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