Prince Hot Ginge And Meghan Markle Let Donald Trump Know That They’re Paying For Their Own Security, And They Also Said Goodbye To Their Sussex Royal Instagram Page 

During this time of corona, Prince Hot Ginge and Meghan Markle decided to scoop up 10-month-old Master Archie, get on a plane, and flee Canada for a compound in Los Angeles. They probably made that decision after finding out the devastating news that their rental home on Vancouver Island was way out of the delivery area of Craig’s (THE HORROR!). Before they left Canada, the country let us all know that the armed moose who were assigned to protect PHG and Meghan would no longer be available after March 31 and those two would have to get their own security. And now that they’re out of Canada and living in California, Jabba the Trump tweeted that the U.S. will not open its purse to pay for their security. To which PHG and Meghan responded by basically saying, “Bitch, we weren’t even going to ask!”

Since there’s nothing major going on, like, I don’t know, a global pandemic that is fucking everyone raw and without lube, Trump decided to brag about how he’s BFFs with THE QUEEN (“I don’t know her.” – THE QUEEN), and he also patted his own taint when he announced that the U.S. is not paying for PHG and Meghan’s security.

I am a great friend and admirer of the Queen & the United Kingdom. It was reported that Harry and Meghan, who left the Kingdom, would reside permanently in Canada. Now they have left Canada for the U.S. however, the U.S. will not pay for their security protection. They must pay!

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) March 29, 2020

PHG and Meghan’s rep said in a statement that they’re handling their own security situation, thankyouverymuch.

However, “the Duke and Duchess of Sussex have no plans to ask the U.S. government for security resources,” the pair’s spokesperson said in a statement. “Privately funded security arrangements have been made.”

Canada was planning to cut off PHG and Meghan’s government-funded security on April 1, because when the clock strikes 12:01 AM on that day, PHG and Meghan will transform from professional full-time royals to regular peasants like us. Only they’ll be regular peasants who live in a multi-million dollar Los Angeles compound and can command their security guard (paid for by them, okay?) to tackle an old lady for the last bag of bread flour at Whole Foods.

Since tomorrow is their last day as senior royals, and the last day they can use the Sussex Royal brand, they said goodbye for now to the 11+ million followers of their Sussex Royal Instagram page, which they will no longer update. Hopefully, PHG is saying goodbye to Sussex Royal’s Instagram page and hello to OnlyFans.com/DukeOfSussexy.

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As we can all feel, the world at this moment seems extraordinarily fragile. Yet we are confident that every human being has the potential and opportunity to make a difference—as seen now across the globe, in our families, our communities and those on the front line—together we can lift each other up to realise the fullness of that promise. What’s most important right now is the health and wellbeing of everyone across the globe and finding solutions for the many issues that have presented themselves as a result of this pandemic. As we all find the part we are to play in this global shift and changing of habits, we are focusing this new chapter to understand how we can best contribute. While you may not see us here, the work continues. Thank you to this community – for the support, the inspiration and the shared commitment to the good in the world. We look forward to reconnecting with you soon. You’ve been great! Until then, please take good care of yourselves, and of one another. Harry and Meghan

A post shared by The Duke and Duchess of Sussex (@sussexroyal) on Mar 30, 2020 at 9:17am PDT

Their rep added that PHG and Meghan would rather everyone pay attention to COVID-19 at this time, but they know that some people were begging for answers to the extremely important question of: BUT WHAT ABOUT PHG AND MEGHAN’S INSTAGRAM PAGE?!!!?

“The Duke and Duchess of Sussex would prefer that in the immediate weeks and months, the focus remains on the global response to COVID-19. However, we recognise there are outstanding questions relating to their future beyond their Household transition deadline, so are sharing the below for your reference.

As was agreed with The Royal Family, The Duke and Duchess of Sussex will no longer use the name Sussex Royal for their charitable organisation, Instagram or website. For now, there will be no additional information on their next steps.

Therefore, the update to follow shortly on the @SussexRoyal Instagram account will mark their 31st March transition from ‘working’ Members of the Royal Family.”

The statement went on to say that they will spend the next few months with their family and will continue to do “what they can, safely and privately, to support and work with their pre-existing charitable commitments while developing their future non-profit organisation.” PHG may also spend some time in the next few months trying to get diplomatic status in the U.S., which will make it easier for him to get a green card and eventually become a citizen.

You know, instead of saying goodbye to that Instagram page, couldn’t they have just changed the handle to HausOfSuckItRoyals and kept all of their 11+ million followers? But THE QUEEN probably refused to let it go, and plans to turn into a Corgi appreciation page. I can’t wait! And since PHG and Meghan are at the bottom of the Instagram influencer ladder now and have to start all over again, will somebody tell the new chief of staff of their charitable organization, Catherine St-Laurent (who they stole from Melinda and Bill Gates!!!!!), that the quickest and easiest way for them to get millions upon millions of followers for their new Instagram page is to post nothing but Meghan-less ginger thirst traps starring PHG only. And I know this, because I’m an expert in how to get IG followers, and I’m an expert in how to get IG followers, because I got two new ones this past weekend. Yes, they are both Russian spam bots, but still.

Pic: Wenn.com